![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4 to 28 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 9:54:10
In reply to Re: I am angry, please help, posted by Miller on December 11, 2002, at 9:34:52
Miller, if you are so upset about this that you are again considering suicide, you should *definitely* call him. In fact, try to schedule an emergency appointment for today. I don't know how other psychologists do things, but my therapist would do anything he could to see me under these circumstances.
Miller, some things were said to you over the Tina incident, and I am sooo sorry that they hurt you. But what you did wasn't so horrible. Even Dr. Bob realizes (if you'll remember his post) that there are two sides to the suicide issues regarding support. But naturally he wants his site to support the choice to live, hence the reason for the rule.
What you said wasn't meant with malice, and don't consider it a sign that you are unable to communicate with others. It resulted from the place where you were at the moment. The same place, really, that Tina was.
Please call your psychologist and tell him how afraid you are of what he will say tomorrow and how desperate you are. And please let him do what he needs to do to ensure your safety.
I care if you live. And I'm sure he does too. And there are plenty of others as well that do. Please don't cause us the pain that will result if you kill yourself.
Posted by mair on December 11, 2002, at 12:01:06
In reply to Re: I am angry, please help » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 9:54:10
Miller
From your description of what happened, I would actually be surprised if it was your therapist who tipped off the police. On the other hand, I agree wholeheartedly with Dinah, that you absolutely should discuss this with your therapist, and the sooner the better. You also need to be really honest about how awful you feel.
So much of what you've written sounds pretty familiar to me and to many others I'm sure. I frequently have a very difficult time opening up to my therapist although I like her very much, trust her, and have a pretty long history with her. Also, the more suicidal I feel, the less I like to talk about it. A poster on this Board once wrote that since the decision to take your own life is so momentous, it should never be made impulsively or quickly. Therefore I'm encouraged by your statement that you want to make sure it's really your only feasible alternative.
With regard to your feeling that you said the wrong things in your note to Tina, understand that if you are as depressed as your sound, your judgment is absolutely skewed. "Errors" that we make are totally magnified when we're depressed. When I'm feeling particularly awful, my depressed feelings have a real permanent feel and they seem to be totally reasonable. I have to force myself to recall 1) that depressed feelings are never a total constant, and 2) my self-perceptions are probably flawed regardless of how convincing they are. Nothing you did or said here merits the harsh judgment you're imposing on yourself.
Please do call your therapist and please keep posting here to we can keep up with you. We have, all of us, been on the receiving end of the valuable support offered here.
Mair
Posted by tina on December 11, 2002, at 14:05:49
In reply to Re: I am angry, please help, posted by mair on December 11, 2002, at 12:01:06
YOUR post to me was the only one I found supportive. All the others just added more guilt to my already guilt-ridden, shame-filled life.
So, I thank you for the support and a "plan B"
tina
Posted by Miller on December 11, 2002, at 16:20:58
In reply to Re: Miller, posted by tina on December 11, 2002, at 14:05:49
Guilt is some powerful shit. That is my problem too. If I hear the phrases "get over it" or "get past it" one more time...
If it was THAT easy to "get over" something don't people think we would?
As far as shame goes, I think that may run deeper than guilt. There are still things I have done that I can't/won't talk about. (Funny story: last time I went to tell my shrink about something I was ashamed of, I turned my chair so my back was facing him!! Anything not to have him looking at my face while I was talking about it.)
Someone once told me shame is within us because we have done something that went beyond our own personal belief system. That may be. I also get frustrated and pissed off when people say things like "What's the worst you could have done?" Like I would tell them after a comment like that. Yikes!!
I would never deny the right to make your own choice. I just want you to be able to see that the people on this board really care for you.
If you read my post on the Social board, I hope you really will try to take a look around to be sure suicide is your only option left.
I want you to find peace as much as I want peace for myself. If either one of us finds it, let's make a deal that we will share the answer with the other. It's not fair that they people who have survived and prospered after depression and being so hurt, leave and never tell the rest of us how to stop hurting.
Tina, if you want to talk privately, let me know and I will forward my email to you. I think we are in the same place (or at least the same general area) and maybe we could keep each other company through it.
-Miller
Posted by Ginjoint on December 12, 2002, at 7:24:37
In reply to I am angry, please help, posted by Miller on December 11, 2002, at 8:57:48
Hi Miller...
