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Re: I guess he's not perfect after all. Dinah

Posted by Penny on February 17, 2004, at 13:48:28

In reply to Re: I guess he's not perfect after all. Penny, posted by Dinah on February 16, 2004, at 17:17:32

Yeah - I'm sure he might have been having an especially long day. I guess it's that I felt he didn't handle some of my comments very well - maybe because he didn't really respond to some of them, perhaps b/c they made him feel less than comfortable. Tho' I can't imagine that anything I could ever say would make him feel uncomfortable. Because he's too much of a professional to feel that way.

I just can't stand for my pdoc to be frustrated with me. It's that whole 'daddy' thing - my dad has never been happy with me. I don't need disappointment and/or frustration with my pdoc too, ya' know?

I had a rash when I saw him on Friday. And I figured it was caused by baby oil that I had been using to help with dry skin, and it honestly didn't even occur to me that it *might* have something to do with the Lamictal I take - as I've been taking it a long long time now and I take a very low dose. So, by the time I thought about it, I didn't bother to call him, b/c I figured it was getting better, so what was the point? And when I told him I had a rash, and that I hadn't even thought about a possible Lamictal reaction, he scowled at me and said, "Those rashes are nothing to mess with. You need to let me know if you get a rash again." And he looked at it and agreed that it was likely an allergic reaction to baby oil (of all things) and he was glad I was able to pinpoint a culprit, but to let him know if it happened again. And that was toward the end of our session. And I was talking about the book I'm reading that Medusa recommended to you: "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" and he had heard of it, and then I started going on about how I was telling my T that I had always had crushes on TAs and Profs in college and even my chem/physics teach in HS (who was older), but that it was all safe, b/c I knew they would never cross the boundaries. And I said something to the effect of "Even if I somewhat wanted them to, I would never fool myself into thinking they would ever cross any boundaries," and she replied with "This is an awkward way of putting it, b/c we're talking about boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, but when you say you wouldn't fool yourself into thinking...is that because you would trust them to never cross the boundaries, or because you don't think they could ever be attracted to you?" My response to her was "Well, the *correct* answer is...the first one, but the reality is, a bit of both. I don't worry in the least about my crushes on these men in authority positions in my life partly b/c they are professionals and I trust that they would keep ethical/professional boundaries, and partly b/c I can't imagine why any of them would ever be tempted to cross boundaries with me in the first place."

So I was telling this to my pdoc (I know this whole story isn't flowing very well!) and he just didn't respond. And I don't know what I wanted him to say - I guess there was no right answer. I mean, he could have said, "Well, that's something you are going to continue to need to work on in therapy" or something to that effect, but I know, as he's told me, that he discourages transference with his patients typically b/c he's not doing therapy with them.

Oh...I don't know. It's snowing here, so my T has cancelled our standard Tues night appt, but I already emailed her to find out if we could do a phone session if she had to cancel due to the weather. So I'm going to call her at home from my house at our normal meeting time. B/c I really need to talk to her about the stuff with my pdoc and the stuff with my cousin. :-(

There's too much going on right now.

Anyway - thanks, Dinah.

P


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