![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 5:33:10
- Hypersocial, cruising hallways all day looking for someone to chat with.
- Craving sex, sex, sex.
- Craving romance, romance, romance.
- Craving fun, fun, fun.
- Had this intense idea about total acceptance of my body and aging self. It was elusive yet seemed all encompassing. Intense feelings of grief.
- Calling friend at midnight to discuss idea about total acceptance of aging self. He didn't get it.
- Said things that were just a little bit inappropriate at work. Thinking it's OK to be a little wilder, a little flirtatious, I"m usually too uptight. Not getting good response.
- Wearing dresses and lipstick
- Considering nail polish. Attraction to nail polish is one of my major hypo indicators, seriously.It's so confusing. I truly have been too withdrawn, too non-social lately. So it seems like a good thing, suddenly I'm more open, more free. But it's always this way, I think it's some real change, then it's just a moodswing.
There's this feeling of intense craving for romance and excitement. This is how I felt as a teenager, for years. Hey maybe it's hormonal. Maybe I'm going menopausal.
Oh I know, I should call the pdoc already. But it feels so interesting, so vivid. You all know how that is. I want to be the new me, and I want the rest of the world to meet me up here.
Posted by Dinah on August 31, 2002, at 9:34:43
In reply to Going hypo? , posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 5:33:10
Posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 12:48:53
In reply to Re: I understand, believe me.... (nm) » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2002, at 9:34:43
Its true, while I was gone, I had to actually go "outside" and I thought maybe I'd feel different if I called myself something else,
And the name I used was Tabitha.
Its such a good name.
It didn't change my life though, not even at starbucks.
Seems my perpetual teenage angst and yearnings,
were sent to you though.
Although I've never liked nail polish.
The rest was me. It was.
I've often said I would like to find my inner adult,
sorry,
I really did call myself tabitha,
for those reasons, and also so I could feel like I had you in my pocket when I went out.As long as you don't catch my fairy tale possession it shouldn't be to bad though.
Gabbi, (who will never take your name in vain again.)
Posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 13:22:34
In reply to Tabitha, It was my fault, posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 12:48:53
You were right,
I was so tense last night I killed a rabbit with a stick.Its not that I minded him being in my "yard"
But when he started waving that stick at me, I gave him a good kick.Had you going there didn't I, he he he he.
Oh dear, very bad joke, means I'm definately, hypo, Well, I have called super doc.
sorry for that groan,
Gabbi
Posted by Roo on August 31, 2002, at 14:42:01
In reply to Re: Tabitha, regarding fierce bunnies...., posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 13:22:34
Tabitha...oh man, I totally understand. I go through
that a lot. I'm in the downswing now, but last week I
was having all these manic fantasies about doing these
appearances as a guest speaker at this place here for recovering
drug addicts...I was going to teach them all about meditation and it's
benefits (when I haven't even meditated in a couple of months myself!)...
I was going to rock their world man, completely change their lives!
Then I started having all these fantasies about becoming an aerobics
instructor (and if you knew me, you'd know how ludicrious that is!)...I
was going to be the best aerobics instructor! I was going to have the hippest,
most rocking hip hop music! Everyone was going to love me!I started manically sending all these revealing, as me and Gabbi would say "emotionally
promiscuous" emails to all my friends...I'd just send like this big diary entry under a group heading
of friends...at the time I thought they were bloody brillliant, but now I think I was just
being inappropriate (and at the time I thought "inappropriate? How boring! True geniuses don't
worry about being inappropriate!)...and I think I was just irritating all my friends, basically,
and seeming pretty full of myself. Then of course a week later, I'm "The Worst Person In the World", with
the lowest self esteem in the world.Oh god....
And it's so disappointing and even somehow embarrassing b/c the part of you
knows that you ALWAYS do this, and then the down swing comes...nothing ever
happens with all that energy...it's so....oh, I don't even know the word to
describe it...absurd, surreal, existential?Are you bipolar? Do you take a mood stabilizer? I'm not on anything right
now, so the swings are really bad. (I'm cyclothymic...seem to move more towards
bipolar 2 as I get older, for some reason, it seems to get worse)...
Posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 14:57:52
In reply to Re: Tabitha, posted by Roo on August 31, 2002, at 14:42:01
Roo, was that response to Tabitha from me or you?
Well I didn't have fantasies about aerobics...
but the rest was spooky again.
Just needed to point that out.not sure why exactly.
Gabbi
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 16:56:50
In reply to Re: Tabitha, regarding fierce bunnies...., posted by gabbix2 on August 31, 2002, at 13:22:34
OK, you almost got me with that bunny story, I was thinking wait, she fed the rabbit celery, why would she kill it?
I'm honored that you used my "name". For a long time I wanted to change my name to Elizabeth. I imagined I'd be a whole new person with the name Elizabeth. I'd be interesting, multifaceted, elegant, I'd wear cool jewelry and clothes and I'd age really well (I think my real name, which I won't even reveal, sounds like a young woman of questionable intelligence).