I don't think we've spoken before, but my name's Ginjoint, and I've been concerned about you. I haven't posted much lately because I've been in a pretty stinkin' awful place myself - pretty much the same neighborhood you're in. I am so sorry that you had to live through that nightmare of the cops at the door. That must have been absolutely terrifying, and frankly, I would be most pissed off too. I think your doc could have informed you that he was legally bound to call the police if he believed your life was in danger, but perhaps he thought that would antagonize you further.
I do think the police should have PAGED him, not simply left a message on a machine.
Basically, Dinah and Mair have said all the good stuff already (about both this and other issues) so I won't repeat everything, except...please let us know what happens, so we can muddle through this together.
Ginjoint
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 13:00:43
In reply to Yeah, what Dinah and Mair said! » Miller, posted by Ginjoint on December 12, 2002, at 7:24:37
Posted by Miller on December 12, 2002, at 13:51:28
In reply to Miller, How did your appointment go? (nm), posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 13:00:43
First of all, I want to thank everyone for listening to me and giving me advise. I appreciate it and really needed it.
I went to my appointment and was really sarcastic and mean at first. I find it very difficult to express anger. Anyway, He began by asking me how I was feeling. After I stared him down a while, I just flat-out asked him if he called the police. I think he was as surprised about them as I was. I also asked him why he never called back after the police left a message. He insists (I really think I believe him) that he never got the message and seemed very confused because the message was left at his house #. I think during the conversation he figured out why he didn;t get the message, but never admitted it to me. I left it alone. One of the things he said about it all which made me feel somewhat better was that I was telling him how I was freaking out when the cops told me I HAD to go to the Mental Health Clinic. He said he is sorry he wasn't gotten ahold of because he understands that I ended up with much more stress and anxiety over all of it. He knows I was at my breaking point earlier but had trust in me that I was getting my shit together. He said he would have done what he could to help me out or to meet me at the complex if the cops wouldn't have let it go.
As far as my suicidal feelings go, he and I are having our difficulties. I think he believes because he sees my life as improving and having potential, suicide shouldn't be an option. I am not convinced it works that way. He also thinks that because my self esteem is so low that I believe I am too bad (evil) to be fixed. At one point he said to me "I bet every bone in your body is wanting to scream 'I am bad and I believe when other people are negative about me'" I told him he is wrong and that my thoughts are "Why can't you (my psychologist) tell me HOW to stop the negative thoughts, habits, and reactions?!"
Anyway, since I didn't get a clear answer from him, I feel like I am in the same boat. I am very glad it wasn't him that called the police. I have enough trust issues without having to deal with something like that!!
Any ideas or opinions will be valued.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 13, 2002, at 10:42:49
In reply to Re: Update for all, posted by Miller on December 12, 2002, at 13:51:28
hi miller,
was taken in cuffs to the pward by the police last weekend:(
2nd admit in one month.
feel like i am going to hell-
i am trying to look up for the holidays-
never want to go back-
those damb nurses are more f*****than i am.
jyl
Posted by Miller on December 13, 2002, at 11:19:07
In reply to Re: Update for all » Miller, posted by justyourlaugh on December 13, 2002, at 10:42:49
You are so right about the nurses having more issues than all of us put together!!! I couldn't believe how rude and messed the nurse was. No compassion at all. They made me feel worse than the police did. (Hard to believe, huh?)
I have a million dollar idea! There should be a hotel-like place for someone who is mentally drained to be able to check in (voluntarily) and be pampered and have on-site couselors to talk to.
You said this was your second admit in a month. What's going on? Did you get taken away in cuffs the first time too?
Posted by Ginjoint on December 14, 2002, at 8:42:48
In reply to Re: Update for all, posted by Miller on December 12, 2002, at 13:51:28
Miller,
> After I stared him down a while, I just flat-out asked him if he called the police. I think he was as surprised about them as I was.
Then who did call the police?
>I also asked him why he never called back after think I believe him) that he never got the message and seemed very confused because the message was left at his house #. I think during the conversation he figured out why he didn;t get the message, but never admitted it to me. I left it alone.
Hmmmm...I might press on this just a little bit, only because you need to know if you can rely on him in an extreme situation such as this. But you certainly know him better than I do....if it's better to let it go this time, then skip it.
>He said he is sorry he wasn't gotten ahold of because he understands that I ended up with much more stress and anxiety over all of it.
