Posted by Cass on April 24, 2000, at 16:20:00
In reply to shouldnt have posted that - , posted by Deb R on April 23, 2000, at 8:29:53
I guess I am both humbled and alienated by the previous posts by boB and DebR about forgiving your mothers. My mother was rejecting, shaming, withholding of love, and physically neglectful. She always found a way to communicate, "You are not wanted." I have not been able to forgive her. She seemed only to be content when I was unhappy, and she seemed enormously threatened by any good fortune of mine. Once I invited a boyfriend over, and my mother dressed up more nicely than I had ever seen her dress, all in black. She doused herself with perfume, and fawned all over my boyfriend all night. It was clearly a competition to her. She had told me when I was younger that no man could ever love me. My mother was so demure, considerate and polite outside of the house that no one could understand my unhappiness. So my question for boB and Deb R is, aside from the fact that your mother tried to kill you or kill herself, was the relationship otherwise loving? I think that if my mother had been loving as a rule, no matter how drastic her mistake, I would be able to forgive her. However, I feel that she used me as a sacrifice to feed her pride and vanity. She had to make me inferior, so she could feel superior. I guess I would just like a little more insight into your relationships with your mothers, if you feel comfortable giving it. If you don't, I understand. Am I less of a person because I cannot forgive?
poster:Cass
thread:30376
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000420/msgs/31165.html