Posted by Miller on December 16, 2002, at 0:27:16
In reply to Re: How can you be so sure?, posted by Phil on December 15, 2002, at 22:02:25
Phil,
Wow. Did you get all that from my posts? I have to say I was quite taken aback with your response. I think I am uncomfortable because so much was so accurate as to how I think.
As far as "probably not wanting" to hear your story regarding your feelings towards your mom, you are wrong. I would be very interested. The reason being is that I have such a roough relationship with my mother, it may give me hope that it could get better.
I disagree with your opinion about me not being punished for past deeds. I have done horrible things. It may seem too "smooth" to you, but it is a reality. Even when good things happen in my life, I am unable to enjoy them. In the back of my mind I feel like I don't deserve it. If people knew the things I have done, and how I continue to think, they would not be so giving and generous to me. I couldn't blame them.
It's interesting that you believe suicide is often about control. I think I am totally out of control when I try to kill myself. I feel so powerless to change my life, my emotions and my thoughts that I have to escape, once and for all. It's an escape hatch for when I can't control ANYTHING.
As far as me staying alive being the "ONLY" inportant issue as you say, once again, I don't agree with that. Since my shrink called the police two days after I tried to commit suicide (if, in fact he did) I believe maybe the issue was HIS control over me, not concern for my well being. The deed was done, however unsuccessful. If, I had called him prior to taking the pills and was just as honest with him, I could see why he would have called.
Staying alive is not always a good thing. Being able to let go is sometimes an option that can't be denied. If a cancer patient had suffered for years and finally took their own life, people may be sad, but would understand. What is the difference with being emotionally in pain for years?
poster:Miller
thread:1790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1847.html