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 17:10:42
In reply to Re: Tabitha, posted by Roo on August 31, 2002, at 14:42:01
Funny, the grandiose fantasies. I always imagine throwing this huge party and being the toast of it, belting out a song and rocking out the crowd. Being universally loved and desired, of course. A catalyst for wild & sexy fun, waking everybody up from their stupor.
That whole thing about suddenly being too good for rules about "appropriateness" is so true. Then I get the terrible shame attacks afterward, since I"m ordinarily so shy & reserved.
I used to send all kinds of emotionally promiscuous emails too. Discovering Babble has helped avert some of that. Of course it's best if you just find friends who don't mind.
Had this idea I could just go out and meet men anywhere, talk to strangers everyplace I go (which is so not me). I think I'll at least go shopping, buy some cute stuff, then when I swing back down, they'll hang in my closet with the clothing evidence of my last upswing, since I usually wear plain old jeans and t-shirts all the time.
As to the mood stabilisers, well, I'm only taking 200mg neurontin, but I think it's not doing s*** anymore. I'm really intolerent of them. Tried topamax recently, but it made me too dizzy. I need a new doc, since not liking my doc contributes to avoiding going back.
Posted by Ted on August 31, 2002, at 21:44:58
In reply to Going hypo? , posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 5:33:10
Hey Tabbi,
Just where do you live? ;-)
Ted
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 23:05:52
In reply to Re: Going hypo? » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on August 31, 2002, at 21:44:58
You shameless married man, you... Tis only about 400 miles from you. How fast do you drive?
Posted by Ted on September 1, 2002, at 15:03:58
In reply to Re: Going hypo? » Ted, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on August 31, 2002, at 23:05:52
Hey Tabbi,
> You shameless married man, you...
Guilty as charged. Hey, with your description, what do you expect? Disinterest?
>Tis only about 400 miles from you. How fast do you drive?
Planes fly at 600 mph. Say, 2 or 3 hours door-to-door? Let me know the way. :-)
Ted
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 1, 2002, at 19:39:56
In reply to Re: Going hypo?, posted by Ted on September 1, 2002, at 15:03:58
>
> Guilty as charged. Hey, with your description, what do you expect? Disinterest?Did not think of it as enticing. Which part did you like??? Hmm, maybe I should use it as my online personal ad. "Unstable, temporarily hypersexual bipolar female seeks male... blah blah blah, ... reply quickly before mood changes."
>
> >Tis only about 400 miles from you. How fast do you drive?
>
> Planes fly at 600 mph. Say, 2 or 3 hours door-to-door? Let me know the way. :-)
Well well, many smiles to you, naughty Ted, :-) but... we're only kidding, right? When I was an AOL newbie and didn't know better I actually posted a profile with my sex and location. I got IM'd by men who would chat for about 2 sentences then ask if they could come over. Call me innocent but I couldn't believe such things actually happen. I could believe men would want that sort of anonymous quickie, but not women.I always need some kind of nonsexual entanglement first, to build up energy. For example, remember when I was posting recently about the little flirtation/kiss with my young coworker at a party, and feeling mortified having to face him at work later? Well there were like a hundred cute guys at that party that I could have chosen instead, guys who didn't know me and I would have never seen again. But it was the emotional tie that grabbed me. I get strong feelings for coworkers over time-- irritation, jealousy, competitiveness, curiousity, craving their approval, the whole mix, and the chance to sexualize all that is just irresistible (hey that's why I quit drinking at office parties).
I don't actually have much of a sex drive, in terms of just looking at a guy and wanting to jump his bones. Well, almost never.
Then again, I'm getting pretty emotionally involved with Babble, so keep flirting, our day may come yet...
Tabby
Posted by nikioct73 on September 1, 2002, at 20:03:16
In reply to Re: Going hypo?, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 1, 2002, at 19:39:56
You have no idea ..(or do ya..?)..how the comic relief in your Manic threads relaxes me...first real smile I've had in week..(bunnies...)makes me wonder about my own not so euthroid thoughts about being someone other than myself...I think we've all wanted to be that kick ass aerobics instructor/rock star...
thanks again..
Niki
Posted by Ted on September 1, 2002, at 21:38:40
In reply to Re: Going hypo?, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 1, 2002, at 19:39:56
Hi Tabby,
> > Guilty as charged. Hey, with your description, what do you expect? Disinterest?
>
> Did not think of it as enticing. Which part did you like???*>blush<* OK, here goes:
>- Hypersocial, cruising hallways all day looking for someone to chat with.
>- Said things that were just a little bit inappropriate at work. Thinking it's OK to be a little wilder, a little flirtatious....So you wanna talk dirty to me, huh? That sounds kinda fun. :-)
>- Craving sex, sex, sex.
Works for me.
>- Craving romance, romance, romance.
Fun too until it gets too complicated (unfortunately it only takes about 1 or 2 days with a woman before romance gets "too complicated").
