Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 14:37:52
In reply to Re: Caught in my own head, posted by Sean on September 30, 1999, at 14:10:59
>
> I have *lots* of thoughts on this as I can totally
> relate to the depth/depression/art thing vs.
> being stable and joyous.I don't think creativity is anything that we can just simply assume is there. For me, I find it to be a result of a very hard living and work, perhaps coupled with an innate disposition.
I've gone this path before - when I stopped taking street drugs, and I felt that I was killing my creativity. And it did take a couple of years before I was able to do anything with it again. And the result was a different kind of energy, a new perspective and new kind of introspection.
Then again when I got on AD's I was afraid that the depression deficiency would kill the soulful me. But I have learned not to worry. The way I see it, some of my unproductive periods are phases of growing, when my creativity is learning its ways around the new circumstances, and once that has happened, I find bursts of uninhibited energy that just wishes to get down on paper.
The best thing I can do to nurture my creativity is to try to live as many lives as possible, to increase the diversity of my frames of reference, to try to see the world and myself in different ways. Sometimes I may find the street where I live breathtakingly beautiful in sunlight, some other time in moonlight, or being covered with snow. These are all different experiences, and I cannot say that any one is above any other. It is not the still image that inspires, it is the progress, the change, the winds that blow over us.
The same way I want to cherish the expression that is in me that is depression and anxiety, and the powerful creative energy that it creates. But uniformity is death, I get the true perspective on depression when I have a few sunny days to refer to, when I can light a candle in the dark and let the contrast blow me away.
I am in the process of trying to find that brighter side of my living, still, and always holding on to the experiences and growth that the depression has brought me. But after thirty years it has ceased to give me much more than pain, the result of it has been harvested over and over, and it is about time for me to plant some new seeds, and grow toward accepting a new perspective to my life.
The fog is lifting, and I am seeing possibilities I never dreamed would exist.
poster:Dee
thread:12306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12340.html