Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Elizabeth on August 19, 1999, at 15:46:27

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here struggling to get control of my depressive illness, and have very strong feelings about the impact this illness has had, is having, and may have in the future, on my life.
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression? If pregnancy is out because of my dependence on medication, will I be able to adopt? Or, will I be ruled out as an adoptive parent because of my depression?

Hi there. My mom, who also has a history of depression, had a child (my little sister) at age 40. I will say it was tough (I later found out that it took 2 years and 1 miscarriage), but she managed and I think has done a fine job (my sister is now 16). My family has basically been very functional. I will say that I got the depression (much worse than my mom's, in fact), but my sister didn't. So it's not set in stone that your children will be depressed.

I'd ask a lawyer about whether you can be discriminated against by adoption agencies. Sadly, it's possible.

> As for marriage: It is hard not to feel completely defective and unsuitable with this illness.

Get treatment first. Don't worry about your age; the good ones get taken early, but then they realize what a mistake they've made and get divorced. (Personally I think a lot of people get married and have kids too early, in terms of how long they've been dating each other as well as in terms of what phase of life they're in.)

> Are any of you struggling with these thoughts?

Well, I'm 23, but I do worry a lot about the future. Things feel very uncertain. Feeling genuinely "recovered," getting A's in my classes, and having gotten into what seems (so far) to be a very successful relationship have helped restore my self-confidence. So I guess I'd say, treat the depression first, then try to deal with all that other stuff.




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