- Craving fun, fun, fun.
Sounds like, well, fun
- Had this intense idea about total acceptance of my body and aging self. It was elusive yet seemed all encompassing. Intense feelings of grief.
I like total acceptance -- it means no hangups and we can have lots of fun (see above: talking dirty & sex, etc.).
I don't know how to handle that part about grief.
- Calling friend at midnight to discuss idea about total acceptance of aging self. He didn't get it.
Nah. It's midnight. Let me sleep. I have bipolar too. :-)
- Wearing dresses and lipstick
- Considering nail polish. Attraction to nail polish is one of my major hypo indicators, seriously.Add lingerie from Victoria's Secret and you sound yummier than any dessert. No lie. :-)
Nothing is sexier than a woman who likes being sexy. However, don't forget Lauren Bacall: "A man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman, any woman, with great legs." Since you sound hungry for attention, you sound like you will be interested in me, so this issue is also solved. :-)
>Hmm, maybe I should use it as my online personal ad. "Unstable, temporarily hypersexual bipolar female seeks male... blah blah blah, ... reply quickly before mood changes."
ROFLMAO! Could you imagine two bipolars in this way? If they meet at the right time, the earth will shake. If both at the wrong time, war will break out.
> > >Tis only about 400 miles from you. How fast do you drive?
> >
> > Planes fly at 600 mph. Say, 2 or 3 hours door-to-door? Let me know the way. :-)
>
>
> Well well, many smiles to you, naughty Ted, :-) but... we're only kidding, right?
I dunno.... Maybe I have to take a business trip soon. :-)>When I was an AOL newbie
Oxymoron. One needn't be redundant.
>I actually posted a profile with my sex and location. I got IM'd by men who would chat for about 2 sentences then ask if they could come over. Call me innocent but I couldn't believe such things actually happen. I could believe men would want that sort of anonymous quickie, but not women.
This is California. Lots of women like anonymous quickies. You just have to accept yourself and your desires. Nothing wrong with that -- it's sexy in fact.
> I always need some kind of nonsexual entanglement first, to build up energy.
So what is this? Church service?
> I don't actually have much of a sex drive, in terms of just looking at a guy and wanting to jump his bones. Well, almost never.
WHAT? You wait until NOW to say this? Geez. Now that just ruins everything. ;-)
>so keep flirting, our day may come yet...
How's this? :-)
Ted
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 2:12:01
In reply to Re: Going hypo? » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on September 1, 2002, at 21:38:40
Whoa, it was getting really warm in here, until...
>
> Fun too until it gets too complicated (unfortunately it only takes about 1 or 2 days with a woman before romance gets "too complicated").Sigh. Isn't that the sad part? After 1 or 2 days of, um, dalliance, I'd be completely hooked and you'd be out of there. I really believe sex makes women fall in love, and for men, it just, well, doesn't. It's just kind of like a good meal for them, it fills them up and they move on to the next activity.
>
> Nothing is sexier than a woman who likes being sexy. However, don't forget Lauren Bacall: "A man is more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman, any woman, with great legs." Since you sound hungry for attention, you sound like you will be interested in me, so this issue is also solved. :-)Yeah, there's something to be said for putting out vibes. I've got myself convinced, though, that most guys pursue the gorgeous babes who show little interest, and ignore the less gorgeous women who actually want them. (Not that I'm not gorgeous, of course.)
>
>
> >When I was an AOL newbie
>
> Oxymoron. One needn't be redundant.Hey be nice. I'm still on AOL. If you ask nicely I might tell you my screen name.
>
> This is California. Lots of women like anonymous quickies. You just have to accept yourself and your desires. Nothing wrong with that -- it's sexy in fact.My married guy friend told me this same thing. I guess I need to hear it from a woman to believe it. I just think even if women do indulge in anonymous quickies, it's with the fantasy that it's actually the start of some great passion. Then when the guy doesn't call, they feel like s***.
>
> > I always need some kind of nonsexual entanglement first, to build up energy.
>
> So what is this? Church service?Point taken. You probably don't want to hear this, but... this make me think. It's the painful entanglements that I try to sexualize, not like here where I"m actually having fun and feeling pretty much free to be myself. Isn't that sad? I need to get re-wired so I can actually get some real gratification, you know, being singularly cherished and accepted and loved and all that, plus sex.
>
> > I don't actually have much of a sex drive, in terms of just looking at a guy and wanting to jump his bones. Well, almost never.
>
> WHAT? You wait until NOW to say this? Geez. Now that just ruins everything. ;-)Sorry dear. The meds and all. Actually I"ve always been this way. Hypomania aside, I only feel a real physical desire about 2 days in my monthly cycle. Are you starting to get why I"m single?
>
> >so keep flirting, our day may come yet...
>
> How's this? :-)Pretty darn good, Ted, you big hunk of married 40 yr old mood-cyclin' silicon valley fruit-lovin' techie geek, er, I mean high-powered software executive.
