Posted by Todd on April 24, 2000, at 1:08:39
In reply to Re: shouldnt have posted that - , posted by Brenda on April 23, 2000, at 11:22:44
This is perhaps one of the best threads I have seen in quite some time. These discussions are brilliant, particularly those submitted by Mark H. I am bipolar/manic, meaning I have had a major manic episode and a few fleeting hypomanic states and near misses, but no instances of clinical depression. I guess I am one of the "lucky" ones, but we all have our crosses to bear. Being bipolar in a "normal" world is not always a picnic.
I think boB put it best - modern psychiatry today puts far too much emphasis on medicating so-called mental patients. Not nearly enough emphasis is put on good old-fashioned psychotherapy, but more importantly, spirituality is an aspect that is almost completely ignored. To say our conditions are merely biological is to completely ignore the very real possibility that true healing may actually occur, and that we hold the key to that healing within ourselves. We are not JUST a body, or a mind, or a soul. The three are intricately and inextricably intertwined. Anything that is off in one aspect will affect the others.
I had my big manic episode over 10 years ago while I was in college. It was preceded by a lot of internal religious questioning. It was a classic textbook case, with all of the grandiosity and euphoria and sleeplessness and reckless behavior that usually accompanies a manic episode. But in the wildest highs of that mania, I experienced some startling revelations and touched a truly beautiful place. I babbled endlessly about all sorts of spiritual things to my family and friends, and alll of a sudden, life seemed to make SO much sense. Of course, the way it came out of my mouth was enough to land me in a mental hospital. I really felt that "I" was the sane one, everyone else was crazy, and spent all of my energy trying to convince everyone that they could be happy. Of course, what I experienced was described as delusional, grandiose, and once the lithium kicked in, the vividness of it all faded into the background. Thank GOD! I couldn't handle all of that energy running through my system, and thank God I had loving family and friends that knew something was amiss. Lithium works well for me, and I lead a completely normal life, if you want to label it that way.
The point of what I am getting around to saying is that in the years since that mania, and in the process of coming to terms with and embracing that aspect of myself, I never forgot the visions and the "understanding" that I experienced at the time. It was all too real at the time and made too much sense for me ever to forget. So for years I kept my little ideas in the back of my mind, vowing to validate them with personal experience as I continue to walk my path. I have done a lot of reading in spiritual matters since then, trying to find a framework for my ideas. I have since become a big fan of metaphysics and the concept of the chakra system.
I am not here to "convert" anyone, just to share my ideas and hope a few benefit. When I first came across these ideas years ago, I dismissed it as New Age bunk. I have since then had enought personal experience to convince me that there is a lot of validity to the concept. Even if you don't buy the idea that we are all walking rainbows, you'll find a lot of wisdom here. The whole premise is that within our body there are 7 centers of energy or "processing" centers that universal energy runs through. Each center represents a different level of consciousness or viewpoint on "reality." In order, from the bottom, survival, emotions, will, love, creativity and expression, vision, and divine connection are represented. If there are any issues or "blocks" below, energy cannot reach the higher levels and make us feel "whole." One cannot be emotionally healthy if they have survival issues, and one cannot love uncondionally and receive unconditional love if there are unresolved emotional issues. Very simple in theory, but very complex in reality, since everyone has a completely different set of issues to unravel and deal with.
For the most part, the issues we have to resolve are largely unconscious, and stem from patterns that were set in motion from birth to about 4 or 5 years old. Early childhood traumas are buried and sent into the subconcious. This is what some would call the "inner child." A great deal of everyone's modes of behavior are actually governed by the inner child. The whole idea is to revisit the inner child and make the subconcious concious, so that we no longer get sucked into the same patterns. We have to take the inner child out of the driver's seat. The inner child aspect of ourselves will always remain, but once we meet the inner child on his or her own terms and understand him or her, we then have the ability to CHOOSE a different behavior and stay out of the self-destructive patterns. Meeting your inner child is NOT easy.
I truly believe that anyone suffering from depression has the inner child running on overdrive. If you think that your fear, guilt, sadness, or anger is irrational, it IS. Your subconcious is processing all of your input through a confused child's eyes and sending all of the sensations back to your conscious. You experience all of the symptoms of depression and are powerless to stop them or to understand why. The reason the inner child is subconcious is because the original pain you suffered was too great to deal with on a conscious level, so it was buried. You processed the information as best you could with your childlike understanding and it became your mode for survival. The problem is, you still use that internal program everday without even knowing it, and that internal program is hopelessly inadequate to deal with your adult-life situations.
We all have to re-examine our childhood in a loving way. The fact that you feel your depression is a sign that you are already loving yourself. I truly believe that we are all here on this earth to heal ourselves, and feeling all of the pain is the first step. The next step is to relate the pain you are feeling now with similar situations you encountered as a child. Re-examine the way your parents raised you, and the way they made you feel. Realize how their shortcomings and attitudes and mistakes affected the way you felt about yourself growing up. Your parents weren't perfect, but as a child, YOU thought they were. That makes a huge imprint on our psyche. Realize that you were born innocent, and at your core, you are still! REALLY! Treat yourself with love and respect. The process could take years or a whole lifetime, but if you really look within WITHOUT being critical of yourself, you will eventually get closer. Once you realize that you're NOT a bad kid, you can start to find out who you really are and start to shine your light into this world. I have only just begun.
As far as my mania is concerned, I have come to believe that a manic episode is really a tapping-into of Divine knowledge, with no ground for true understanding or integration. It's way too much energy being sent into a system that has too many unresolved issues. It's the inner child falsely thinking he knows everything and can manipulate the world to his advantage. Of course, that isn't reality. And that's why mania is mania. But there is a great deal of truth mixed in.
We are all interconnected. Everything we do to interact with other people continues the chain of cause and effect. We are all here to learn our lessons, to grow, and to heal. I believe there are NO accidents - every single waking moment, we all get what we need to accomplish that task. I really believe that we are here to love each other and to make the world a better place. But we have to love ourselves first. Then there will be plenty to go around.
Sorry this has turned into a novel. When the muse takes me, I run with it. I hope I have piqued your imaginations, or maybe I made you laugh out loud. I'll quote Lennon - You may say that I'm dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I'm looking forward to your responses.
poster:Todd
thread:30376
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000420/msgs/31121.html