Posted by gardenergirl on February 3, 2004, at 22:31:13
In reply to Research, posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 20:58:29
Wow, you are welcome for the question, and I thank you for the kind words. Today's a red-letter day! (I never understood where that came from, but I like to use it.)
In some ways I am like you in that I tend never to take things on blind faith. I always want to know why something is or how something works. This is good when you are making decisions or in school, as it increases the value of learning.
But in therapy, this is somewhat problematic. Part of therapy invovles letting go of control of the process and trusting (yikes, I originally typed "trysting" Can you say "transference"?) the T and the process to get you where you need to go. Boy, that is SO hard! Especially for well-read people. My T had to remind me more than once, in a gentle way mind you, that HE was the T and I was the client. I was also trying too hard to figure out what I was supposed to say and where things were going. I was also trying to interpret things myself (oocupational hazard, I guess).
But anyway, once I gave in and let go and began to trust the process, things moved along better. I stopped worrying if I was saying or doing the "right" or "wrong" thing and I trusted Bear to guide me as needed if I got off track. He does this quite unobtrusively. In fact, even though I know how psychodynamic therapy is supposed to work, it still felt almost "magical" to me when I noticed I was behaving differently (and more adaptively) in situations bound to cause me anxiety. He and I never talk about behavioral stuff except in the context of me griping or bringing issues up. So how did I manage to "act" better? I believe it is through developing insight into my defenses and issues, learning to accept that I am a certain way, and by accepting that I developed a paternal transference with him and that is OKAY.
I feel like I've come a long way, but in the moment to moment sessions, I can't really pinpoint any "right" or "wrong" responses or actions. It really feels like magic, which goes against all of my analytical needs.
So I guess I am not really just going on blind faith with Bear, as I do know how things are supposed to work based on my training and education. But I've allowed him to lead the way and allowed myself to take risks without worrying about being right or wrong.
I don't mean to imply here that you are similar, but I have a client who, I think, tends to censor herself out of a similar desire to give the "right" responses. She is quite sensitive to being judged and evaluated in many different contexts. I think it would be a sign of real progress if she started to free associate more and censored less. Even when I try to suggest that maybe she experiences me as evaluating her or judging her, she tends to give the "right" response by saying, "but you are not supposed to do that." She cannot suggest to me that perhaps she experiences me as critical as well. She knows rationally (I hope) that I am not critical of her. If she feels it in her gut, she doesn't want to admit it, because that would not be rational. Does that make sense?
Fallsfall, I bet you are a challenging (in a good way) and gratifying client to work with due to your research and interest in the process. Perhaps you could talk with your T about these issues? It may help to relieve some of your concerns about "right" and "wrong" responses. I tend to believe there are no right or wrong, there simply ARE responses.
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:309088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309115.html