Posted by Roo on September 2, 2002, at 10:03:45
In reply to Re: Going hypo?, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 2:12:01
Okay, y'all need to stop now, you're getting me all
vicariously riled up!
Posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 11:44:20
In reply to Re: Going hypo?, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 2:12:01
Hi Tabby,
> Whoa, it was getting really warm in here, until...
It's still kinda warm....
> > Fun too until it gets too complicated (unfortunately it only takes about 1 or 2 days with a woman before romance gets "too complicated").
> After 1 or 2 days of, um, dalliance, I'd be completely hooked and you'd be out of there.
Not necessarily. As long as you are neither aloof nor smothering nor possessive, it'll be fine.
>I really believe sex makes women fall in love, and for men, it just, well, doesn't. It's just kind of like a good meal for them, it fills them up and they move on to the next activity.
Sometimes, for some men. I don't think I was like that before I got married. As Ann Landers used to say, "Women give sex in exchange for love; men give love in exchange for sex." I think it's too general, but true in many cases.
>I've got myself convinced, though, that most guys pursue the gorgeous babes who show little interest, and ignore the less gorgeous women who actually want them.
My wife isn't the prettiest of my former girlfriends, not by a long shot. But she is smart and she likes me. That's what counts.
It goes both ways. That's why there are so many really nice single guys. I have two single female coworkers who have only had "bad boy" boyfriends and my secretary's husband is a "bad boy". None were interested in nice guys. Then they all complain about how mean and insensitive their "bad boys" are, how much trouble they are always in, how little money they make, how little they can be trusted, how their parents hate them, etc. My secretary is convinced now that she should have married a boring engineer. :-)
>(Not that I'm not gorgeous, of course.)
You're as gorgeous as you feel. Plus, some sexy lingerie, nail polish, lipstick, and a slinky dress go a long way. :-)
> > >When I was an AOL newbie
> > Oxymoron. One needn't be redundant.
> Hey be nice. I'm still on AOL.Sorry. You need not stay with AOL. If you use dialup, switch to Juno and save a bundle; otherwise switch to DSL or digital cable (what I use), and you don't need anything.
>If you ask nicely I might tell you my screen name.
I don't use AOL, so it wouldn't be of use. Perhaps an email address.... :-) Or a street address... :-) Or a phone number.... :-) Whoa, I better slow down here.
Or, just look in the recent archives and get my email address.
>>anonymous quickies.> My married guy friend told me this same thing. I guess I need to hear it from a woman to believe it.
So you don't believe anything a man says? So if your boyfriend whispers naughty, sexy compliments in your ear, you would look at him and say, "LIAR!"
Geez. Gimme a break. :-)
>Then when the guy doesn't call...
Phones work both ways, dear. Women can call men anytime, and women can ask men out on dates and ACTUALLY PAY FOR *THEM*! Amazing but true! And men actually *like* that! And they don't all see it as an invitation for sex!! Even more amazing!
That's why *a lot* of shy but nice, single men die batchelors. It's *really* tough to ask women out, especially the first time. And to keep trying in the face of rejection... Uggh. Not fun, not fun at all. Now you understand Jay.
Sorry. When my wife and I got married and combined our savings, etc., she said something like, "WOW! Why do I have *so much* more money than you?" My reply, "When was the last time you paid for a date? When was the last time you offered to drive, thus paying for gasoline, parking, etc.? I had to replace my bomb (junk auto) because you wouldn't ride in it on dates, but you still drive your bomb." You get the idea.
> You probably don't want to hear this, but... this make me think. It's the painful entanglements that I try to sexualize, not like here where I"m actually having fun and feeling pretty much free to be myself.
Why wouldn't I like this? You are feeling yourself, having fun, not getting entangled, etc. It's true for me too. And we can't be too sexual 400 miles apart.
>Isn't that sad?
No...
>I need to get re-wired so I can actually get some real gratification, you know, being singularly cherished and accepted and loved and all that, plus sex.
There are lots of single nice guys. Find one and have fun.
> Sorry dear. The meds and all. Actually I"ve always been this way. Hypomania aside, I only feel a real physical desire about 2 days in my monthly cycle. Are you starting to get why I"m single?
Well, my wife is wild for only about 4-5 days out of 28. That's natural. It's those who can't get enough for 29 out of those 28 days that are a little suspicious. :-)
You don't need "real physical desire". You only need to accept that your mate is "hungrier" and to relax. Also, _tell_ him what you like and want -- he'll find it sexy and you'll have a better time.
>...you big hunk of married 40 yr old mood-cyclin' silicon valley fruit-lovin' techie geek, er,
Careful there, slow down. :-)
>I mean high-powered software executive.
Nah. Ain't me. I hate management. BTDT.
Keep it coming, Tabby. It makes Niki & Roo get all excited. :-)
Ted
Posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 11:47:33
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted and Tabith, posted by Roo on September 2, 2002, at 10:03:45
Hi Roo,
> Okay, y'all need to stop now, you're getting me all
> vicariously riled up!No way! You'll have to join us!
