Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: realities

Posted by Rebecca on April 21, 2000, at 17:28:20

In reply to Re: To: Lunatic, Mark H., and anyone else... , posted by Cass on

Part of my depression has involved big philosophical issues like religion and the nature of reality, but my experiences of a different form of reality have made me suicidal rather than hopeful about staying alive. it's difficult to explain, especially in retrospect. but it's like experiencing the true nature of reality and knowing that I should exist, truly belong, in that realm but can't while I exist corporeally.

to make a long and convoluted story short, after I told my then-psychologist about a situation earlier that week when I would have tried to kill myself without second thoughts if I'd had a quick and easy means, I ended up with a psychiatrist appointment the next day (he's one of those people who is booked 6 weeks into the future) and got antipsychotics to supplement the ADs.

but I've got mixed feelings about it all. I fully and absolutely believed that I had the opportunity to experience true reality, while life itself was something provisional, so in the grand scheme of things, killing myself was not inherently bad--it was in fact a good thing. I can't accept the idea that I was delusional due to screwy neurotransmitters, so I'm left wondering if that sort of experience is something that I want, knowing fully that it could result in me killing myself.




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