I'm very glad to hear that he realizes the basic terror of the situation, Miller, and isn't trying to gloss that over in order to "clean up" a bad scene and make it just go away.
>I think he believes because he sees my life as improving and having potential, suicide shouldn't be an option. I am not convinced it works that way.
Suicide happens with people who outwardly are very "successful" -- as we know, it's the inner crap that matters. He oughta know that by now!
>I told him he is wrong and that my thoughts are "Why can't you (my psychologist) tell me HOW to stop the negative thoughts, habits, and reactions?!" Anyway, since I didn't get a clear answer from him, I feel like I am in the same boat.
Now you're asking hard questions! :) But do remember, he may be able to guide you a bit in the answer to that question, but ultimately, pdocs are just that - guides. Take from that what you will.
I hope things are going a little gentler for you now, Miller...keep us up to date.Ginjoint
Posted by daizy on December 14, 2002, at 11:33:18
In reply to Re: Update for all » justyourlaugh, posted by Miller on December 13, 2002, at 11:19:07
Ive had that Idea also, it would be ace!!
Posted by LB on December 15, 2002, at 2:00:09
In reply to I am angry, please help, posted by Miller on December 11, 2002, at 8:57:48
Dear Miller,
I'm really sorry it ended up like that...you're right that's not fair at all... The thing is I hope i don't sound like I'm trying to teach you anything but i just want to tell you what i know about psychologists. I believe that the policy is that EVERYTHING must remain between you and him/her however, if there is any chance of threat to oneself or another, i think they are obliged to break that confidentiality based on the law. I'm not positive about this but i think that's how it goes. Nonetheless, I think what's disturbing about the situation is that he didn't tell you he was going to do anything about it before calling the cops. That's completely misleading, but technically i think he was doing what he was supposed to do in those situations. It sucks that he was so logistical, that's so not fair to you. I hope you straightened things out and everything went well...
Posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 11:53:19
In reply to I am angry, please help, posted by Miller on December 11, 2002, at 8:57:48
The only thing he did wrong, if he was the one making the call, was not be at the hospital when you arrived.
You, I assume, see this person of your own free will and 'signed on' to therapy to find your way out of the darkness. So the one with the flashlight does what I would have done and you're angry. What's he supposed to do or say, "Oh, you're okay now, great, see you Thursday."
So, you don't like police and rude nurses..tough.
You told your doctor, who is, hopefully well trained, in a conversation that you tried to kill yourself. He talked to you to see where you were at emotionally and may not have liked what he heard. Miller, you're talking about killing yourself, self-murder, don't get pissed at someone trying everything they can to save you.
Humble yourself a bit and quit blaming your problems on the doctors, the police, the nurses. Even strangers get pissed at someone trying to kill themselves. Try to see the big picture; we are programmed to save others. If a 5 year old niece were to somehow able to call you and then said she wanted to die because her rabbit died or whatever, what would you say?
I believe in a higher power and I think this force puts people into action to save others at times. All sounds like coincidence and 12 step crap, I'm sure. But I think that higher power will always see you as you see a child and it will hurt this power to see you hurt yourself.This post may get me blocked..fine. It will piss you and some others off, fine. Even though I was abused and have suffered some bad treatment and probably have been depressed since I was a small kid, I have promised myself and two brothers that it will never happen and it won't.
You are in the darkest stage of this disease and I know how it feels to just want to disappear. This is the time in the disease that you've got to trust others and not listen to the inner voice saying nothing short of death will do.
We all have to go beyond our limits to live, then we move to a better place. Karma says no shortcuts.
Miller, I think the vast majority of suicides can be prevented and we should all help someone in trouble unless they don't want it. If you really want to die you'll die.
Tina told me and others to leave her alone because our guilt was just making her decision easier, that's a load of crap. Everyone, if they want to kill themselves, should at least take responsibility and stop blaming others for their sadness. Even in hell, you still have a choice.
This is my issue too. If I sound angry, it's because I am. I'm real close to this issue because of my past. My mother lived, got sober, and was relatively happy for 18 alcohol free years. If my mom would have died, I never would have know the pride of her courage. I certainly wouldn't have known what a wonderful human being she was and she was a jewel.
She died of cancer Christmas '93. Another sad Christmas for me but I was so proud of her fighting to the end. Her refusal to give up has given me the will to live, damn the torpedos.