I always wanted a threesome. :-)
Ted
Posted by nikioct73 on September 2, 2002, at 12:14:32
In reply to Re: Going hypo? » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 11:44:20
if I have to live through ya'll..might as well be interesting..keep it coming..:-)
Posted by Roo on September 2, 2002, at 12:30:34
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted and Tabith » Roo, posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 11:47:33
>
> No way! You'll have to join us!
> > I always wanted a threesome. :-)
(Smile)...and I picture Tabby to be such a cutie in
my mind's eye ;-)I always thought a threesome would be fun too--but ONLY
with strangers...would _never_ want to share my significant
other...i'm too jealous...I also think it's like most fantasies...it's probably more fun
of a fantasy than a reality. The mind can sometimes be hell...but then
the mind can be so much fun too! I really do believe the biggest sex
organ is between your ears.
>
> Ted
>
>
>
Posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 13:10:54
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted , posted by Roo on September 2, 2002, at 12:30:34
Hi Roo,
> (Smile)...and I picture Tabby to be such a cutie in
> my mind's eye ;-)You're not alone, especially with all that talk about dressing up! :-)
> I always thought a threesome would be fun too--but ONLY
> with strangers...Well... We're strangers, sorta. :-)
> would _never_ want to share my significant
> other...i'm too jealous...What is it with women and jealousy? Why can't women separate sex (and its pleasure) with love? They aren't the same.
> I also think it's like most fantasies...it's probably more fun
> of a fantasy than a reality.Yeah... probably. But hey, I'm willing to give it a try. :-)
After all, Gabbi's ex dumped her so he could boink a redhead. Do you really think it mattered that she was a redhead after the first couple of boinks? For that matter, Gabbi could have died her hair red and dressed up like a hooker and let him use her until he got it out of his system (would probably take only an hour or so).
>The mind can sometimes be hell...
That's what brought us together, dear! ;-)
> but then
> the mind can be so much fun too! I really do believe the biggest sex
> organ is between your ears.That's been known for years! It can also be the smallest sex organ, meaning a bad attitude can ruin any fun.
Ted
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 17:23:08
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted » Roo, posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 13:10:54
No fair, I turn my back for a couple of hours and Ted's attentions have already turned to another woman!
> Hi Roo,
>
> > (Smile)...and I picture Tabby to be such a cutie in
> > my mind's eye ;-)
>
> You're not alone, especially with all that talk about dressing up! :-)
Aw shucks, thanks guys. I've always thought Roo sounds like a cutie too.>
> Not necessarily. As long as you are neither aloof nor smothering nor possessive, it'll be fine.
>Well, sadly, I tend to flip between aloof and clingy. Still working on finding that middle ground. It's the whole, if I show interest and it's not reciprocated, I'm humiliated thing. Hence the aloofness. I really need to lose that. Learn to radiate desire without expectation
>
> > I always thought a threesome would be fun too--but ONLY
> > with strangers...
>
> Well... We're strangers, sorta. :-)Never had much interest in a threesome. Too much worry about ending up left out. But... concurrent affairs with a member of each gender, now that would be very nice.
>
> > would _never_ want to share my significant
> > other...i'm too jealous...
>
> What is it with women and jealousy? Why can't women separate sex (and its pleasure) with love? They aren't the same.Ted, Ted, Ted. Tell us how they're different. I really want to know how you guys do it (keep them separate I mean).
I think it's that male/female wiring difference again. I gripe to my therapist about this, since after all it's much easier to find a fling than a partner, but I just can't seem to have a fling--I always get attached, even if the guy is totally inappropriate as a real boyfriend. My therapist says, why would you want to separate your sexuality from your emotions? It's not healthy anyway. I love her for that, makes me feel proud of my female wiring. Then again, sure would be fun to switch it off now and then.
> >>anonymous quickies.
>
> > My married guy friend told me this same thing. I guess I need to hear it from a woman to believe it.
>
> So you don't believe anything a man says? So if your boyfriend whispers naughty, sexy compliments in your ear, you would look at him and say, "LIAR!"
>
> Geez. Gimme a break. :-)No, no, no, that's not what I meant. I mean a guy might see it as a quickie, but unbeknownst to him it could mean a lot more to a woman. For instance, back when I was much more of a naughty girl, I once went off with a guy after a party for sex on the beach. To him it was a quickie, but little did he know I'd had a huge crush on him, obsessing day and night, for an entire year beforehand. So his quickie was my culmination of great cosmic passion.
And I love compliments. Especially the whispered kind.
> >(Not that I'm not gorgeous, of course.)
>
> You're as gorgeous as you feel. Plus, some sexy lingerie, nail polish, lipstick, and a slinky dress go a long way. :-)
>I know, dudes dig lingerie. Am I alone in having a hard time feeling sexy wearing it? It's likely to make me compare myself to the catalog model, a decidedly un-sexy feeling. I'm much more comfortable with cute dresses and shoes, then you get points for style and not just perfectly proportioned flesh.
