![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by cubbybear on February 18, 2003, at 4:41:04
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 18, 2003, at 1:57:55
> Yikes! Folliculitis -- I know that means "inflammation of the follicles" but other than the literal translation I don't really know what it is. Sounds painful.
It's not painful at all--just looks ugly where I have it--mostly right foot, right knee, thigh, and a few other places. It's "just" a bacterial infection of the hair follicles.Evidently brought on by stress and lowered resistance, as we know. Of course, in this tropical climate, one can so easily pick up all kinds of skin problems.I don't know what happened to your comment on the Xanax, maybe I accidentally erased it, but be assured I AM taking the .5 mg Xanax each day regardless of how tiny it seems.
Assuming I can make it through the next 12 days, it will be nothing less than a miracle from God for me to get through L.A. via mass transit, no one to pick me up at the airport, do all I must do. I can barely hold my head up now, had to cancel out on tonight's private teaching assignment. I'm so mentally and physically exhausted and in dire need of the proper anti-depressant (we know which one it is) that I pray I won't collapse or get into a totally vegetative state before I can even get the prescription. Can you give me some encouragement? I know I'm asking for a a lot. during these blackest hours ever.
Posted by LyndaK on February 19, 2003, at 1:00:25
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 18, 2003, at 4:41:04
> Assuming I can make it through the next 12 days,<Only 12 days! That's less than 2 weeks! You can do that!
> it will be nothing less than a miracle from God<
Miracles DO happen.
>for me to get through L.A. via mass transit, no one to pick me up at the airport, do all I must do.<
You can do it.
> I can barely hold my head up now, had to cancel out on tonight's private teaching assignment.<
You're doing what you need to do to survive. Don't beat yourself up over that one.
>I'm so mentally and physically exhausted and in dire need of the proper anti-depressant (we know which one it is) that I pray I won't collapse or get into a totally vegetative state before I can even get the prescription.>
You're very disciplined. You've made it this far. There's not a doubt in my mind that you can make it the rest of the way. If you lack confidence then lean on mine. I have confidence that you'll make it.
One day at a time.
Keep counting.
Keep posting.
I'll keep looking for you.
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 19, 2003, at 9:35:42
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 19, 2003, at 1:00:25
Lynda,
You really do possess the gift of encouragement I need. So another day has passed. 24 hours that felt like a millenium.
Tomorrow will be the last day that I take a tablet of Aurorix. Only time will tell if this stuff caused a worsening of my depression or not, depending on how I feel within the next few days.
On the other hand, the coming week is the dangerous transition period, in which I'll have NO antidepressant in my system at all. Hopefully, I'll be taking the Parnate within 1 or 2 days of arriving in L.A. Then, there's the long wait for it to kick in.
And I must confide to you that since EVERYTHING going through my mind is a negative these days, my deepest worst fear of all is that the Parnate will not work this time--although it never failed me in the past.
Posted by LyndaK on February 20, 2003, at 0:19:18
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 19, 2003, at 9:35:42
> Lynda,
> You really do possess the gift of encouragement I need. So another day has passed. 24 hours that felt like a millenium.
> Tomorrow will be the last day that I take a tablet of Aurorix. Only time will tell if this stuff caused a worsening of my depression or not, depending on how I feel within the next few days.
> On the other hand, the coming week is the dangerous transition period, in which I'll have NO antidepressant in my system at all.<It's hard for me to imagine how having NO antidepressant in your system could possibly be WORSE than what you've been experiencing with the Aurorix. The same, maybe, but not worse.
> Hopefully, I'll be taking the Parnate within 1 or 2 days of arriving in L.A. Then, there's the long wait for it to kick in.>
Yeah. I remember reading some other posts about giving Parnate a good 6 weeks to kick in. That is a long wait when you're feeling the way you do, but hopefully there will be SOME effect before that time.
> And I must confide to you that since EVERYTHING going through my mind is a negative these days, my deepest worst fear of all is that the Parnate will not work this time--although it never failed me in the past.>
I had a feeling that might be a fear you were having. I almost asked you once, but didn't because I was afraid of PLANTING the fear. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the MAOI drugs are actually some of the more stable ones in terms of if they work, they generally keep working.(?) I have to admit, even now, I still fear that my Remeron is going to poop-out some day, but so far so good.
