Posted by DL on October 7, 1998, at 22:11:08
In reply to Re: Frustration, posted by Toby on October 7, 1998, at 15:58:38
> Another doctor won't likely call in a prescription unless he works in the same office and can access your chart; in that case, he might.
--Left a message for the therapist I see (at the same Health Center) and asked if she could help straighten out this mess. She called back in the afternoon. The pharmacist had also called them. I explained clearly about the script and somehow they got it straightened out and called into pharmacy and ok'd with insurance. So, what do you think happened next? That I went to the pharmacy and they had it? Of course not....They found that they did not have enough on hand to fill the presciption! So...they gave me 4 (30mg) tablets to get me through the weekend and asked me to call back! I'm sure there is a message in this somewhere for me, but I'm not seeing it now.
> Regarding the Remeron, I like to have my patients hang out at 30 mg for a few weeks and then go up to 45 mg if a full response is not reached at 30 mg.
I can do this if they ever come through with the script. I don't even remember at this point when I started the 30mg. How would I know if I have a full response?
> Kindness does touch the heart and make people cry (look at any Hallmark commercial), and for people that don't have much early experience with it, it can reach a point where almost any gentle action can be overwhelming.
When I was young--even as a teen I wanted to reach out and connect with people deeply. The anguish inside was intense--but something kept me from doing so. I think that whenever I allowed myself to be vulnerable as a child I was trampled. The need to protect myself was so ingrained that I could not get out of the steel cage. As a young adult on my own, away from that atmosphere, I started to connect and open up. It was like an awakening of sorts. I wouild sit up all night with my roommate and friends and share stories and feelings Then came the years of marriage with eventual alcoholism, abuse and isolation. The same thing happened again and overcame me without me realizing it. Perhaps it felt familiar to me? Slowly , slowly...I sunk into that place where pain ate away at my spirit and person--and again I couldn't get out of the cage. I came to believe I couldn't make it on my own with 3 children and I just tried harder and harder and harder to be better and better and better so things would get fixed--if i could just wait out the pain. But, of course it didn't happen. I loved my children dearly with no problem. But it hurt so much to care about and do things for my husband and receive nothing in return. Now I openly crave those human connections. I have friends who know the real me and support my steps to health. But, I just can't get enough. It's almost as if I need to go back and find that love and caring at the time it was meant to be.
Did you ever read the book, I think it is called HOMECOMING about revisiting your inner child from the past. I borrowed it once a few years ago and could not make it through the exercises. Once I got back into my childhood such vivid scenes came back that I hurt too bad to continue. I took it back to the library. I know, I know....go get that EMDR!! Need to file petition for divorce and find apartment first....
RE: SLEEP---I think either the klonopin or kava would help me sleep--along with the Remeron. But I was trying to d/c the klonopin because I know it would be good to get rid of it. Like you said, the less toxins I put into me the better. I was hoping the Remeron would fix the sleep all by itself. Is it probably better to take the klonopin or the kava if I need something for sleep, or should I continue to try to tough it out without?
Do you suppose the EMDR people would respond if I wrote a letter to them with questions? It is hard to call from my open area desk at work and ask personal type questions--and I am not supposed to make personal calls there. When I get home everyone is closed.
Thanks again and again.
Dotty
poster:DL
thread:827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990601/msgs/844.html