Posted by Racer on June 2, 2004, at 13:02:29
In reply to Re: Comments on Appearance in Therapy, posted by tinydancer on June 2, 2004, at 10:08:35
Today I noticed that I can give and receive compliments with our marriage counselor. I do kinda deflect her compliments, but at least I do it silently.
She's quite heavy, and I did comment once that she looked to have lost some weight. Obviously, before reading some of the comments here, which would have made me uncomfortable doing so. She was excited by it, told us about her weight loss plan a little (while walking to the office, not in session), and today we talked about her skirt. (It had pompon fringe, and I mentioned always wanting to put that on a skirt, but being afraid I'd be too self-conscious about wearing it.) And I do 'ask' for her approval at times, by wearing things I've made and pointing them out to her. Today, I wore a top I'd made -- sewn, not knit -- and told her about dyeing it with a technique I'd never used before.
Did I deflect that compliment? "Oh, people who don't know how to sew always think it's so amazing, but only because they don't know how easy it really is. Unless, of course, you make it harder for yourself the way I do. And the dyeing is no big deal anyway, even if you've never used that technique before. Besides, I'm only OK with the way it turned out." Yeah, I deflect compliments.
You know what the difference is, though? The things she says in the sessions about me, about my reactions to things, feel so True -- in that "what oft was thought, but ne'er so well exprest" sort of way that Pope was referring to. The larger Truth, that revelatory Truth that leads to therapeutic breakthroughs. So, when she says something nice, it feels as if it must also be True in some sense, and it's very calming and validating.
Great topic, by the way.
poster:Racer
thread:352524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/353050.html