![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 36. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 19:59:09
I am so so stressed, that Im not myself any more. Im pissing people off everywhere I go (I just open my mouth). Im also so worried about my health. Im worried about everything and everyone's health around me. I think sometimes things get to much that you could actually have a heart attack from pressure. My head is so sore and heavy and hurts so much that it feels like something is really wrong with me. Anyway Im just feeling really sad and alone and need to SCREAM! Sometimes all the flitting of my brain scares me, I cant slow things down to process and think and i dont feel up to being with people but I dont want to be alone. Im confueds
I cant take anymore pressure or anymore obnoxious people. I dont know what to do? Im really burnt out! Everything going on in my life is way too much for me right now.
Posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 20:01:35
In reply to Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 19:59:09
hi rainbowbrite,
I'm so sorry!!! (((((rainbowbrite))))I felt anxious to the point where I was non-functional, and Xanax/Lexapro helped me get climb back to normal by my fingernails.
Are you taking any meds? Have you talked with your doctor about this? Maybe he/she could recommend something that would help you.
take care,
JenStar
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 20:05:36
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » rainbowbrite, posted by Jen Star on June 25, 2005, at 20:01:35
>Are you taking any meds?
yes, an AD and Ive been taking ativan.
>Have you talked with your doctor about this?
yes, but apparently I dont look messed up so I must not be :-( I have tried to explain and I am getting really worried about it. Maybe next time I see my doc I will have ripped all my hair out and then maybe it will be apparent that something isnt right
>Maybe he/she could recommend something that would help you.
Doesnt understand.
Posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 20:21:35
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » Jen Star, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 20:05:36
Rain,
I really understand the concept of calm outside, screaming inside. I love the phrase, "duck on a pond" because it describes me so well. Calm on the surface, feet going a million miles an hour. You sound like this too.
You have to find a way to channel all this stress. Meds didn't do it for me, Ativan made me much worse. For awhile I would bake -- beating eggs and sifting flour was a good outlet. Besides people left me pretty much alone in the kitchen but I wasn't completely isolated. I read A LOT. But I have to read stuff that I can stay with. I used to read anything and everything. There was a period of time when I couldn't stay with anything at all. So I started reading psych books or books about depression. It kept my mind engaged and and helped me with my own issues.
Sometimes I think the stress I'm under is actually tangible. There are enormous things going on and I feel caught in a tidal wave of live fear. You know, that fear that makes your hands go cold, your gut twist, your mouth go dry and the hair on the back of your neck stands up. The pain in my chest is huge and heavy. For a few weeks I worried there was something physically wrong with me because it physically hurt so much. I finally realized it was the anxiety. Some of it was really old, I was feeling what I suspect I always felt back then. But the real stressors were there too, so I couldn't just dismiss this, or package it up to wait for therapy sessions. Knowing what you are talking about, I would guess this is true for you too.
I can't change the stress I'm under. I'm stuck with it for now. I'm guessing you are too. So you have to find a way to distract from it, or it will do you in. I'm not that good at it, itis really hard. And you don't have to be nice to people, you can be quiet. Sometimes loud music helps me and it makes it impossible for people to talk to me. I've heard other people exercise until they are exhausted so they can sleep.
In extreme times, I have less healthy ways to release the stress. So I'm trying to tell you that you should aim to let off a little steam now, before you reach this point.
I wish I could be there to actually help you. I hope I haven't put words in your mouth here. I'm worried about you. Please keep posting.
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 23:58:59
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » rainbowbrite, posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 20:21:35
> I really understand the concept of calm outside, screaming inside. I love the phrase, "duck on a pond" because it describes me so well. Calm on the surface, feet going a million miles an hour. You sound like this too.Yeah thats how im feeling right now :-(
> You have to find a way to channel all this stress. Meds didn't do it for me, Ativan made me much worse. For awhile I would bake -- beating eggs and sifting flour was a good outlet. Besides people left me pretty much alone in the kitchen but I wasn't completely isolated. I read A LOT. But I have to read stuff that I can stay with. I used to read anything and everything. There was a period of time when I couldn't stay with anything at all. So I started reading psych books or books about depression. It kept my mind engaged and and helped me with my own issues.
