![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
I am going through a tough time right now. My fibromyalgia symptoms have been getting steadily worse the past month or two, despite my efforts at exercise and all the other treatments that have worked for me in the past, and I feel increasingly impaired physically and mentally. Now I am starting to feel depressed as well, and whether this is caused by the FM or just another symptom is pretty arbitrary and probably irrelevant. I am already on A/D meds, which helps buffer moodswings, but despite them I spend more time every day with depressed thoughts. For various reasons, my family is not able to help much with this right now. It would burden the kids right now, who, although they are loving and supportive, tend to worry about me and are making headway recently on their own issues so I dont want to add another, adult one. My DH and I have hit a bit of a rough patch, which hasnt helped. I think he would like to help but just can't right now. Friends currently have their own problems, economic and healthwise. I am usually more depression-resistant but the FM is driving this more and my usual support system isn't in place. Bad timing. I know Ill get through this sooner or later but of course depression always seems to make things look bleaker.
So not surprisingly, my relationship with my T has intensified, at least from my end. He knows that Ive been struggling with FM. I was able to tell him this week that right now I felt that I needed him more now, and wanted to feel more like I did when I was younger in therapy but felt that I was too old for these feelings. He reassured me that he knew I had been working hard for some time to be able to take care of many of my own needs, but that if I cant, I cant, and that he is there for me. I know he will take my phone calls, give me extra sessions as needed, and be caring and supportive. But the problem is that the deep, insatiable need for him has reappeared, along with the old feelings I struggled with so painfully for years, I really just don't want to return there. I know that the more I get from him, the more Im going to want what he cant give. I want him to cuddle me, and hug me, and comfort me, tell me its all right, and take the pain away with his magical, loving touch. I dont want to talk about these feelings in therapy because I know I will feel worse then when I leave the session and leave my Caring Other behind.
Not sure what Im expecting by posting this either, but thanks for listening.
Lucie
Posted by Phillipa on October 11, 2008, at 12:29:15
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Support and a listening ear? I seriously relate except the T as I don't have one. Phillipa
Posted by JayMac on October 11, 2008, at 14:14:00
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Lucie,
Although I don't know what it's like to have FM, I do know what it's like to depressed, needy, and somewhat helpless. I can feel your need to (re)connect with both your husband and your T as well as your overall support system. It sounds to me like you don't want to a burden on your husband, or on anyone else. I wonder what it would be like for you to tell him what you need? I'm also curious if you are feeling more intensity with your T because you don't feel you are getting your emotional needs (comfort, cuddling, hugging, etc) met by your DH (and that maybe a completely different topic)?I can hear in your email that do not want to return to those "old feelings" with your T. But let me remind you of something: you are going through an especially difficult time, where I think it's okay to be feeling especially needy. Needy of your children, husband, friends, T, and other support. I truly know how it feels to need my T so bad that I want to cry out her name and have her come running to me. It's such a tough spot.
What would it be like for you to take up your T on his offer to give you extra support? Talking about these things with him may make you feel worse, but I know you are strong enough to keep holding on and push through. In my opinion (and from some of my own experience), speaking of such details with your T furthers your relationship, deepens your connection. Let yourself experience his warmth over and over and over again.
Hugs, love, and peace to you my friend.
JayMac
Posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2008, at 16:51:18
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Lucie Lu, I'm glad your T is there for you during this rough patch. I think I know what you are talking about when you say you want therapy to be like how it was when you were a kid. I find myself wishng that too sometimes. Lately I have sort of stopped depending on therapy so much. Anyway, I'm also glad you recognize you will feel better. So true. ((((Lucie Lu))))
Posted by DAisym on October 11, 2008, at 17:39:53
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2008, at 16:51:18
Is there some big anniversary coming up or just past that might be triggering these feelings? I think the transition to Fall is often hard - almost like we have to let go of summer and get back to work in the "real" world. I'm sure all the bad news and state of the economy aren't helping.
I'm sure you may have already looked at some of these things but...
Perhaps adding in 10 minutes more of stretching or outdoor exercise each day would help. Walking outside allows you to get fresh air and the sunlight that is so important to ward off depression.
