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Re: Caught in my own head

Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 12:10:00

In reply to Caught in my own head, posted by JennyAnn on September 30, 1999, at 9:39:22

That was one of my major concerns, that I might lose my cretaivity that I somehow attributed to the depression. And I am sure that there is a correlation, if not directly with depression, thaen at least the experiences, and the places it has taken me to.

But I have to face the fact that when I was depressed I felt so bad that I couldn't sit down and write of most of the experiences and feelings that I had just because getting htere would push me to the tremendous fits of anxiety. Also what I found, that although I did write a lot during episodes of major depressions, ans soem of that writing is my best, I just pushed all that away in that forgotten corner of my harddisk, and never really picked it up again. Itr is only lately that I have gone back there and actually started the fierce labor of editing some of the thousands of pages that lay there.

I don't think that we should deny the positive effect that the depression has to our creativity, it is certainly there. I find, however, that I have been tapping into that one source for thirty years now, and I need to be able to access the other parts of my personality and other aspects of my creativityu that have been unaccessible so far. What we have felt and gone through will always been there with us, and I truly cherish the thirty years of writing from the deep dark places. But I AM NOT the depression, it is just one part of me, no more or less than any other of my qualities. And I truly find that the best thing for my creativeity right now is to staep aside and let a little more cheerful part of me to let participate in the creative process.

By the way, the medicines have not removed the depression, just made it easier to cope with... Biggest difference I find is that I am a little more social, even at my darker moments; that I can tell people that I am depressed without feeling lesser than.

Dee


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poster:Dee thread:12306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12328.html