And I love her so much for that gift and I miss her so much.You have every right to do with yourself what you wish really. What does the 5 year old child living inside of you really want? Our pain is our past and we have to walk on fire to kill it..or it will kill us all.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 15, 2002, at 12:19:11
In reply to Re: Your doctor is trying to save your life. » Miller, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 11:53:19
Posted by Dinah on December 15, 2002, at 12:20:47
In reply to Re: Your doctor is trying to save your life. » Miller, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 11:53:19
I'm asking this in a completely serious way. I am a religious person, and I fully agree with the religious prohibitions against suicide. I know how it would hurt my family in a way that I would never want to hurt them.
But I am so afraid of so many things, and I long ago decided that if x or y or z happens that I will kill myself because I just can't handle living with the consequences of those things. There aren't many of them, some are along the lines of bringing shame to my family (my OCD fear) and some have to do with fears of losing the most important people in my life. The fear of those things happening is paralyzing to me, and the only way to deal with the fear and live a real life is to have a way out. It seems perfectly rational to me, in my situation only. I agree that I wouldn't think it was the best solution for anyone else.
My fear of living is so much greater than my fear of dying.
I don't want to make the selfish choice of causing pain to others to save myself pain, but I'm pretty sure that under certain circumstances I would.
I know this is a personal question, but how did you come to the point where you could say that you would never make that choice? Are you completely sure? I want to come to that decision, I really do, but I don't know how to get there. The fear is just too great.
Posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:33:30
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure? » Phil , posted by Dinah on December 15, 2002, at 12:20:47
I'm so sure because I'm on this board and I want others to at least hear that no matter the shame, pain, hurt you feel, that dying over it isn't the answer. I know this is a complex issue but the toughest issues in life require some hutzpah. You have to say to yourself-The only rule of the game of life is you can't quit. If I know I won't quit, it gives me freedom to concentrate on fixing my problem.
I know there are some very good reasons to die and the emotional pain of just daily living for me is,a lot of times, almost unbearable. I get so frustrated that most people pretty much breeze through life with an effortlessness that it really make's me want to crawl in a hole. I'm always worried. They are doing great, having fun. I go home to my cat.
Some kind of power/force, whatever, created all we see. Life isn't about God, the devil, whatever. It's more about light and absense of light. So, when I'm in absolute darkness(Carlsbad Caverns..haha), I choose to get down on my knees and say, one more time, "I don't know what or who you are but I need to feel better and I don't think I can do it by myself. Really, I don't want to live, everything hurts, everything HURTS! I give up all ego and all my pride if you can show me some daylight cause I kinda really don't want to die." Within a couple of days, I have always gotten better. God didn't make me better-my willingness to humbly ask for help, I think, is how this power works.
When you send up a prayer like, If you don't help me now I'm fucked. And that's all you can say, but it's sincere and true, you will change.
A therapist told me once that ego was a whatchamacallit that stood for easing god out.
If you're suicidal, you may have a chemical imbalance but you have to develop the will to say-I can't, you can, I'm gonna let you.
Posted by Miller on December 15, 2002, at 18:45:44
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure?, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:33:30
Phil,
You said nothing in your post that would get you in trouble. I am/was angry at my shrink. But not for the reason you seem to think. My anger came from the fact that I did have the courage to call him (A big step for me) and be HONEST with him regarding the pain I was feeling. If he is the one who called the police, I wanted a heads-up on it. Or at least for him to have been available for me when the police were here.
I trusted him. I don't want to have to edit my feelings in fear of not being able to trust him with the important issues.
As far as suicide goes, we all have our own opinion. I do feel like it is my choice. I also believe that if I decide to do it, there is no blame involved with other people. I have created my life and who I am.
Phil, I am glad that you were able to see your mom as a strong person who you admired. Maybe prior to you viewing her that way, you blamed her for your bad feelings.
My bad feelings are nobody's fault but my own. "What goes around, comes around" applies to me. I am living my punishment for the bad things I have done and the bad things I will probably do in the future. I know that. I blame nobody for past or future decisions. Being able or not able to place blame doesn't stop my hurt.
I hope you can understand what I am saying. I am angry for the lack of honesty from my shrink if he was the one to call the police. I felt betrayed. When he and I got off the phone, I felt much better. I wasn't in danger. He never said anything that made me believe he felt any different. If his job is to intervene when he feels I will hurt myself or others, I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with him not being honest or forthcoming if he expects me to do the same with him.
Posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 22:02:25
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure?, posted by Miller on December 15, 2002, at 18:45:44
"Phil, I am glad that you were able to see your mom as a strong person who you admired. Maybe prior to you viewing her that way, you blamed her for your bad feelings."
_______
You probably don't want to hear my history there.You are the only responsible party in your situation. You tried to die, you honestly told you doctor. He did what he was probably trained or required by law to do. (Is that true, I don't know)
Now, YOU are mad at HIM because you think you were treated unfairly by him. What was your doctors intention when he had to make that decision. I think he said to himself, "She's going to be mad as hell but I've got to do what's right. Even if he does it in a way that was crass, at least he had the right intention. Maybe that was his third suicide call that week.
Maybe he really wanted to piss you off so you would stay alive long enough to chew him out. Then, when you vented on him with all you had, you might be so mad you're crying. That's when you can resume the work of staying alive, which is really the ONLY important issue here.
a. you tried suicide
b. he's a fucking idiot
Watch how you handle this situation and you could get some clues on why you're suicidal in the first place. In this universe, there are 'no' mistakes.
I know that:
a. You are very,very hard on yourself. You are not going through hell because of what you've done-it doesn't quite work that smoothly. You're suffering because 'you believe' you were bad and deserve payback. When you were bad as a little girl, what was the punishment, if any?b. You want perfection from others. If you're busy fixing them, you don't have to work on yourself.
c. You try to shift responsibility and talk about how you just got horrible treatment from your doctor. That is not the issue that needs fixing fast.
d. Suicide is often about control. Okay everybody, I've chosen to die at ----p.m.
I'd like to request of my friends, family, lovers to be happy and go on with your life. Don't worry about me-I was just taking up space. Please do this for me.e. Many reading this including me, do the EXACT same behaviors.
You get what you give.
Posted by Dinah on December 15, 2002, at 22:28:54
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure?, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 13:33:30
I admire your courage, Phil. I hope that one day I can make that vow to myself. I finally made a promise to my therapist, after six years, to call him *before* I killed myself and to allow him to help me. That was a huge thing for me, because it restricted that escape route. If he had tried to force that promise, I would never have made it. Now I need to go a step further, but I'm really not ready yet.
I'm a huge coward.
Posted by Miller on December 16, 2002, at 0:27:16
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure?, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 22:02:25
Phil,
Wow. Did you get all that from my posts? I have to say I was quite taken aback with your response. I think I am uncomfortable because so much was so accurate as to how I think.
As far as "probably not wanting" to hear your story regarding your feelings towards your mom, you are wrong. I would be very interested. The reason being is that I have such a roough relationship with my mother, it may give me hope that it could get better.
I disagree with your opinion about me not being punished for past deeds. I have done horrible things. It may seem too "smooth" to you, but it is a reality. Even when good things happen in my life, I am unable to enjoy them. In the back of my mind I feel like I don't deserve it. If people knew the things I have done, and how I continue to think, they would not be so giving and generous to me. I couldn't blame them.
It's interesting that you believe suicide is often about control. I think I am totally out of control when I try to kill myself. I feel so powerless to change my life, my emotions and my thoughts that I have to escape, once and for all. It's an escape hatch for when I can't control ANYTHING.
As far as me staying alive being the "ONLY" inportant issue as you say, once again, I don't agree with that. Since my shrink called the police two days after I tried to commit suicide (if, in fact he did) I believe maybe the issue was HIS control over me, not concern for my well being. The deed was done, however unsuccessful. If, I had called him prior to taking the pills and was just as honest with him, I could see why he would have called.
Staying alive is not always a good thing. Being able to let go is sometimes an option that can't be denied. If a cancer patient had suffered for years and finally took their own life, people may be sad, but would understand. What is the difference with being emotionally in pain for years?
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2002, at 21:56:34
In reply to Re: Phil......., posted by Miller on December 16, 2002, at 0:27:16
>
> I disagree with your opinion about me not being punished for past deeds. I have done horrible things. It may seem too "smooth" to you, but it is a reality. Even when good things happen in my life, I am unable to enjoy them. In the back of my mind I feel like I don't deserve it. If people knew the things I have done, and how I continue to think, they would not be so giving and generous to me. I couldn't blame them.
>Hi Miller. I've been thinking about your post all day. Coincidentally I've been reading a book on spirituality that contains a section on forgiving yourself.
