Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 7:55:07

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by Janice on August 19, 1999, at 22:57:32


Until recently I had a similar wish about my depression. I hadn't conceptualized it as a beast I needed to kill, but I did keep repeating a pattern that included wishing that "this will be my last depressive episode", as if after this one, I hope I am done with depression forever. It is kind of the flip side of the coin from the depressive belief, when I am in the deepest, most hopleless mood, that I will never NOT be depressed. Recently, I realized that investing too much in the wish to be rid of the depression once and for all is adding to the problem. I have decided to try to accept the apparent reality that this illness is a fact of life for me. Sometimes it is active, sometimes not. Hopefully I can get it under control enough so that most of my life will be spent in remission. Letting go of the need to become a "person without depression" feels like an important step for me. It lets me off the hook a bit, so that I am beginning to be able to STOP BLAMING MYSELF FOR BEING DEPRESSED, which has been one of the most debilitating aspects of this illness. So, to modify your metaphor a bit, I would say that my goal is not to kill the beast (although I would love for it to disappear), but to accept that it is a presence in my life and try to TAME it. What do you think?




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