Posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2004, at 13:34:05
In reply to Re: Feeling crappy. Going to call T, a first for me » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on May 12, 2004, at 7:18:32
Falls,
Thanks for your lovely post. You are right on the money with what's going on with me.> Seeing things like that in writing makes them so much more tangible.
Yes, it did make it tangible and it hit really hard. I also was just amazed at how he could articulate it so well, without really even knowing my history. Makes me wonder how he has perceived my actions all year, but hey, he IS an analyst. :) or maybe :( ?
> In your place, I would have hoped that all my work would have paid off by now, and the statement would no longer be true. So that would be a disappointment to me.I think the statement may always be true in some ways. I just need to be more at ease with it, and thus, behave from a more natural, authentic place. Oh lord, I sound like my T.
>
> You need to have that same patience with yourself.So true. Just my last session I was talking all about feeling stuck and not knowing how to proceed or even where I am going. And then BAM! No need to worry about what to work on. Guess it's a blessing in disguise. :)
>>
> Needing your therapist is NOT a failure. In fact, it shows that you recognize when the situation is hard for you - THAT is progress. It shows that you WANT to work on this issue. I think it can only be viewed as a good thing.Thanks for this. I was and am feeling very fragile and needy right now. He was great about meeting with me, although today was a really intense session, and I felt pretty crappy after. I actually had to go home to take out my contacts and put on my glasses before I went back into the office. Nothing like driving home with tears (and other bodily "fluids") pouring down your face while your contact threatens to pop out and you feel confused and disoriented. I probably should have just pulled over. But I made it, and when I got home I cuddled my dog for a bit after I cleaned my face up. Now I'm back to work and feeling drained, but okay.
>
> Somehow, I can't see you running a flag up the flagpole that says "Hey, all you young, immature kiddies - Ha Ha! I learn faster than you do. You are so pathetic, why don't you just give up? You better just get used to the idea that I'm better than you are!". I *can* see you trying to help them - giving them the benefit of your understanding to help them along.Thanks for the validation. It helps to hear that. Truly.
>
> GG, I hear some "old" pain here. I'm sorry for your old pain, it really stinks to be locked in step with these things. But you can break free. And you will learn and grow from this.Oh yes, very old pain. Flashbacks of childhood nicknames which weren't very nice. Parental failures in validating and mirroring, which leave such a void even today. God, so needy. But my T is both filling the need and challenging me on the behaviors I do or don't do that seem to be stemming from that need.
Wow, I guess that is a sign he thinks I can handle it. But ugh. It really sucks, sucks, sucks. Maybe crying and sobbing burns a fair amount of calories? Is there a silver lining here?
Thanks Falls. You are a good friend.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:346021
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/346481.html