Im so bad at finding things to do, I need to distract myself...I thought I was going to explode earlier and luckily someone ditracted me, but I think Im like you, meds dont seem to work or I dont want to take them.
> Sometimes I think the stress I'm under is actually tangible. There are enormous things going on and I feel caught in a tidal wave of live fear. You know, that fear that makes your hands go cold, your gut twist, your mouth go dry and the hair on the back of your neck stands up. The pain in my chest is huge and heavy. For a few weeks I worried there was something physically wrong with me because it physically hurt so much. I finally realized it was the anxiety. Some of it was really old, I was feeling what I suspect I always felt back then. But the real stressors were there too, so I couldn't just dismiss this, or package it up to wait for therapy sessions. Knowing what you are talking about, I would guess this is true for you too.
yes, I think this sounds simliar. The stressors or main stress is going to distroy me at some point I think. Its way too much for me and it only get progressvely worse. I have to find a way to manage it before it takes me down. But sometimes i think thier are stressors which can suck you dry and leave you feeling lifeless. Ive been at that point for a few days. Im feeling really medicated right now, which I hate but it is slowing my head down so thats good. Im waiting on potentially horrible news so Im trying to just deal and not worry as much about it.
>> I can't change the stress I'm under. I'm stuck with it for now. I'm guessing you are too. So you have to find a way to distract from it, or it will do you in. I'm not that good at it, itis really hard. And you don't have to be nice to people, you can be quiet. Sometimes loud music helps me and it makes it impossible for people to talk to me. I've heard other people exercise until they are exhausted so they can sleep.
I need to work on being quiet, I tend to blow easliy when Im feeling like this...Im not horrible just get short with people. I think excersising would be a great idea for me! I really should take it up.
> In extreme times, I have less healthy ways to release the stress. So I'm trying to tell you that you should aim to let off a little steam now, before you reach this point.
Im a little bit worried about the next few days and how I am feeling, I am hoping tha tI can get a handle on this and keep the lid on. All I want to do right now is shut down, turn-off and not deal with anything. Unfortunatly its not an option. Its so true that when its out of your control its the worst!
> I wish I could be there to actually help you. I hope I haven't put words in your mouth here. I'm worried about you. Please keep posting.you havent put words in my mouth, I need to find something to help with this because as of now all I do is make the situation worse.
Thank you!
Posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:13:42
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » daisym, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 23:58:59
I'm sorry things are getting overwhelming.
Getting quiet is a good idea, but not so easy.
How about yoga or pilates? Dance? Something with a physical component may help versus meditation or other mind-focused relation.
Take care,
gg
Posted by sleepygirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:23:26
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:13:42
I hope you impress strongly on your doctor that you are NOT feeling OK, even though you don't look like you're messed up, whatever that means. I say this because I have this horrible habit of screaming on the inside and not really letting my doctor know I need help, more help and quickly. I hope this is not the case with you, but just in case....
Take care,
sleepy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 0:27:43
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:13:42
I used to do yoga alot, I forgot about that. I may actually be able to get myself to do that.
Thanks
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 0:33:40
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by sleepygirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:23:26
messed up to me means so overwhelmed or depressed that your brain doesnt work properly. It just means that Im not myself and Im really fragmented in my thoughts becasue of the stress.
Yes, im having some difficulites with getting what Im feeling accross to my doctor. I thought when you 'lose' control (in otherwords arent behaving the same rational way as normal) and you cry and say I feel awful, I cant cope etc....that that might be giving the doctor a message....sigh...appparently not. I need to work on this...I think there is a problem there that I didnt realize was as bad as it is appearing.
thanks
Posted by partlycloudy on June 26, 2005, at 6:17:56
In reply to Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 19:59:09
Sorry you are having such a hard time, rain! Yoga would probably help to quiet your brain down. I find that when I'm doing poorly that I'm usually holding my breath (and clenching my fists, or wringing my hands like Aunty Em in the Wizard Of Oz). Phsyical acitivity really does release that tension we are storing up in our bodies when we're overly stressed.