Are you eating less fruit and veggies because the seasons are changing? Or do you have Halloween candy around already? I'm surprised by the role that sugar can play with our mental health.
And it sounds like you might be a bit lonely right now too - kids busy, hubby grumpy, friends overwhelmed. Is there any play time built into your week? Having a good girlfriend is really important - even if you aren't venting, I think women need women to feel whole.
My other thought was how about letting yourself really need your therapist as much as you need him for the next month? Perhaps if you give yourself permission, and a time limit, you can relax around it a little bit. Think of it as an experiment.
I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 11, 2008, at 18:48:58
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
(((LL))) I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. Fibromyalgia sounds terribly unpleasant. Health problems can be such a burden and make one feel helpless. I think this could well be a factor in your depression. Plus the added helplessness you feel in regard to your DH, friends and family. You need their support but you feel you can't ask for it - perhaps you are supporting those around you when really you don't have the energy to?
What you said to me the other day helped me a lot - I don't think you should be afraid to call on others for support and understanding - you clearly are a person who goes out of her way to support others. I don't think you should feel bad about needing more from your T - why not let him support you as much as you need to help get you through this period? Be kind to yourself.
You talk of a deep, insatiable need to be held, cuddled by your T. I know this feeling - I know this pain - this is something I experience intensely with my T. He won't physically hold me. He used the imagery once of him as a life-buoy that I held onto and said I could hold on as long as I needed to. I liked this image, the idea that he is stopping me from sinking - he's just making sure my head stays above the water. It made my neediness seem more reasonable, understandable to me - it made me feel less uncomfortable/ashamed about leaning on him.
I really hope you begin to feel better again before long - in the mean time, please don't be afraid to get the help you need from your T. He sounds like a great T btw.
Witti
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 21:43:36
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days » lucie lu, posted by Phillipa on October 11, 2008, at 12:29:15
> Support and a listening ear? I seriously relate except the T as I don't have one. Phillipa
You're right, Phillipa! Thank you :)
Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:02:26
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by JayMac on October 11, 2008, at 14:14:00
> Lucie,
> Although I don't know what it's like to have FM, I do know what it's like to depressed, needy, and somewhat helpless. I can feel your need to (re)connect with both your husband and your T as well as your overall support system. It sounds to me like you don't want to a burden on your husband, or on anyone else. I wonder what it would be like for you to tell him what you need? I'm also curious if you are feeling more intensity with your T because you don't feel you are getting your emotional needs (comfort, cuddling, hugging, etc) met by your DH (and that maybe a completely different topic)?Oh Jay, your post made me cry. You are right, my DH and I are having problems, and I do feel I'm turning to my T to meet my emotional needs instead of my DH. It is a separate topic yet not unconnected, by any means. It does make me feel lonely, since I know my T can't meet those needs either.
> I can hear in your email that do not want to return to those "old feelings" with your T. But let me remind you of something: you are going through an especially difficult time, where I think it's okay to be feeling especially needy. Needy of your children, husband, friends, T, and other support. I truly know how it feels to need my T so bad that I want to cry out her name and have her come running to me. It's such a tough spot.
Thank you for reminding me that it is OK to feel needy. It is hard for me.
> What would it be like for you to take up your T on his offer to give you extra support? Talking about these things with him may make you feel worse, but I know you are strong enough to keep holding on and push through. In my opinion (and from some of my own experience), speaking of such details with your T furthers your relationship, deepens your connection. Let yourself experience his warmth over and over and over again.
Thank you for the vote of confidence :) I do feel less connected with my T when I am unable to tell him what I need, even when he cannot be the one to meet them.
> Hugs, love, and peace to you my friend.
> JayMacThank you so much, Jay!
Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:07:48
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 21:43:36
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:11:38
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by Angela2 on October 11, 2008, at 16:51:18
> Lucie Lu, I'm glad your T is there for you during this rough patch. I think I know what you are talking about when you say you want therapy to be like how it was when you were a kid. I find myself wishng that too sometimes. Lately I have sort of stopped depending on therapy so much. Anyway, I'm also glad you recognize you will feel better. So true. ((((Lucie Lu))))
Thank you for the support and hug, Angela. It means a lot to me.
Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:13:42
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:11:38
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:35:05
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by DAisym on October 11, 2008, at 17:39:53
> Is there some big anniversary coming up or just past that might be triggering these feelings? I think the transition to Fall is often hard - almost like we have to let go of summer and get back to work in the "real" world. I'm sure all the bad news and state of the economy aren't helping.
Actually, I hadn't been thinking about it as a factor in all this, but someone I have worked with closely for a number of years is leaving for another job. Her office will be empty, since there is a hiring freeze on. I have known about this for months but she's actually leaving this week. If I allowed myself to think about it, I would feel very, very sad. She was a work-friend but a good friend nonetheless. Our kids grew up together, lots of shared history at work and at home. It will be hard to continue the relationship since she is leaving the area. Thanks for bringing up the issue of timing. Obviously I really need to process her leaving, and I haven't yet.
> I'm sure you may have already looked at some of these things but...
>
> Perhaps adding in 10 minutes more of stretching or outdoor exercise each day would help. Walking outside allows you to get fresh air and the sunlight that is so important to ward off depression.A major part of my FM treatment is daily exercise, and I spend about an hour most days in the pool doing laps and exercises. But you are right, that doesn't get me in the daylight. I do have a tendency for SAD, so falls can be shaky for me, despite the beauty of the season. I should make a point to take midday breaks and get out in the sun for a short walk or something.
> Are you eating less fruit and veggies because the seasons are changing? Or do you have Halloween candy around already? I'm surprised by the role that sugar can play with our mental health.
Well, Halloween hasn't come yet ;) but I do try to eat healthy. In part because otherwise I gain wait from the meds I take. But I might sneak a couple of candy bars from the treat-or-treaters. You're right though about the sugar.
> And it sounds like you might be a bit lonely right now too - kids busy, hubby grumpy, friends overwhelmed. Is there any play time built into your week? Having a good girlfriend is really important - even if you aren't venting, I think women need women to feel whole.
So right again...
> My other thought was how about letting yourself really need your therapist as much as you need him for the next month? Perhaps if you give yourself permission, and a time limit, you can relax around it a little bit. Think of it as an experiment.
I would love to see him more often, but a problem right now is that my insurance coverage has run out for the year. And my T visits are a source of contention with my DH. But I can call him more often. He's always OK with that. He feels that my being able to ask him to call is a good thing for me to learn. I, on the other hand, find it very hard to ask, even though I know he won't refuse or be annoyed with me. So in this context, maybe it would be a good thing to work on again now.
> I hope you feel better soon.Thank you, Daisy, I always appreciate your thoughtful posts.
Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:48:27
In reply to ((((Lucie Lu)))) » lucie lu, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 11, 2008, at 18:48:58
> (((LL))) I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. Fibromyalgia sounds terribly unpleasant. Health problems can be such a burden and make one feel helpless. I think this could well be a factor in your depression. Plus the added helplessness you feel in regard to your DH, friends and family. You need their support but you feel you can't ask for it - perhaps you are supporting those around you when really you don't have the energy to?
Witti, you are so right about the correlation between helplessness and depression. I get so frustrated when my efforts don't get me anywhere with the FM. Usually I can get through a flare-up without this much trouble by doing things, like aerobic exercise, that work best for me. But I guess I do have a lot on my plate right now emotionally and it is taking a toll on me physically, independent of my efforts. And yes, it is distressing not to be able to rely on family and friends right now.
> What you said to me the other day helped me a lot - I don't think you should be afraid to call on others for support and understanding - you clearly are a person who goes out of her way to support others. I don't think you should feel bad about needing more from your T - why not let him support you as much as you need to help get you through this period? Be kind to yourself.
I'm glad you felt helped by what I said. Funny how we can give others good advice that we have trouble taking ourselves, isn't it?