> >Then when the guy doesn't call...
>
> Phones work both ways, dear. Women can call men anytime, and women can ask men out on dates and ACTUALLY PAY FOR *THEM*! Amazing but true! And men actually *like* that! And they don't all see it as an invitation for sex!! Even more amazing!
>
> That's why *a lot* of shy but nice, single men die batchelors. It's *really* tough to ask women out, especially the first time. And to keep trying in the face of rejection... Uggh. Not fun, not fun at all. Now you understand Jay.Well, I appreciate how difficult it must be. I used to ask men out, but sadly, it didn't really work out too well. It just didn't feel romantic. I finally learned, if a guy doesn't ask me out after I've shown plenty of interest, then either he's not that interested, or he's too passive for me. At this point in my life I want to be courted.
>
> Perhaps an email address.... :-) Or a street address... :-) Or a phone number.... :-) Whoa, I better slow down here.
>Thanks Ted. So nice to be asked. :-) And you might just be able to find my email in the archives too.
>
> > but then
> > the mind can be so much fun too! I really do believe the biggest sex
> > organ is between your ears.
>
> That's been known for years! It can also be the smallest sex organ, meaning a bad attitude can ruin any fun.
>You're so right guys. So much of it is attitude. I think mine has been improved by all this flirting. Think I'll go out and radiate my loveliness to all those lovely flesh and blood humans out there. :-)
Posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 21:17:04
In reply to Re: Going hypo? Ted Roo, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 2, 2002, at 17:23:08
Hey Tabby,
> No fair, I turn my back for a couple of hours and Ted's attentions have already turned to another woman!
Well... YOU weren't here and Roo was. She sounded interested (and interesting) as well.
> Aw shucks, thanks guys. I've always thought Roo sounds like a cutie too.
My pleasure. *REALLY*. ;-)
> Well, sadly, I tend to flip between aloof and clingy.
Then we'll have to keep this purely physical, understand?
> Learn to radiate desire without expectation
Tabby, you sound yummier every day! :-)
> Never had much interest in a threesome. Too much worry about ending up left out.
Don't worry, *I* would never let that happen. :-)
>But... concurrent affairs with a member of each gender, now that would be very nice.
Ooohh! That sounds F-U-N! Can I watch? :-)
> > What is it with women and jealousy? Why can't women separate sex (and its pleasure) with love? They aren't the same.
>
> Ted, Ted, Ted. Tell us how they're different.Sex is done purely for pleasure, and not just for one's own. It is the giving and receiving of the most ultimately pleasurable experiences nature has created. It is done only for pleasure. For proof: would you have sex, with anyone, if you didn't get *any* pleasure whatsoever from it? I didn't think so.
Love is the caring for another person and accepting them as they are, not as you might like for them to be. It is also being accepted for all one's faults, kinky peculiarities, etc.
>I really want to know how you guys do it (keep them separate I mean).
We have sex because we enjoy it and we have someone we love. Simple as that. My wife doesn't understand how I wouldn't be jealous if she had sex with another man. My position is this: Do she love me? Am I the one with whom she wants to spend her life? If so, then it doesn't matter if she gets pleasure elsewhere occasionally. When I am no longer the one she loves, then there is a problem.
> I think it's that male/female wiring difference again. I gripe to my therapist about this, since after all it's much easier to find a fling than a partner...Really? When I was single, I didn't have one-night-stands. Either the women were total losers with whom I didn't want to waste my time or they were (at least potential) winners who I wanted to get to know better.
(Call me weird, but for me, women must have two characteristics: 1. they must be intelligent (I hate morons) and 2. they must be attractive; not fashionable or anything, just not coyote-ugly. If they fail test #1, then I don't bother with test #2.)
>My therapist says, why would you want to separate your sexuality from your emotions?
Because it make life easier. MUCH easier.
>It's not healthy anyway. I love her for that, makes me feel proud of my female wiring. Then again, sure would be fun to switch it off now and then.
Boy I'll say. :-)
> No, no, no, that's not what I meant. I mean a guy might see it as a quickie, but unbeknownst to him it could mean a lot more to a woman.
Beforehand, unless there has been some communication, one never knows if it is "just" a quickie. Afterwards, though, you have a chance:
Here's a test. For each YES, give yourself 1 point:
1. Did he go out of his way to make sure she was completely satisfied?
2. Did he hold her and kiss her afterwards?
3. Did he stay with her for a while, perhaps hours, afterwards?0-1 point: It was a quickie. Wham, bam, and thank you ma'am.
2-3 points: He is interested and caring. Not a quickie. He wants to see you again.>For instance, back when I was much more of a naughty girl
You mean you're not naughty now? Dang it! You keep coming up with these things at the worst times!
>I once went off with a guy after a party for sex on the beach. To him it was a quickie
Think back and do my test.
>but little did he know I'd had a huge crush on him, obsessing day and night, for an entire year beforehand.