On another thread I mentioned I have a "white noise" machine - I use it quite often to calm my thoughts. Instead of having the stereo or the tv on in the background, I put on a water-y noise or wind chimes, very softly. The machine was a good investment for me. They sell them at pharmacies these days.
I too don't like to increase my anti-anxiety medication because it makes me so thick-headed.
Let us know how you are doing today - and make an appointment maybe with your doctor to let him know you're not doing as well as you thought?
partlycloudy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 10:26:31
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » rainbowbrite, posted by partlycloudy on June 26, 2005, at 6:17:56
I find that when I'm doing poorly that I'm usually holding my breath (and clenching my fists, or wringing my hands like Aunty Em in the Wizard Of Oz). Phsyical acitivity really does release that tension we are storing up in our bodies when we're overly stressed.
that sounds like whats happening to my head....its so stiff and hurts so much it feels like Im having a stroke
>
> On another thread I mentioned I have a "white noise" machine - I use it quite often to calm my thoughts. Instead of having the stereo or the tv on in the background, I put on a water-y noise or wind chimes, very softly. The machine was a good investment for me. They sell them at pharmacies these days.I will check that out, i really want one, my friend had one, waves I think and I loved it.
> I too don't like to increase my anti-anxiety medication because it makes me so thick-headed.
Its awful, the scary thing is I rarely take it and it isnt prescribed for anxiety but for sleep. So the way I have been ingesting it for the last week is making me a little uncomfortable. Im taking more in the day than I would ever take on nights I have trouble sleeping...sigh.
> Let us know how you are doing today - and make an appointment maybe with your doctor to let him know you're not doing as well as you thought?
Im just having a hard time taking on more stress when I already have a ton of my own stress. Im waiting to hear bad news, unfortunatly it will be bad news even if the news back is good news :-( So Im extremely confused about that. Oh my doc is not getting it at all, ugh. Well not that there is anything he could do....besides tell me Im going nuts, he just downplays everything and tells me to remove myself from the situation....yeah right, its not that easy!
i think I have a knack for working myself up into a crazy frenzy when things are really intense and Ive successfully done that. BUT I know its understandable why Im so overwhelmed.
i'm ok, and i am trying to tell myslef it will be ok, and I wont lose it completely.
Thanks PC
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2005, at 10:47:00
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » partlycloudy, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 10:26:31
Is there any way to objectively reduce the stress inducers?
Finding ways to cope with extreme stress is what I do as well. But I don't think it's at all healthy for me. I wish I had the guts to change my life to reduce the stress that really isn't good for me.
Posted by partlycloudy on June 26, 2005, at 10:55:49
In reply to Re: Im really messed up » partlycloudy, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 10:26:31
...please don't think less of yourself if your doctor and you are not communicating well - it goes both ways. When I first started seeing my p-doc I would have to bring a list of current symptoms with me because I'd get so flustered and overwrought that I'd be sitting there grinning like a moron saying, "I'm much better, thanks!" when in fact the medication I'd taken was making me so confused I was driving and not knowing where I was! Eventually I became more comfortable talking to her inscrutableness and even tease her about it ("you're not going to tell me what you think, are you??"). We have a good relationship now and I'm at ease talking about any subject with her. I'm very lucky.
What it comes down to is if you don't feel your doctor is listening to you, or that you can't speak plainly with him, he not be the right doctor for you.
Sending calming and happier thoughts your way....
pc
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 11:28:11
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by sleepygirl on June 26, 2005, at 0:23:26
> I hope you impress strongly on your doctor that you are NOT feeling OK, even though you don't look like you're messed up, whatever that means. I say this because I have this horrible habit of screaming on the inside and not really letting my doctor know I need help, more help and quickly. I hope this is not the case with you, but just in case....
