Posted by morgan miller on July 18, 2010, at 11:57:07
In reply to Re: Holy Basil Rocks!))) Morgan, posted by Lao Tzu on July 13, 2010, at 10:21:04
>Is lack of energy the worst symptom that is bothering you, Morgan? What other symptoms do you need improvement on? You sound as if you can function okay.
My fatigue has been extreme. I also have muscle and mental fatique. My legs are not only injured but they also often feel unusually weak and stiff. My whole body feels this way at times, especially when my legs also feel this way. I really don't know what is going on with me. These symptoms began after I started treating myself with lamictal after I fell into the deepest darkest depression of my life. Nowadays there seems to be no rhyme or reason to why I feel the way I do at times. I'm really not functioning o.k., I just force myself to work. Actually, my co-workers and managers have noticed that I am not really "present" at times and have talked to me out of being concerned. I'm really hoping that treating my thyroid will help some. I'm also in my second week of taking micronized DHEA. I have a feeling my problems are pretty complicated-rooted in nerve damage, fascia scarring, subluxation, other musculoskeletal issues, and biochemical issues. I'm going to see a neurologist about my fasciculating and sore calve muscles and a physiatrist about all my musculoskeletal issues. I will demand a spinal tap just to make sure there are not any lesions on my spine. Just want to cover all the bases. That's why I say there are so many more things going on here contributing than just me being bipolar. Actually, all the things that I cherished and loved about my life and myself that helped keep me in check over the years and relieved my anxiety are gone for the moment.
>I can function okay, too, it's just that I have to rehabilitate as far as socialization. I've had that problem for a long, long time. I never felt like I was on the same wavelength as most people. I felt rather rigid and nervous around people, especially those I don't know well. I tend to have a mistrust of people, even when there is no reason to mistrust them. Schizophrenia has a lot to do with cognitive dysfunction. You tend to have beliefs that aren't based on reality. I still have this lingering problem. You tend to be disconnected from people, and I think it has a lot to do with neurotransmitters that regulate excitation and inhibition. There is a dysfunction there. When you're not on medication, everything seems overstimulating. You can't concentrate on rational thought. And of course, there is a dysfunction of the dopamine-serotonergic system in the frontal/prefrontal cortex of the brain, which may explain a lot of the cognitive dysfunction. I'm rambling, aren't I?
Ha ha, you were not rambling at all. That's what this is all about, sharing our life experiences and struggles. You can't do that without going on in detail and length. I wouldn't call that rambling, although I too myself often say that I am rambling when I go on about my life and my problems. It's natural.
I'm so sorry you have had such a difficult time with socialization, it must be awful. Socializing and having positive relationships is what life is truly all about, IMHO. So, to not feel like you can enjoy socializing freely and have healthy relationships is devastating-it is to me at least. I can relate somewhat to how you feel and struggle but not quite you the extend you do and have in the past. In highschool I went through a period where I did not hang out with anyone for a few years. I even found myself eating lunch outside my next classroom instead of in the cafeteria with everyone else. I simply did not have any confidence or sense of who I was or who I was becoming and could not handle some of the harsh ways of highschoolers. I did not know how to stand up for myself and dish out a little healthy dose of what was dealt out to me. It was a rough time. Luckily, I was eventually able to break out and become quite the extroverted butterfly. I think 22, the first time I was on medication, prozac, was the first years I actually really felt confident and could truly enjoy myself free of stress, awkwardness or worry. I don't think it was just the prozac but it certainly made an impact.
The last two years have been very difficult for me as far as being able to enjoy a social life. This has been devastating for me since being social and going out with friends and meeting new people was one of the most important aspects of my life. So I really feel for you and not ever really feeling like you were able to truly connect and feel comfortable socially to the point where you could flourish and feel alive in the world.
>Did you ever get a definite diagnosis of your condition, Morgan? If you know exactly what you have, it's easier to understand it and what you have to do to deal with it. For years, I never knew I was bipolar/schizophrenic. I wasn't properly diagnosed for so many years.
I never really had a definite diagnosis. I just know that I fall somewhere under the spectrum of bipolar. Some may say bipolar I based on my last severe mixed manic episode, others may say bipolar II, who knows. I'm not so sure it really matters that much. I just need to find out what works for me without negatively affecting my congition or any other physiological/physical function. I too never knew I was bipolar for years, as I stated in one of my previous posts. I truly believe I may not be where I am right now if I were aware of my diagnosis years ago. Of course, this would have taken the right course of action and the least invasive most effective course of treatment. I think knowing would have empowered me in a way that I could have checked my behavior and been aware of it to the point of being able to modify it some. Much of my past behavior resulted in many of the physical and physiological issues I am suffering from today. I do have to say that I also believe that our childhood experience most likely contributed and may still be contributing to the development and current condition of our illnesses. This is why I am such a strong believer in psychodynamic individual and group therapy.
Morgan
poster:morgan miller
thread:951856
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100703/msgs/954880.html