Posted by Lao Tzu on July 13, 2010, at 10:21:04
In reply to Re: Holy Basil Rocks!))) Morgan » Lao Tzu, posted by morgan miller on July 12, 2010, at 21:57:04
Yeah, I know what you mean about being "different" with the illness. And also being held back as well. You're right about that! It's strange how you can feel so different after a meltdown. In some ways, I have enhancement, such as an improved memory which I didn't have before I started taking all the meds and the supplements. And I'm also quicker to respond to statements made by other people, which I didn't have before. I feel less anxious, but I still withdrawal from people. Might have to do with neurotransmitters that regulate excitation and inhibition, such as Glutamate and GABA. When you have fear, there is a dysregulation of GABA neurotransmission in some parts of the brain. I've also believed this may be a missing piece of the puzzle because I was a lot more sociable and more responsive to social cues when I was taking a benzodiazepine everyday.
Anyway, you're not a zero! A zero wouldn't do anything with his life or try to better it. It all has to do with working through your problems one small step at a time. Extreme patience is what is necessary. Otherwise, you'll envision every little stressor in your life as a major drama. I used to do this everyday of my life years ago. I still do it to some degree now, but I think I am more calm now, take things in stride so to speak. I live a retiring life at 39. This shouldn't be, but that's my life. I should be out working, travelling, meeting women, etc. I should be well on my own by now. I had a brief stint of being on my own, and I was so distressed when I lost everything, including some of my confidence. I know now that I am on the road to recovery. I am more positive now than I was five years ago, but the social withdrawal is a lingering negative symptom of my illness. I try not to dwell on it. I'm waiting patiently for the new medications to address negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I have a feeling they will help, but it's going to be awhile yet.
Is lack of energy the worst symptom that is bothering you, Morgan? What other symptoms do you need improvement on? You sound as if you can function okay. I can function okay, too, it's just that I have to rehabilitate as far as socialization. I've had that problem for a long, long time. I never felt like I was on the same wavelength as most people. I felt rather rigid and nervous around people, especially those I don't know well. I tend to have a mistrust of people, even when there is no reason to mistrust them. Schizophrenia has a lot to do with cognitive dysfunction. You tend to have beliefs that aren't based on reality. I still have this lingering problem. You tend to be disconnected from people, and I think it has a lot to do with neurotransmitters that regulate excitation and inhibition. There is a dysfunction there. When you're not on medication, everything seems overstimulating. You can't concentrate on rational thought. And of course, there is a dysfunction of the dopamine-serotonergic system in the frontal/prefrontal cortex of the brain, which may explain a lot of the cognitive dysfunction. I'm rambling, aren't I?
Did you ever get a definite diagnosis of your condition, Morgan? If you know exactly what you have, it's easier to understand it and what you have to do to deal with it. For years, I never knew I was bipolar/schizophrenic. I wasn't properly diagnosed for so many years.
There were so many times in my life where I felt that if I were normal, I would have made so many friends and I would have dated a lot more. I have regrets, but I try not to lay any guilt traps on myself and just focus on the present.
What I can discern from your posts is that YOU have potential to get the life you want. It's going to be difficult, but I'm sure you can overcome your illness and get on with life. I'm hoping I can do the same in time. Keep working and keep dating. It is a good thing for anyone. Peace.Lao
poster:Lao Tzu
thread:951856
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100703/msgs/954310.html