Posted by fallsfall on May 12, 2004, at 7:18:32
In reply to Feeling crappy. Going to call T, a first for me, posted by gardenergirl on May 12, 2004, at 0:19:00
Gardenergirl,
Seeing things like that in writing makes them so much more tangible. It means that you can't hope that you heard it wrong. So it seems perfectly reasonable to me that this would be upsetting to you.
Plus you say that you have been working and working and working on this. In your place, I would have hoped that all my work would have paid off by now, and the statement would no longer be true. So that would be a disappointment to me.
Please remember that just because he said it (and I assume that he is accurate), doesn't mean that you haven't made progress on it - doesn't mean that you haven't been working hard - doesn't mean that you will never get to the point where it is no longer true. Sometimes these things take a long, long time. You have patience with your clients - you know that things take time. You need to have that same patience with yourself.
So, your reaction seems perfectly normal to me.
Calling your therapist sounds like a great idea. This is a core issue for you. It is hitting you like a sledge hammer. You will have to talk with the director on Monday. I think it sounds like a great idea to talk to your therapist before then. Needing your therapist is NOT a failure. In fact, it shows that you recognize when the situation is hard for you - THAT is progress. It shows that you WANT to work on this issue. I think it can only be viewed as a good thing.
Please let us know when you hear from your therapist, and in the meantime, go easy on yourself. Try to put it in perspective - your "fault" is that you learn quickly?? Somehow, I can't see you running a flag up the flagpole that says "Hey, all you young, immature kiddies - Ha Ha! I learn faster than you do. You are so pathetic, why don't you just give up? You better just get used to the idea that I'm better than you are!". I *can* see you trying to help them - giving them the benefit of your understanding to help them along.
GG, I hear some "old" pain here. I'm sorry for your old pain, it really stinks to be locked in step with these things. But you can break free. And you will learn and grow from this.
Hugs in the meantime - (((((Gardenergirl)))))
Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:346021
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/346058.html