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Re: Forever therapy

Posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 12:41:33

In reply to Re: Forever therapy Dinah, posted by fallsfall on April 21, 2003, at 10:22:03


I have difficulty "getting" why a therapist would stop therapy or make sessions less frequent because of dependency issues. It makes no sense to me.

I think you need a therapist who isn't threatened by your dependency issues.

If you or she are concerned that you will go too far in your probing about her, then she can make a contract with you about that, and about not acting on urges to violate any boundaries. I don't know if you went beyond what is in the public domain in your search. If in the public domain, it isn't a problem, but if you "hacked" a bit, then a contract could include not doing that. But in my mind, whatever is in public domain is just that--public.

When I was not doing so well, my therapist suggested twice per week sessions. I've been going 2x week for a few years now. I find it really helps with continuity. I don't feel so afraid to open up hard issues because it isn't so long in between sessions. I am not sure how long I'll continue with the 2x week, but for now it works.

I never felt quite as dependent on this therapist as my first therapist whom I saw for 10 years in another city. But that dependency dwindled over time. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to make the move to another city!

Earlier in my therapy with current therapist, I was really curious just like you. I did name search on line and only found one reference, to a consulting firm owned by his wife, that he was listed as part of. I also looked up his home address in the phone book and drove by the house. But of course, I told him that right away. He wasn't phased at all. I think I drove by one more time later that year, but then the urge was gone.

My therapist is fairly open about his life, which is different than my previous therapist. But he has good boundaries. I think when his wife was ill and dying, it necessitated his giving some information. But there are also times when I will pick up on something in what he say-- a subtle cue or something and react to it and he will reflect and "own" his part in it, like if maybe he was unintentionally conveying a subtle message or something, and we'll process it. Sometimes that may involve revealing something about himself. But he doesn't reveal that much.

I guess I feel some dependency but not a lot.

Anyway, I really think you need a therapist who can handle your dependency issues.




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