Posted by turtle on October 12, 2008, at 20:04:31
In reply to I'm feeling so down these days, posted by lucie lu on October 11, 2008, at 11:48:47
Lucie,
I'm sorry that you are feeling so low and in need of a hug. It sounds like you are really struggling right now.
It struck me as I read your post how alone you feel. You listed out all of your usual supports and the reasons that they could not be there for you right now. You are feeling the full weight of your situation, and you don't feel right putting that burden on any of those supports (DH, kids, friends, allowing need for your therapist).
Not that long ago you said something very profound in one of your posts. You were explaining to Angela that when you were learning how to make friends you found that you could connect with each person in one unique way and have your true self seen a little bit at a time. To meet that goal you practiced truly hearing what the other person was saying. That was very good advice, and although I wasnt part of that thread, your words are also helping me. (I love how you described this!)
Can you come back to this truth that you discovered and apply it here? No single leg of your support system can bear all of what you are struggling with, but you do have supports. (Babble for one!) Instead of practicing listening (being there for the other person) remember to practice sharing yourself (the needy part of you) a little bit at a time. Turn to your kids for an extra snuggle or just spend some time with them in whatever way you can find comfort in the moment. That's not a burden on them. Maybe you are not feeling totally connected with your husband, but is there one extra thing he can do for you? Anything? Your friends are struggling with money and health, maybe they would appreciate a distraction that would also help you? Can you allow your therapist to be there for you? Try not to think of yourself as too much of a burden for any one person, and instead connect with each in the little ways they can support you the best. Maybe you can find what you need "in bits at a time," as you so wisely said.
Your description of feeling too old in therapy for the needs you felt when you were "younger in therapy" made me smile. It's a very curious concept that I hadn't thought about before. I feel a little awkward myself right now for trying to learn at 40 some very basic concepts that many learn when they are young. I was a little shocked a few weeks ago when I actually felt like a child and was giggling during a session. Feeling regressed in session is for real! (I was taking the first daring attempt at talking about my needs, and explained that I was in full run-away mode. She explained a bit about how the needs come from a younger part of ourselves, from a time when we were nothing but vulnerable, and that they are from a place of innocence that makes people want to reach out and care for us. She asked, could I accept these younger needs with open arms and have compassion for msyelf? I had a very hilarious image of the back of a cartoon man running/bouncing away from me with wide open arms flapping away and couldn't help giggling.) But I suspect you weren't talking about real life age, or the concept of regression in therapy, but a sense of maturity in the therapy relationship that you've earned through hard work and time. You've been through that pain and now in all fairness should be exempt. You've grown past the stage I'm in right now, where I'm just beginning to try to allow myself to form the bond for the first time and let this storm of emotions break free. My therapist is working with me to accept my needs and to allow comfort for the younger side hidden in me. I'm not quite convinced yet to allow it. (I say this as if I have control and a choice in the matter!) It is very interesting to me that accepting comfort for the younger and vulnerable side of ourselves continues to be a painful struggle even as we progress through the stages of therapy-maturity. I hope you allow yourself to slide back to a younger age and allow help and support for yourself, whatever the source may be.
Lucie, your posts always give me much to think about. Thank for you for that.
Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:856911
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857129.html