Posted by Racer on June 3, 2004, at 8:48:13
In reply to Re: Comments on Appearance in Therapy » Dinah, posted by karen_kay on June 3, 2004, at 8:08:47
Reading karen_kay's post brought up comments about my weight, and how they tend to make me feel. A former girlfriend, who knew me when I was not experiencing any sort of disordered eating, saw me for the first time after it started up again and said something like, "I know you say you're underweight, but I think this is the best I've ever seen you look." Since I was underweight, and knew it, that was a bit of a stunner.
And my family is notorious for totally inappropriate comments about my weight. When I've gained weight from the drugs, they'll come after me constantly with 'jokes' and critical comments. (usually framed as, "You know I love you, so I want you to know you've gained too much weight.") The one time I said that it was from the drugs, I was told that I should, therefore, stop taking the drugs. (After all, if I couldn't or wouldn't say what I was depressed about, then I wasn't really depressed. Just lazy, weak, and displaying bad character.) Now that I'm restricting my eating again, I get the comments about being too thin. I've said, a number of times, that my weight needs to be off limits, that it's not a topic for conversation, but that just means that they change their strategy: "I know you don't want to talk about your weight, but you could start drinking Ensure to gain some weight..." or "I know you said we couldn't talk about your weight, but you need to hear this..." That sort of thing. (In other words, I was spawned by a family of human steamrollers.)
I'm pretty careful when I comment on others' weight. Usually, I only say something when I *know* that someone has been dieting or exercising to slim down, and it really shows. And I never comment to anyone who hasn't already heard my mini-lecture about women looking better with their natural curves, and health being more important than appearance or a number on the scale.
The other thing that I react to with comments on my weight is that I doubt very much that many people realize how much/little I actually weigh. I am not that thin right now, despite what my family is saying, but I know from the scale that I'm probably 10 or 15 pounds less than most of them would guess. That means that most comments strike me as being based on something other than me -- notice any sort of a theme to my life? Comments on my weight usually add to that feeling that I'm actually invisible, and that people are seeing something with no relation to me.
OK. 'Nuf rambling
poster:Racer
thread:352524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/353305.html