No communication beforehand? Well, what did you expect of him? Any sex without communication is by definition a quickie.
>So his quickie was my culmination of great cosmic passion.
I'm sorry to say this, but I think the error was in your expectations. Now, had you communicated your expectations, you might have got more out of it.
If you could have separated sex from love (or infatuation), you could have enjoyed the quickie for what it was, and then pursued him further.
> And I love compliments. Especially the whispered kind.
Good! I might have to whisper some sometime. :-)
> > You're as gorgeous as you feel. Plus, some sexy lingerie, nail polish, lipstick, and a slinky dress go a long way. :-)
> I know, dudes dig lingerie.
Something funny I think I read here (maybe from Bobby?): "If love is blind, then why is sexy lingerie such big business?"
>Am I alone in having a hard time feeling sexy wearing it?
No. It takes getting used to, according to my wife. It is something you have to enjoy doing for your lover. First, it must be at least somewhat comfortable so you wont reject it. Second, you have to keep in your mind, "I have a little secret no one around me knows about until later, and then only my lover will know." And you have to feel OK dressing a little like a hooker. Remember, hookers stole it from good girls, not the other way around. But you needn't advertise like a hooker. Sometimes getting dressed up make my wife hornier than her being dressed up makes me.
>It's likely to make me compare myself to the catalog model, a decidedly un-sexy feeling.
That's a mistake. My wife is a size 18-20 and she is still sexier than probably 80% of women I know and see. It is all in your attitude. Sure she isn't as attractive as the VS girls, but so what. She is *sexy* and she is *mine*. :-)
> I'm much more comfortable with cute dresses and shoes, then you get points for style and not just perfectly proportioned flesh.
Good start. Now I could give you some tips on how to proceed, but in this public forum, I don't want to get Niki, Roo, or Dinah all upset or Bobby, Jay, Phil, or Greg (or Dr. Bob) all excited. :-)
> Well, I appreciate how difficult it must be. I used to ask men out, but sadly, it didn't really work out too well. It just didn't feel romantic.
Huh? Maybe it's just me, but that Lauren Bacall thing about a woman being interested in me.... Before I was married, on the few times when *I* was asked out, I found it a wonderful ego boost to know that an intelligent, attractive woman who could have anyone she wanted willingly chose me to spend her time with.
>I finally learned, if a guy doesn't ask me out after I've shown plenty of interest, then either he's not that interested, or he's too passive for me.
Well, that's certainly true, and it works both ways. But once he has shown some interest, have you tried it? Well?
>At this point in my life I want to be courted.
I'm trying my hardest. :-)
>And you might just be able to find my email in the archives too.
I'll start looking right away :-)
>So much of it is attitude. I think mine has been improved by all this flirting.
Good for you! I have enjoyed it tremendously.
>Think I'll go out and radiate my loveliness to all those lovely flesh and blood humans out there. :-)
Great! Just don't flash them too much -- you might get yourself in trouble. :-)
Ted
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 3, 2002, at 0:22:08
In reply to Tabby is on the prowl! » ~~tabitha~~, posted by Ted on September 2, 2002, at 21:17:04
>
> > Well, sadly, I tend to flip between aloof and clingy.
>
> Then we'll have to keep this purely physical, understand?Ouch! Tabitha suddenly feels a lot less flirty :(
>
> >But... concurrent affairs with a member of each gender, now that would be very nice.
>
> Ooohh! That sounds F-U-N! Can I watch? :-)
I think then it would be considered a threesome, wouldn't it?
>
> Sex is done purely for pleasure, and not just for one's own. It is the giving and receiving of the most ultimately pleasurable experiences nature has created. It is done only for pleasure. For proof: would you have sex, with anyone, if you didn't get *any* pleasure whatsoever from it?
I have to say, Ted, no offense intended, honest, but only a man could say this. If a woman is not assertive, and dates men who don't particularly cherish her, I guarantee there will be plenty of very non-pleasureable sex in her life. When I think pure physical pleasure, I think battery-operated devices.
>
> We have sex because we enjoy it and we have someone we love. Simple as that. My wife doesn't understand how I wouldn't be jealous if she had sex with another man. My position is this: Do she love me? Am I the one with whom she wants to spend her life? If so, then it doesn't matter if she gets pleasure elsewhere occasionally. When I am no longer the one she loves, then there is a problem.Hmm, I'm gonna have to be a little skeptical of this. If your wife really did have an affair, all of her own, not something for your entertainment, you'd really be OK with it?
>
>
> > I think it's that male/female wiring difference again. I gripe to my therapist about this, since after all it's much easier to find a fling than a partner...
>
> Really? When I was single, I didn't have one-night-stands. Either the women were total losers with whom I didn't want to waste my time or they were (at least potential) winners who I wanted to get to know better.
