Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 17, 2006, at 13:59:35
In reply to Re: anger, posted by Dr. Bob on December 17, 2006, at 2:04:13
> > Dr. Bob, please do not use my post to overgeneralize my feelings to others who may be grieving.
>
> Sorry, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions about your feelings or those of others.
>Thank you for your apology Dr. Bob.
It means a lot to me. I may talk about my anger as it relates to other subjects more specifically, in more appropriate locations.In general, I guess my grief, and my reactions to this event kind of made me feel more susceptible to strong emotions. I am usually pretty restrained emotionally, and I take medication which (in my opinion) often blunts or lessens my experience of emotions.
So, when I heard of my friend's death, it made me feel really sad, and hopeless. It also made me feel like I had fewer resources to cope with other things that were coming my way (i.e. holiday "fun" with the family...). I felt some anger towards a response to suicide in general, because I felt that other people's experience of suicide may lead them to make statements that are not necessarily accurate or appropriate to my friend's suicide.
The news and updates and such about pseudoname's suicide were appearing on both supportive (i.e. psycho-babble main site) AND non-supportive (i.e. Administration site) locations.
When I read the administration board, I tend to get opinionated. I tend to identify with more extreme viewpoints, and seek to make changes that align with those viewpoints. I try to "improve" babble. This occurs INDEPENDENTLY of grieving, and is why I stay out of this part of the website.
So, two things happening at once- I want you to change your blocking policy. I want you to change it in a direction that will suit the opinions of MANY, because we all are affected by blocking policy. I do not get a good sense of what babbler's think about blocking policy, because arguments are usually very influenced by the current events-- in terms of who's blocked now, and for how long.
I got frustrated, because I sensed a contradiction on your part- I sensed that you wish to get feedback from users, but that you also wish to limit decision making. It is equally frustrating that we are very rarely privy to your rationale for making changes. Even major, dramatic changes are often announced like: I'm trying out a new blocking system; or, what do the deputies think? or, let's try this out for now.
If you could explain your reasoning a little bit better, it would help ME to understand whether you are more flexible in terms of some policy changes vs. others. It would help me understand what kind of data and feedback informs your decisions. It would help me understand that making suggestions on the Administration board is not an exercise in futile whining, but that our suggestions are considered seriously.
It doesn't matter whether 10 babblers consider my suggestion seriously. On the Administration board, it only matters that 1 Dr. Bob considers my suggestions seriously.
Yeah, I was a little emotional in the week or so following Pseudoname's suicide, but part of that follows inevitably (for me!) from spending time on the psycho-babble Admin board.
Okay, so I'm ready to talk about MY anger.
I'm angry that I should first learn of pseudoname's death on a thread that contained non-supportive posts.
I'm angry that suicide in general is argued to be a taboo or contagious behavior, without regard to my friend's suicide.
I'm angry that remembering a dead psycho-babbler in a memorial is considered unacceptable to some.
I'm angry that discussion of this topic is stifled by the persistent fear of your blocking policies.
I'm angry that Dr. Bob weighs in so rarely, even on the Administrative board, where his opinion ultimately is the only one that matters.
I'm angry at my mom, and my family, and my life. and that is also exacerbated by a feeling of disenfranchisement and disempowerment that I get when I spend too much time on the Admin board.
I'm angry at myself. One of my self-inflicted wounds is infected and it hurts.
enough anger?
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:713539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/714584.html