Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Life on Meds...The Beast

Posted by Susan Jane on September 16, 1999, at 16:33:51

In reply to Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 20, 1999, at 7:55:07


> So, to modify your metaphor a bit, I would say that my goal is not to kill the beast (although I would love for it to disappear), but to accept that it is a presence in my life and try to TAME it. What do you think?

Thank you for bringing up the subtle shift that can take a much dreaded battle and making it into something else. I have a favorite story that I've read again and again in the last 9 months of living hell.

The story is about a young womyn who chooses to join a nunnery instead of getting married. She quickly finds herself performing the same tasks she would have if married. Upon complaining, her superior asks "And where do you think holiness lies?" Chagrined the young nun returned to her duties. As the years went by she found rhythm and serenity to her days. Eventually she was initiated into the higher ranks and had many mystical experiences. Nevertheless, one day she was talking to potential recruits when she was profoundly struck with how her life had turned out. Not able to speak another word she retired to her room. After some thought, she decided that she needed to follow her childhood dream of becoming a great holy person, packed her few belongings and walked into the mountains alone. Finding a suitable cave, she vowed to devote herself fully to her task. The days and seasons when by one after another as she allowed herself to be present and aware. One day she was returning from collecting firewood when she discovered her cave filled with fearsome demons. She was horrified to see them tossing around her belongings, yelling and screaming, and now making faces at her. Determined not be defeated she walked in among them trying to ignore them. But they yelled all the more loudly and began grabbing her cloths and swinging from them. After a moments thought, she said "You are such fearsome demons, and I am such a small insignificant person, surely there are others that merit your attention." With this some of the demons disappeared. But many still remained wailing and pulling at her robes. Again she thought for a few moments, stood up a little straighter and said "Leave me alone, I know many powerful holy people and I am under their protection. You had better leave now before you must face their wrath!" And some more of the demons disappeared. Yet, some still remained, cavorting and menacing her with their teeth. Beside herself, she nearly shouted "I, too, am a powerful holy person. I have studied for many years and am very skilled. Leave now or face my wrath!" And all the demons disappeared... but one. The biggest, ugliest, most horrible one of them all. The nun knew that she had nothing left to say. She knew that she couldn't defeat this demon. With courage and dignity she faced the demon and walked toward it. As she walked she felt her fear fall away, and her heart fill with compassion. Stepping into the mouth of the demon, it vanished in a rainbow cloud. And she knew in that instant that the freedom she had sought had been within her all along.

May that we all be able to make peace with ourselves and to live within each moment. There are other ways of living beside battling ourselves, besides suffering and stuggling.
SusanJane :)




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