Well, trust me, it's easier to find "just sex" than a real partner. Ever listen to Liz Phair? There's a good song about this topic.>
> (Call me weird, but for me, women must have two characteristics: 1. they must be intelligent (I hate morons) and 2. they must be attractive; not fashionable or anything, just not coyote-ugly. If they fail test #1, then I don't bother with test #2.)Why do you think this is weird? Lots of guys like smart women. Lots of people have strange taste in looks too. The young lovelies get the most quantity of attention though.
>
> >My therapist says, why would you want to separate your sexuality from your emotions?
>
> Because it make life easier. MUCH easier.
Yeah, I tell her that. Somehow she thinks personality integration is a better goal for me than getting more sex.
> >So his quickie was my culmination of great cosmic passion.
>
> I'm sorry to say this, but I think the error was in your expectations. Now, had you communicated your expectations, you might have got more out of it.
>Oh I know it was completely foolish-- that was back when I was young and ignorant and believed that sex would make a man get attached to me. If I had communicated my expectations I"m sure he would have run the other way! But my point was, the man might come away from it convinced that there are plenty of women out there who want uncomplicated sex. I didn't, it just looked that way to him.
Another example, I knew an unfortunate young woman who dated several men at one company and got a reputation as the office slut. Then men assumed she was just sex-hungry, but I saw her as seeking validation. That place was terribly anti-woman, and the only possible validation a woman could get was sexual. She was a normal nice young woman when she started there, then gradually transformed. Poor thing got rejected by one guy after another, of course, because nobody wants to be the boyfriend of the office slut, though everybody wanted to go out with her once or twice.
>
> Beforehand, unless there has been some communication, one never knows if it is "just" a quickie. Afterwards, though, you have a chance:
>
> Here's a test. For each YES, give yourself 1 point:
>
> 1. Did he go out of his way to make sure she was completely satisfied?
> 2. Did he hold her and kiss her afterwards?
> 3. Did he stay with her for a while, perhaps hours, afterwards?
>
> 0-1 point: It was a quickie. Wham, bam, and thank you ma'am.
> 2-3 points: He is interested and caring. Not a quickie. He wants to see you again.OK Ted, I think you've just made my point. If the sign of a quickie is the man making little effort to satisfy the woman, then why on earth would lots of women want this???
> No. It takes getting used to, according to my wife. It is something you have to enjoy doing for your lover. First, it must be at least somewhat comfortable so you wont reject it. Second, you have to keep in your mind, "I have a little secret no one around me knows about until later, and then only my lover will know."
Don't give me ideas about little daytime secrets. See previous posts about inappropriate lust for young coworker. Maybe I should start wearing big granny panties, a la Bridget Jones.
>But you needn't advertise like a hooker.You mean I shouldn't ask guys if they want to see my thong? Dang, no wonder I don't have a boyfriend.
> That's a mistake. My wife is a size 18-20 and she is still sexier than probably 80% of women I know and see. It is all in your attitude. Sure she isn't as attractive as the VS girls, but so what. She is *sexy* and she is *mine*. :-)
Nice for her. But, um, Ted, how does she feel about all this extra-marital flirting?
>
> > I'm much more comfortable with cute dresses and shoes, then you get points for style and not just perfectly proportioned flesh.
>
> Good start. Now I could give you some tips on how to proceed, but in this public forum, I don't want to get Niki, Roo, or Dinah all upset or Bobby, Jay, Phil, or Greg (or Dr. Bob) all excited. :-)Phil! OMG! I forgot about Phil! Now I've probably ruined my chances with him :(
>
> >I finally learned, if a guy doesn't ask me out after I've shown plenty of interest, then either he's not that interested, or he's too passive for me.
>
> Well, that's certainly true, and it works both ways. But once he has shown some interest, have you tried it? Well?Yes I have. Once a guy asked me out a couple times, sort of a "let's go out sometime" thing, and I said yes. Then he never followed up. I was totally smitten, so I decided what the heck, I'd push it. I said, "do you still want to have lunch? Well how about this Friday?" We had lunch and he never asked me out again. That's been pretty much the result every time I"ve asked a man out. I've just come to believe, like that stupid book _The Rules_ says, if he doesn't ask you out, he's not that interested. Period.
>
> >Think I'll go out and radiate my loveliness to all those lovely flesh and blood humans out there. :-)
>
> Great! Just don't flash them too much -- you might get yourself in trouble. :-)
Um, I just meant like actually relax and make eye contact instead of my usual shy scurrying about. Baby steps, Ted, baby steps. :)
Posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 3, 2002, at 6:22:11
In reply to Re: Shhh!, posted by ~~tabitha~~ on September 3, 2002, at 0:22:08
So, since you have so many thoughts on the difference between sex and love, I must ask...
When I was young and foolish (OK up til about 37) I honestly believed that giving men sex would make them get attached to me and fall in love. I believed this since sex made me get attached and fall in love, and I hadn't cottoned to the whole different wiring of the sexes. This naturally made for lots of heartbreak, and lots of unsatisfying sex. I finally accepted that sex does not make men fall in love. But I still don't know, what *does* make men fall in love?
Your thoughts?
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