> Take care,
> sleepyThis happens to me too. I don't think as bad as what's going on with Rainbow, but I get really aggitated. Anyway, finally I couldn't take it anymore, and wrote my doc a very simple note, in really aggitated, colored fonts, on the computer, that told him how anxious/aggitated I was, and asked for help. He thought it was funny, and Rx'd something. I didn't have an appt, and couldn't get one, that's why I wrote the note.
Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 11:51:07
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 11:28:11
i like that idea Jazzy! I may just try it.
This is what I mean about my doc...Im 96% of the time in and out with everythings fine have a few laughs HAHAHA ......
But then if I go in and im not fine....its like, but you look fine? But Im not fine! do I have to scream? Ok so I will scream (or raise voice) so then I get a smile, and a silly remark...So I start trying harder.... no litsen to me grrr!!
At that point Im lost too and everyting becomes a joke. It my fault I know. I started it.Maybe this isnt a fair statement but I think it may be....If I went in to my pdoc and said Im feeling suicidal (BTW-I HAVENT EVER AND AND IT IS NOT AN ISSUE) He would comment back with...well if you are going to do it here please be clean about it.
When i feel great that would.... yes be funny haha...but that attitude is not funny when I feel like my head is abou to erupt. and no he has never said that but that would be the response I would expect if I did ever get to that point (which I WONT). Just trying to give an example....probably a bad onethanks guys for all the support....
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 11:56:55
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 11:51:07
Posted by sleepygirl on June 26, 2005, at 12:21:37
In reply to Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 19:59:09
that is an awesome idea. My mind sort of does go blank with that head nodding, yeah everything's just great, I'm certainly going insane but that's OK sort of thing...
Why in the world have I been doing that?!?!
I guess I'm too used to accepting from people that I'm over-reacting, what I feel isn't real, doesn't matter etc. YIKES!
WOW, now at least I can change that!!
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 12:27:27
In reply to in case bad choice of Example...sorry (nm), posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 11:56:55
what Im specifically going through, it was weird that it just popped up in my face...but anyway it says that whats going on in my life generally generates.....
"fear, denial, anger, guilt, disorganization, diffuse anxiety, an emtional rollar coaster, turning inward, withdrawing, a cheerful facade, forbidding entry from outsiders...."So maybe thats why my doc is so dissmissive about my feelings? Maybe it is all normal reactions and he doesnt want me to take it any other way? what do you guys think? or is it obvious and my head cant see that? Still doesnt really make me feel better about the interaction.
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 14:03:56
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 11:51:07
>
> But then if I go in and im not fine....its like, but you look fine? But Im not fine! do I have to scream?You shouldn't have to scream. He's a psychiatrist, he should be able to go with the flow where your moods are concerned. Can you tell him that you need him to listen and take you seriously, and not joke around?
>Ok so I will scream (or raise voice) so then I get a smile, and a silly remark...So I start trying harder.... no litsen to me grrr!!Oooo, this isn't good. No silly remarks when you're feeling bad, that is NOT helpful! Can you tell him that his comments aren't helpful, that it is difficult enough for you to tell him that you're not feeling well emotionally?
> At that point Im lost too and everyting becomes a joke. It my fault I know. I started it.
No, I don't agree. He should be able to listen to you, hear what it is that isn't right, and work with you. Doesn't matter what you did that makes you think his reaction is okay because "you started it". What do you mean by that anyway, what did you start?
>
> Maybe this isnt a fair statement but I think it may be....If I went in to my pdoc and said Im feeling suicidal (BTW-I HAVENT EVER AND AND IT IS NOT AN ISSUE) He would comment back with...well if you are going to do it here please be clean about it.Oooo, very bad. That's not at all funny if you think he might do that, even if you think it will never be an issue.
