Posted by 64bowtie on May 10, 2004, at 12:49:47
In reply to Re: Re: Bellyaching etal » Racer, posted by spoc on May 9, 2004, at 18:41:20
> *** Yes, ~~~ people CAN regurgitate or guess what the "right" and ideal way to "f_e_e_l" about and proceed on things is.
> (from your response to Racer)
Please consider the crisis we are all in, that because of time and timing and poor guidance, we are all left making decisions from our gut; from our feelings. We can't properly evaluate "rightness" from feelings. Feelings are too ephemoral and fleeting to be trusted doing that task by themselves, alone. Armed with knowledge and understanding, we can allie our feelings to thinking, and tackle "anything". This is an adult skill children are not wired for.
An alagory of the crisis I refer to is seen most easily in public. On occasion I ride the busses in San Francisco. I witness the lowest-common-denominator of parenting at times. Parents will "unthinkingly" lash out in violence at their children. It takes no thinking or logic to brutalize another person. If they employed caring and options in this circumstance, the children would have a better chance of seeing the true differences between "rightness" and "wrongness".
Yes, I was a child and yes, I am a parent. Please don't waste any time defending the actions of anyone who "problem solves" with violence and coercion. If you don't get my message, I apologise for my cautious wordiness.
I suggest we all discipline ourselves to attach two things to decisions from now on. At first, without discipline, some will find it impossible. Some still think that de-nial (denial) is the "unthinkable", because its only a river in Egypt, so they will find this impossible, also.
From now on we attach a two item czeklist to our decisions. Attach a component of caring and a component of options to to improve each of our decisions. The "caring" elegantly satisfies the feeling aspects of healthy decision making. Options cannot be arrived at by feelings alone, so therein "options" elegantly add the logic, or thinking, component to the decision process.
When we ask a person, "What do you think?" How many times do they respond, "Well, I feel ~~~ "...? See what I mean? Try this out for awhile. To me its scarey!
FREEDOM and PERSONAL POWER......
...and this is exactly how people give up their "personal power". Freedom comes with personal power attached (ala Anthony Robbins). We cannot be free-talking, free-reasoning, and free-working from our feelings alone. Sure, its our oldest habit. For some of us, so is dysfunction. Is there a better way?
Add "caring" and "options" to all of our decisions and see where that takes us. Turn it into a "wait-and-see" process (another adult practice not well understood by children). Do it because we are adults, and adults "can"!