> You talk of a deep, insatiable need to be held, cuddled by your T. I know this feeling - I know this pain - this is something I experience intensely with my T. He won't physically hold me. He used the imagery once of him as a life-buoy that I held onto and said I could hold on as long as I needed to. I liked this image, the idea that he is stopping me from sinking - he's just making sure my head stays above the water. It made my neediness seem more reasonable, understandable to me - it made me feel less uncomfortable/ashamed about leaning on him.
I like that imagery. Maybe because I swim, I appreciate water metaphors, and a psychological buoy is a good one.
> I really hope you begin to feel better again before long - in the mean time, please don't be afraid to get the help you need from your T. He sounds like a great T btw.
I feel you really understand, Witti, and thank you so much for your support and comforting words.
Lucie
>
>
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Posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:49:54
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 22:35:05
Posted by Nadezda on October 11, 2008, at 22:55:46
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
I haven't had FM, but I had a problem with chronic shoulder pain that lasted for quite a few years, until I very fortunately found a great physical therapist. Chronic pain is awfully hard to deal with. Especially when my shoulders ached a lot, and even normal activities would increase it, it ate away at my self-esteem, and feeling of freedom, and competence. Carrying my backpack, picking up anything, leaning forward a little in a chair-- so many things that most people don't notice doing would really hurt/ The sense of never being able to get away from the discomfort, and constantly trying to make it a little better, or fearing that I would move and make it worse-- or the days when it was so bad that I could't concentrate -- eroded my mood. I don't know if that's at all how FM affects you, but any sort of physical discomfort that goes on and on can really take away one's sense of competence and optimism. For me anyway, it added to the weight of depression.
I can imagine that it also can make you feel more isolated from people--no matter how sympathetic, I don't think other people realize what it's like to feel that way all the time-- and yet it's always with you. Under the circumstances, it's so understandable that you feel more needy of your Ts holding you and making it better, as a child can be made to feel better. And especially if you and your DH feel more stress or tension between you-- you must feel very deprived of the comfort and connection that you hope to find with him. Both of these together must be so hard to manage.
Is there anything that you can do to treat the FM? I think it you felt better physically, it might make a huge difference in your mood. It's much easier to get up every morning, when you don't know that that burden will be there.
I very much hope something happens soon, so that you can again feel your T's presence more connectedly-- and also lessen the physical pressure. I'm glad you that you this won't last forever. I know it won't, but also know it can feel as if it will,
Nadezda
Posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 0:05:23
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days » lucie lu, posted by Nadezda on October 11, 2008, at 22:55:46
> I haven't had FM, but I had a problem with chronic shoulder pain that lasted for quite a few years, until I very fortunately found a great physical therapist. Chronic pain is awfully hard to deal with. Especially when my shoulders ached a lot, and even normal activities would increase it, it ate away at my self-esteem, and feeling of freedom, and competence. Carrying my backpack, picking up anything, leaning forward a little in a chair-- so many things that most people don't notice doing would really hurt/ The sense of never being able to get away from the discomfort, and constantly trying to make it a little better, or fearing that I would move and make it worse-- or the days when it was so bad that I could't concentrate -- eroded my mood. I don't know if that's at all how FM affects you, but any sort of physical discomfort that goes on and on can really take away one's sense of competence and optimism. For me anyway, it added to the weight of depression.
>
> I can imagine that it also can make you feel more isolated from people--no matter how sympathetic, I don't think other people realize what it's like to feel that way all the time-- and yet it's always with you. Under the circumstances, it's so understandable that you feel more needy of your Ts holding you and making it better, as a child can be made to feel better. And especially if you and your DH feel more stress or tension between you-- you must feel very deprived of the comfort and connection that you hope to find with him. Both of these together must be so hard to manage.
>
> Is there anything that you can do to treat the FM? I think it you felt better physically, it might make a huge difference in your mood. It's much easier to get up every morning, when you don't know that that burden will be there.
