Posted by Dee on August 20, 1999, at 23:48:04
In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27
> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here struggling to get control of my depressive illness, and have very strong feelings about the impact this illness has had, is having, and may have in the future, on my life.
>
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression? If pregnancy is out because of my dependence on medication, will I be able to adopt? Or, will I be ruled out as an adoptive parent because of my depression?
>
> As for marriage: It is hard not to feel completely defective and unsuitable with this illness.
>
> Are any of you struggling with these thoughts?Yardena,
Please don't think of yourself (or any of us for that matter) as carriers of depressive disorder. I've been visiting this site for about the week now, and I must say that I have never felt so much sincere caring, concern and sense of community as I do here. There are lots of wonderful people of very special disposition, who deal with their problems to the best of their ability – and seem to be doing a darn good job of it as far as I can tell.
If there is such a thing as depressive disorder gene that you may pass to your child, there are also all these other genes that make each of us a very special person. Take an honest look at yourself, your accomplishments, creativity, the love you are capable of giving... Don't you think that a child with these qualities deserves to be born.
For myself I can say that if my parent had shown nearly as much concern to my well being as you seem to give the child you are only thinking about, I don't think I'd have a depressive disorder. Anyway, an informed, caring parent who'd be able to recognize it in a child would be able to help the child not to fall into the cycle of shame, secrets, and yet deeper depression.And we live in a world that has really taught us little more than to consider ourselves less than, and so we are used to look at the worst in ourselves and compare it to the best in others. That is a lie, and we should not subscribe to that lie anymore. Consider what is the best in you, and remember that if you choose to have a child, that child will have some of the qualities that make you unique... I know that worrying is our daily routine, but try not to think that you wouldn't be good enough to carry a child. You are.
Dee
poster:Dee
thread:10326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991028/msgs/10449.html