Awhile ago, my meds made me feel suicidal. I knew it was the meds because I'm not suicidal. Anyway, when we were talking about what was going on, in a very quiet, sensitive, caring voice he said, "were you suicidal?" OMGosh, for him to actually verbalize it made me feel that he would do what it took make things right. I was fine by then, but it made me realize I could tell him anything about the way I felt. Of course, being a p-doc, and not a therapist, we moved on quickly, but at least he picked up on, and acknowledged my feelings without me having to say the S word myself.I hope you can tell him how this is making you feel. Maybe print out your posts so he can read them, and maybe he'll get a clue.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 14:15:18
In reply to What do u think........I just read something about, posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 12:27:27
>
> So maybe thats why my doc is so dissmissive about my feelings?He shouldn't be dismissive rainbow. For any reason. He's your p-doc, you're paying him to help you feel better. Regardless of what you're going through is normal or not. If it is then he should tell you it's normal, and that you need to learn how to cope. I don't know, but what you've expressed here doesn't sounds normal, or at all comfortable, or something that can't be improved with his help. Sounds to me like you're totally overwhelmed, anxious, aggitated, stressed out, etc.....
Maybe he could change your AD, maybe change your anti-anxiety meds? Maybe if you can express it in writing, maybe that would get through to him? Then when you have him read it, maybe he'll see that he's not hearing how distressed you are, and how much you need his help. Just a thought.
Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 15:24:00
In reply to Re: Im really messed up (might trigger) » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 14:03:56
>Can you tell him that you need him to listen and take you seriously, and not joke around?
I have tried, i very stubborn and I really need to have people understand me, if I feel they arent I have to explain further...in those situations he'll cut meoff and say...why do you think I dont understand? So I explain and it goes no where! grrr Well maybe for that moment its ok but then the next time I have a problem same old same old.
> Oooo, this isn't good. No silly remarks when you're feeling bad, that is NOT helpful! Can you tell him that his comments aren't helpful, that it is difficult enough for you to tell him that you're not feeling well emotionally?
I have, I dont hold back tahts for sure, I think Ive even hurt his feelings before. It isnt helpful unless I am actually making a mountain out of a molehill BUT at times when I really need someone to calm me down and take me seriously it really IS NOT helpful.
> No, I don't agree. He should be able to listen to you, hear what it is that isn't right, and work with you. Doesn't matter what you did that makes you think his reaction is okay because "you started it". What do you mean by that anyway, what did you start?
I started the superficial relationship, he wasnt like this to begin with, it was all my joking around etc that got him going in the beginning. So maybe its HARD to read me? Thats a possibility, I think I maybe give off the wrong signs? I dont know but whatever I was doing last time was not working :-(
> Oooo, very bad. That's not at all funny if you think he might do that, even if you think it will never be an issue.
> Awhile ago, my meds made me feel suicidal. I knew it was the meds because I'm not suicidal. Anyway, when we were talking about what was going on, in a very quiet, sensitive, caring voice he said, "were you suicidal?" OMGosh, for him to actually verbalize it made me feel that he would do what it took make things right. I was fine by then, but it made me realize I could tell him anything about the way I felt. Of course, being a p-doc, and not a therapist, we moved on quickly, but at least he picked up on, and acknowledged my feelings without me having to say the S word myself.I think maybe if I was serious all the time then he would be more inclined to respond to my distress differnetly, Im not sure...but thats the way I would predict he would react.
> I hope you can tell him how this is making you feel. Maybe print out your posts so he can read them, and maybe he'll get a clue.I may do that, although I feel like I shouldnt have to, Im being crystal clear here it seems....well sort of, maybe Im a little confusing...
Thanks Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 15:30:53
In reply to Re: What do u think........I just read something about » rainbowbrite, posted by Jazzed on June 26, 2005, at 14:15:18
> He shouldn't be dismissive rainbow. For any reason. He's your p-doc, you're paying him to help you feel better. Regardless of what you're going through is normal or not. If it is then he should tell you it's normal, and that you need to learn how to cope. I don't know, but what you've expressed here doesn't sounds normal, or at all comfortable, or something that can't be improved with his help. Sounds to me like you're totally overwhelmed, anxious, aggitated, stressed out, etc.....