>
> I very much hope something happens soon, so that you can again feel your T's presence more connectedly-- and also lessen the physical pressure. I'm glad you that you this won't last forever. I know it won't, but also know it can feel as if it will,Nadezda,
Thank you so much for writing and sharing your story. I feel exactly as you describe. Normally I'm a pretty active person, so when I'm having a bad bout of FM, as I have been, it does feel very confining and changes how I feel about myself. And you're absolutely right, it is isolating. It's not like you can keep saying "I feel really lousy" or "my leg really hurts" repeatedly to people you're with even if that's how you feel. And eventually, no matter how determined you are to beat it, the chronic nature of it does tend to get to you. It has given me a lot more understanding and compassion for people who have to live with worse conditions, like lupus or RA. At least FM doesn't actually damage joints or tissues.
I can't always reduce the stresses that are of a magnitude to trigger FM but, like you, I learned a lot about how to control symptoms with the help of an excellent physical therapist. She has done for me physically what my T has done for me psychologically. I am really so fortunate to have both of them. From working with my PT, I know that exercise and sleep are key for me in preventing and controlling flare-ups. I think it's just that this time, there is just too much going on in my life that is stressful, and that tends to prolong the flare-up.
And yes, when I feel like this physically, I *crave* being held physically and comforted. Physical touch is an incredible force for healing. Hopefully my DH and I will work through this rough patch soon, it would make a world of difference.
I hope your shoulder is healed now, Nadezda. That must have been really hard - you use your shoulders for everything, even just sitting and driving. Glad you have a good PT too.
Lucie
Posted by antigua3 on October 12, 2008, at 11:34:01
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days » Nadezda, posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 0:05:23
Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling so alone, and not feeling well either mentally or physically.
Have you tried Lyrica? Maybe you need a meds adjustment; you sound like you're extra depressed right now and you might need a boost.
I know that Daisy mentioned it, but search your mind for any anniversaries--I find that's very important, to try to find the trigger. It may be your friend leaving, but even so, what's behind that?
Again, I'm just so sorry that you're feeling badly now. Keep posting if you can! You have many friends here,
antigua
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 12, 2008, at 12:01:54
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by antigua3 on October 12, 2008, at 11:34:01
Lucie,
Just thinking of you this morning. After reading all of these smart posts for you and your thoughtful responses, I don't think I have anything new to add. (This community just totally impresses me.)Fall can be hard for me too - the impending early darkness in the evening weighs heavily on my sense of creativity. It's almost like part of me goes into hibernation.
I hope that you can embrace your need to need.
FMD
Posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 13:12:53
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by antigua3 on October 12, 2008, at 11:34:01
Thank you both for your sweet posts. I hope you don't mind my replying to you together but you both, directly or indirectly, raised the issue of timing, time of year, time of life. For as long as I can remember, fall has always been difficult for me mood-wise. November has always been the worst for me. I have searched and searched for something, some event that happened in the fall, some anniversary, and never found one. The only thing I'm aware of is what you mention, FMD, a sense that the world is dying as the year gets old. (Maybe it is my pagan ancestry.) I think it may just be the seasons resonating with a profound sense of loss and melancholy that I don't think therapy will ever get rid of, only help me to manage. I have had years ago hypomanic episodes in November, which in retrospect seemed like desperate efforts to forestall the inevitable, followed by a resounding crash in December. Perhaps the autumnal mood descent is all the more difficult for me because the season is so beautiful (I live in the Northeast) and seems so gay and playful, while my mood is going south and can't enjoy it. Then I perk up in the spring. I am also a lover of daylight, so Daisy's reminder to get some daily sun was a good suggestion. I recognize that what I'm describing is a pretty classic case of SAD, it's just that the mood meds have done a good job in recent years of keeping the SAD at bay. So no, I haven't tried lights yet but still might. I wonder if b2chica ever bought herself one, I should ask her.
As I write about these old feelings, I am also starting to wonder if these more recent feelings of sadness and impending loss have to do with current family issues - difficulties with my DH, the kids growing up, regrets. Or is it my mood that is bringing those things to my attention?
I think that this bout of FM has significantly stronger emotional overtones that previous flares have had, which may be why it has been so painful and hard to control. So I do think it is worth looking for the emotional roots, as long as it doesn't, short-term, make me feel more depressed. Even though we know it is better to express feelings in words, I think sometimes the body expresses what we just aren't able to verbalize yet. There was an earlier thread about this a month or two ago (onceupon? seldom? sorry for not remembering exactly who it was, but I do remember the discussion).