From what I've seen of you on this board, I find it hard to believe your self assessment. You seem far too concerned for others, and far too quick to judge yourself. But I don't know you, and I can't really argue with you about whether or not you've done something terribly bad.
But you said "If people knew the things I have done, and how I continue to think...". That puts the actions in the past and the thoughts in the present. There is no sin in any sort of thoughts or feelings. Thoughts and feelings happen. They aren't right or wrong.
And even if you did do things that were wrong in the past, you need to show yourself the same forgiveness you would show others. If you regret what you've done, and have resolved not to do it again and have taken steps to make sure you won't do it again, you really need to forgive yourself. What's past is past and can't be changed. But the future is full of possibilities.
How would you like to be? And what steps have you or can you take to be that person?
Posted by Miller on December 17, 2002, at 8:14:13
In reply to Re: Miller, posted by Dinah on December 16, 2002, at 21:56:34
Hi Dinah,
Thank you for responding to my post.
Yes, I have done horrible things. My psychologist had the same opinion as you do right now for a while. After I told him of the things I have done, his opinion changed considerably.
I understand what you are saying about forgiving myself. However, I honestly can not say I wouldn't do bad things again. As far as "learning my lesson" goes, I don't trust myself not to repeat my past; even the horrible deeds I did.
The past SI the past, but the future holds possibilities for good AND evil. I may be looking forward to evil.
The person I would want to be, I think is not possible because of my temperment. My shrink keeps telling me that I have to accept that I am a highly emotional person and to work with that and not continually regret it. Easier said than done.
As far as steps I am making... I thought by seeing a shrink I would be able to find the answers. Since that wasn't working as well as I expected, I have joined this group and one similar. I am trying to talk more about my feelings in hopes that I will be able to learn to communicate emotions better. Other than that, I am open for suggestions.
-Miller
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 17, 2002, at 8:30:16
In reply to Re: Dinah, posted by Miller on December 17, 2002, at 8:14:13
i really admired your post miller.
i cant seem to say anything relevent to my pdoc.
he has got it all wrong and i have yet to correct him.
i dont see him for 7 weeks.
i have been si'ing for a bit now and really guilt ridden that i have been resorting to that after many years.
i know i am a beautiful woman but i dont feel it.
i havent had sex with my hubby in over8 months.
he is really frustrated.(durring this time i made a horrible mistake with another woman and its killing me).
sorry for going on and on.
i always look for your posts-you are very clever and insightful.
jyl
Posted by Miller on December 17, 2002, at 8:59:59
In reply to miller, posted by justyourlaugh on December 17, 2002, at 8:30:16
Hi Jyl,
Thank you for your kind words. I understand completely the regrets you are having.
As far as giving the relevant information to your pdoc, I have received many suggestions on how to tell him things. All of them have helped. I am not good at face to face meetings. Here are some of the things I have done to give him the information he needs to help me.
* I have written events and concerns. Since I have a habit of over-editing, I fax the information to him prior to my session.
* I have called him and asked him to let the answering machine pick up so I can leave what I need to say on the machine.
* I have even turned my chair so my back faces him until I say what I need to. Thus, preventing an eye to eye contact which would be too uncomfortable for me.
* And finally, I have told him when he is wrong. For example, he was telling me how I need to start seeing small events as a win-win situation regardless of the outcome. After the (seemingly) 20 minute lecture he says "I bet every bone in your body is screaming that you don't deserve to win". I said "No, every bone in my body is asking HOW am I supposed to do that after 35 years of thinking differently!"
SO, please feel free to try any of these suggestions. I was once given some very good advise from a psychologist in San Fransisco. He said that although I may be disappointed and hurt because my shrink will "miss the point" I have to honestly look to see if I GAVE him the point. He can't help me if I don't give him everything he needs to know. He is right. Without telling your pdoc all there is, he/she can not be expected to KNOW where you are emotionally.
If your next appointment is so far away, try writing. Maybe take sections. I tend to work backwards. I start with now and work my way back. You could start by writing about the event with the other woman.
Please let me know if any of this information is useful. I wish you well.
-Miller
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 17, 2002, at 11:01:46
In reply to Re: justyourlaugh, posted by Miller on December 17, 2002, at 8:59:59
thanks for the advice miller.
i did write down stuff for the last pdoc visit-but i left it at home -i thought i was feeling better.
i convinced myself i was better.i dont like to complain
i will start again.
jyl
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