>yeah I am and i have more and more demands piling up aside from this issue and I feel like its too much and I want to close for the summer.
> Maybe he could change your AD, maybe change your anti-anxiety meds?
I think I need to raise my AD, I lowered it with out consulting with him. But i dont really take anxiety meds. I have things for sleep, and thats what he thinks I take them for...I dont have an anxiety disorder. But recently and actually on and off over the last few months I have had to take them as a calming agent during the day to treat my stress, which I am now understanding is anxiety of some kind, I guess anxiety because too much is going on.
>Maybe if you can express it in writing, maybe that would get through to him? Then when you have him read it, maybe he'll see that he's not hearing how distressed you are, and how much you need his help. Just a thought.
I may try that, I need to get my head clear very soon, it hurts and its frustrating, im ignoring everyone irl.
:-) thanks so much Jazzy
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 15:37:17
In reply to Another thought... » rainbowbrite, posted by partlycloudy on June 26, 2005, at 10:55:49
> ...please don't think less of yourself if your doctor and you are not communicating well - it goes both ways.
yeah thats true, I have been wondering what is going on...why am I not being listened to etc...its frustating
>When I first started seeing my p-doc I would have to bring a list of current symptoms with me because I'd get so flustered and overwrought that I'd be sitting there grinning like a moron saying, "I'm much better, thanks!" when in fact the medication I'd taken was making me so confused I was driving and not knowing where I was! Eventually I became more comfortable talking to her inscrutableness and even tease her about it ("you're not going to tell me what you think, are you??"). We have a good relationship now and I'm at ease talking about any subject with her. I'm very lucky.
>
awww im glad you worked it out, When I started it was soooo serious it drove me nuts and then I changed the dynamics a litle, and I have always thought i had a good relationship with mine too. It always felt good. But then now that I need him ..... hes not available to listen to me. i guess in part becasue of how I removed all seriousness.> What it comes down to is if you don't feel your doctor is listening to you, or that you can't speak plainly with him, he not be the right doctor for you.
yeah thats true :-(
> Sending calming and happier thoughts your way....
thanks so much!
Posted by Angela2 on June 26, 2005, at 19:06:45
In reply to Im really messed up, posted by rainbowbrite on June 25, 2005, at 19:59:09
Rainbowbrite, I wish you were feeling better. If Is this something you can talk to your therapist about? It sounds like you want to be with people, but being with people hurts. Maybe your t can help.
Maybe you don't have to be around people all the time, but do it just a little. Like going to the grocery store or the post office. There you can have social interactions that usually aren't unpleasant becuase you're in a professional atmosphere.
I apologize if anyone has already said what I said. I haven't read the rest of the posts yet
Take Care.
-A2
Posted by rainbowbrite on June 26, 2005, at 19:37:22
In reply to Re: Im really messed up, posted by Angela2 on June 26, 2005, at 19:06:45
Ok I am feeling much more clear headed now. Ive been reading pscyh stuff and I realize #1 its really hard for people to understand me when Im vague....I thought I learned that ages ago but it didnt sink in. #2 I need to chill out!! #3 I need to breath! #4 I am not going to have a breakdown! #5 I am not going to have a stroke.
#6 if the worst happens its ok and Ill deal with it however I can.
So basicly things out of my control and very serious have been going on in my life. My ability to comfortably cope and manage have been limited. Also, Im realizing how much my pdoc MUST start listening to me more! I oddly have been able to read my school stuff today despite how crazy my head felt. I seem to forget everything from psych classes so easliy :-) Im ok, and I just need to learn to deal a bit better with stress. I used to have alot of activities I did and I recently stopped doing them all at once, in the last little while I guess I have no idea where to channel stress when it hits me. Before it had a place to go I supose...i sweat it out or whatever...now I get blinded by whats happening and it gets really scary!
Thanks everyone you really helped me process everything and think, which was really really difficult for a few days...I hope I can stay calmer now.
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