Antigua, thanks for mentioning Lyrica. It is the one FM med I have not tried, and just the other day I heard it worked well for the FM of a friend of a friend. Worth a try.
Again, thanks so much for your helpful thoughts and conforting words.
Lucie
Posted by rskontos on October 12, 2008, at 15:24:36
In reply to For Antigua and FMD - autumn mood issues, posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 13:12:53
Lucielu,
I don't have FMD, but I do have other physical issues that leave me unable to do more than sit on the couch these days. I am making more of an effort to exercise, well since I am recovery from dang in-laws and surgery, so I feel somewhat better. This has been on-going for years so I hear you.
I too get depressed or just down maybe this time of year. I used to leave Fall but not anymore. Maybe because DD goes to college. I don't know why just is.
I am trying like to get a handle on it but it is hard.
I just wanted to offer my support too.
Maybe it is time for Camp Comfort to open!
take care
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2008, at 18:28:53
In reply to For Antigua and FMD - autumn mood issues, posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 13:12:53
Luci lu might want to post on meds board about lyrica and see what others say with fibromyalgia. Phillipa
Posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 19:40:44
In reply to Re: For Antigua and FMD - autumn mood issues » lucie lu, posted by Phillipa on October 12, 2008, at 18:28:53
> Luci lu might want to post on meds board about lyrica and see what others say with fibromyalgia. Phillipa
Thanks, Phillipa, that's a very good suggestion.
Lucie
Posted by turtle on October 12, 2008, at 20:04:31
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Lucie,
I'm sorry that you are feeling so low and in need of a hug. It sounds like you are really struggling right now.
It struck me as I read your post how alone you feel. You listed out all of your usual supports and the reasons that they could not be there for you right now. You are feeling the full weight of your situation, and you don't feel right putting that burden on any of those supports (DH, kids, friends, allowing need for your therapist).
Not that long ago you said something very profound in one of your posts. You were explaining to Angela that when you were learning how to make friends you found that you could connect with each person in one unique way and have your true self seen a little bit at a time. To meet that goal you practiced truly hearing what the other person was saying. That was very good advice, and although I wasnt part of that thread, your words are also helping me. (I love how you described this!)
Can you come back to this truth that you discovered and apply it here? No single leg of your support system can bear all of what you are struggling with, but you do have supports. (Babble for one!) Instead of practicing listening (being there for the other person) remember to practice sharing yourself (the needy part of you) a little bit at a time. Turn to your kids for an extra snuggle or just spend some time with them in whatever way you can find comfort in the moment. That's not a burden on them. Maybe you are not feeling totally connected with your husband, but is there one extra thing he can do for you? Anything? Your friends are struggling with money and health, maybe they would appreciate a distraction that would also help you? Can you allow your therapist to be there for you? Try not to think of yourself as too much of a burden for any one person, and instead connect with each in the little ways they can support you the best. Maybe you can find what you need "in bits at a time," as you so wisely said.
Your description of feeling too old in therapy for the needs you felt when you were "younger in therapy" made me smile. It's a very curious concept that I hadn't thought about before. I feel a little awkward myself right now for trying to learn at 40 some very basic concepts that many learn when they are young. I was a little shocked a few weeks ago when I actually felt like a child and was giggling during a session. Feeling regressed in session is for real! (I was taking the first daring attempt at talking about my needs, and explained that I was in full run-away mode. She explained a bit about how the needs come from a younger part of ourselves, from a time when we were nothing but vulnerable, and that they are from a place of innocence that makes people want to reach out and care for us. She asked, could I accept these younger needs with open arms and have compassion for msyelf? I had a very hilarious image of the back of a cartoon man running/bouncing away from me with wide open arms flapping away and couldn't help giggling.) But I suspect you weren't talking about real life age, or the concept of regression in therapy, but a sense of maturity in the therapy relationship that you've earned through hard work and time. You've been through that pain and now in all fairness should be exempt. You've grown past the stage I'm in right now, where I'm just beginning to try to allow myself to form the bond for the first time and let this storm of emotions break free. My therapist is working with me to accept my needs and to allow comfort for the younger side hidden in me. I'm not quite convinced yet to allow it. (I say this as if I have control and a choice in the matter!) It is very interesting to me that accepting comfort for the younger and vulnerable side of ourselves continues to be a painful struggle even as we progress through the stages of therapy-maturity. I hope you allow yourself to slide back to a younger age and allow help and support for yourself, whatever the source may be.
Lucie, your posts always give me much to think about. Thank for you for that.
Turtle
Posted by workinprogress on October 12, 2008, at 23:01:41
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Lucie-
I am sorry for your pain. Combining physical pain with emotionally challenging times (your husband) is extra trying. You seem like the type that is very good at being supportive... understanding and being fine with other people needing support. Sort of maybe, that it's ok for everyone to need except maybe you.
You're frankly the poster I've gotten the most insight from. You are always so good at empathizing, at not judging, and at being thoughtful and tender. Please be tender with yourself. And know that it's ok to need. Everybody has needs.
It's scary... yes. But to rely on and need your therapist, can be oh so rewarding.
This is what you said to me the other day:
"I'm glad you are allowing yourself to feel good about loving and accepting love from your T. It is a powerful force in therapy and has great potential for healing and growth."
And you are so right. It has been the catalyst for my healing. It sounds like it has been for you in the past. But it is hard and scary. Though, I'd venture to guess less hard and less scary as you've built and deepened your relationship with your therapist.
After all... your long relationship and hard work is for a reason. Maybe it is the ability to need and rely on him that is the fruit of your labors. Maybe it won't be as hard now, because you trust him more...
Take care... be kind to yourself. You deserve all that you put out to the world...
> I am going through a tough time right now. My fibromyalgia symptoms have been getting steadily worse the past month or two, despite my efforts at exercise and all the other treatments that have worked for me in the past, and I feel increasingly impaired physically and mentally. Now I am starting to feel depressed as well, and whether this is caused by the FM or just another symptom is pretty arbitrary and probably irrelevant. I am already on A/D meds, which helps buffer moodswings, but despite them I spend more time every day with depressed thoughts. For various reasons, my family is not able to help much with this right now. It would burden the kids right now, who, although they are loving and supportive, tend to worry about me and are making headway recently on their own issues so I dont want to add another, adult one. My DH and I have hit a bit of a rough patch, which hasnt helped. I think he would like to help but just can't right now. Friends currently have their own problems, economic and healthwise. I am usually more depression-resistant but the FM is driving this more and my usual support system isn't in place. Bad timing. I know Ill get through this sooner or later but of course depression always seems to make things look bleaker.
>
> So not surprisingly, my relationship with my T has intensified, at least from my end. He knows that Ive been struggling with FM. I was able to tell him this week that right now I felt that I needed him more now, and wanted to feel more like I did when I was younger in therapy but felt that I was too old for these feelings. He reassured me that he knew I had been working hard for some time to be able to take care of many of my own needs, but that if I cant, I cant, and that he is there for me. I know he will take my phone calls, give me extra sessions as needed, and be caring and supportive. But the problem is that the deep, insatiable need for him has reappeared, along with the old feelings I struggled with so painfully for years, I really just don't want to return there. I know that the more I get from him, the more Im going to want what he cant give. I want him to cuddle me, and hug me, and comfort me, tell me its all right, and take the pain away with his magical, loving touch. I dont want to talk about these feelings in therapy because I know I will feel worse then when I leave the session and leave my Caring Other behind.
>
> Not sure what Im expecting by posting this either, but thanks for listening.
>
> Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on October 14, 2008, at 15:24:52
In reply to Re: I'm feeling so down these days, posted by workinprogress on October 12, 2008, at 23:01:41
Workinprogress,
Yours was a really sweet post and much appreciated! It makes me happy to know that you have found my posts helpful (and now you are returning the favor :)
You know, even though I do feel that I have a close and caring relationship with my T, the ability to ask him or anyone for help does not come easily to me. I guess that particularly in that area, I too remain very much a work in progress...
Thanks for writing,
Lucie
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