You're going to make it, Steve. :)
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 20, 2003, at 11:04:53
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 20, 2003, at 0:19:18
> > Lynda,
> Yeah. I remember reading some other posts about giving Parnate a good 6 weeks to kick in. That is a long wait when you're feeling the way you do, but hopefully there will be SOME effect before that time.
From my past experience, it kicked in roughly between 3 and 4 weeks.
>
> > And I must confide to you that since EVERYTHING going through my mind is a negative these days, my deepest worst fear of all is that the Parnate will not work this time--although it never failed me in the past.>
>
> I had a feeling that might be a fear you were having.
How were you able to know or sense that?. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the MAOI drugs are actually some of the more stable ones in terms of if they work, they generally keep working.(?)
I'm not an expert on that (poopout) but I think it's true--I PRAY it's true.I have to admit, even now, I still fear that my Remeron is going to poop-out some day, but so far so good.
I'm glad for you Lynda.
* * * * * * * * * * ** ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Over the past couple of hours, I got some phone calls from my mother, who lives in Phoenix. We're close, send E-mails almost daily, and have been speaking on the phone on the average once a week since my crisis started. My parents are divorced. My father is also re-married but lives in Florida. My relationship with him has been practically non-existent for my entire life. He has admitted many times to being not a good father and yet has never seemed capable of changing to make up for all the lost love and time. I saw my mother briefly last year (once a year since I moved to Thailand), but I haven't seen my father for nearly 10 years. He learned from my mother and from my reply to his E-mail that I haven't been well. Since he's still on good terms with my mother, he left a message on her phone machine that he was willing to come out to Phoenix to see me during this crisis in my life. it was the first true act of love he has shown in God knows how long. My mother is serving as an intermediary here, trying to find out what I really want , what I would be most comfortable with, if I'd want to see him, etc.
Lynda, I couldn't find the words to express how intense and mind-boggling this all is--I know we're touching on stuff that goes far beyond psychobabble--it's family stuff--but I just wanted to let you know the latest. I don't know if my mind can deal with the latest development, coming on top of my deep, deep depression.
I could not say "no" to my father coming to visit--I'd be doing the same thing to him (rejection) that he has been doing to me his whole life. Second, I don't know when I'd have the opportunity to see him next.
Third, if "something" happened to him" after I had refused his offer to visit, I'd have it on my conscience the rest of my life. I also think about the Budddhist laws about honoring one's parents and bad karma---bad actions (i.e. me rejecting his offer to see me) leading to bad results or bad consequences. So I told her to tell him it would be OK for him to come for a couple of days or so, but not at the beginning of my visit, when my Mom and I and my step-father will need plenty of time to chat privately
I've told you only a fraction of all that's been going on. My mother phoned from Phoenix to Thailand three separate times to run ideas past me--to get my input. She's frantically trying to be as helpful as she can--to do everything possible to help me out, and I couldn't ask for a better mother than that.
But unfortunately, you know, when one is depressed, even the smallest decisions seem like major dilemmas, so can you imagine how I felt trying to digest all her suggestions, questions, and new ideas for how to engineer my time out there? You'll have to stay tuned to hear how this plays out. Also, it's a good a time as any for me to tell you that ironically, once I get to Phoenix, I will have very limited opportunities to use the Internet and Psychobabble, since my mother's E-mail equipment is a crude machine and she can't go on-line. Anyway------
Did you ever hear of anyone who had so much on their plate at one time as me?
Posted by LyndaK on February 20, 2003, at 22:52:35
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 20, 2003, at 11:04:53
> >
> > > And I must confide to you that since EVERYTHING going through my mind is a negative these days, my deepest worst fear of all is that the Parnate will not work this time--although it never failed me in the past.>
> > I had a feeling that might be a fear you were having.
> How were you able to know or sense that?I don't know. Maybe just taking your stated fears one step further (i.e. "what if I can't get the Parnate" to "What if I get the Parnate and it doesn't work?")
> * * * * * * * * * * ** ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> Over the past couple of hours, I got some phone calls from my mother, who lives in Phoenix. We're close, send E-mails almost daily, and have been speaking on the phone on the average once a week since my crisis started. My parents are divorced. My father is also re-married but lives in Florida. My relationship with him has been practically non-existent for my entire life. He has admitted many times to being not a good father and yet has never seemed capable of changing to make up for all the lost love and time.I felt the pain-of-parenthood with that statement. That must have been a very PAINFUL admission on his part. I think back when I was so severely depressed and I still had two little ones depending on me to nurture them. I cared for their physical needs but nurturing is an EMOTIONAL event. I couldn't give to them what I didn't have. I couldn't mirror their own emotions back to them when I was so self-absorbed in my own pain. And it's a hard burden to know that whatever pain/isolation/confusion they felt during that time is there -- I can't go back and fix it.
I'm not sure that I'm trying to tell you anything here, it just brought forth some intense feelings and memories for me.I saw my mother briefly last year (once a year since I moved to Thailand), but I haven't seen my father for nearly 10 years. He learned from my mother and from my reply to his E-mail that I haven't been well. Since he's still on good terms with my mother, he left a message on her phone machine that he was willing to come out to Phoenix to see me during this crisis in my life. it was the first true act of love he has shown in God knows how long.
He obviously really cares about you and is trying to be "present" for you now in this time of need.
My mother is serving as an intermediary here, trying to find out what I really want , what I would be most comfortable with, if I'd want to see him, etc.
> Lynda, I couldn't find the words to express how intense and mind-boggling this all is--I know we're touching on stuff that goes far beyond psychobabble--it's family stuff--but I just wanted to let you know the latest. I don't know if my mind can deal with the latest development, coming on top of my deep, deep depression.
> I could not say "no" to my father coming to visit--I'd be doing the same thing to him (rejection) that he has been doing to me his whole life. Second, I don't know when I'd have the opportunity to see him next.
> Third, if "something" happened to him" after I had refused his offer to visit, I'd have it on my conscience the rest of my life. I also think about the Budddhist laws about honoring one's parents and bad karma---bad actions (i.e. me rejecting his offer to see me) leading to bad results or bad consequences. So I told her to tell him it would be OK for him to come for a couple of days or so, but not at the beginning of my visit, when my Mom and I and my step-father will need plenty of time to chat privatelyThose parameters make good sense to me.
> I've told you only a fraction of all that's been going on. My mother phoned from Phoenix to Thailand three separate times to run ideas past me--to get my input. She's frantically trying to be as helpful as she can--to do everything possible to help me out, and I couldn't ask for a better mother than that.
> But unfortunately, you know, when one is depressed, even the smallest decisions seem like major dilemmas, so can you imagine how I felt trying to digest all her suggestions, questions, and new ideas for how to engineer my time out there? You'll have to stay tuned to hear how this plays out.You've got my attention.
Also, it's a good a time as any for me to tell you that ironically, once I get to Phoenix, I will have very limited opportunities to use the Internet and Psychobabble, since my mother's E-mail equipment is a crude machine and she can't go on-line. Anyway------
Thanks for letting me know. I won't worry about your "absence".
> Did you ever hear of anyone who had so much on their plate at one time as me?
Well, actually, yes, but that doesn't minimize your situation at all. Here's another piece of personal trivia about me: I work as an Occupational Therapist for the county Public Health Dept. working with kids with physical disabilities -- mostly neurologic in nature. The families of those kids have a LOT on their plates.It sounds like you have a very supportive family, Steve. That's a really good thing.
Keep me posted.
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 21, 2003, at 10:08:55
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 20, 2003, at 22:52:35
>
> > > I had a feeling that might be a fear you were having.
> > How were you able to know or sense that?
>
> I don't know. Maybe just taking your stated fears one step further (i.e. "what if I can't get the Parnate" to "What if I get the Parnate and it doesn't work?")
That's a major part of my problem, fearing the worst, always thinking "what if this, what if that?" Constant worrying about the future and the most dire consequences. I "learned" this conditioned behavior from my mother, who I think acquired it from her father or mother. In any case, now that i do it so much, it's making my mother nuts (shoe's on the other foot, I guess) and my pdoc sees this as an integral problem in my personality that just exacerbates the depresssion. It creates a vicious cycle. Case in point--last week I went to the dermatologist for that folliculitis. It's a common problem and he said it would resolve itself in 3-5 days. Well it did, but naturally yours truly had gotten into this state of fear that It would necessitate subsequent expenses and hospital visits. In my mind, I made it out to be a whole lot worse than it was.>
>
> > * * * * * * * * * * ** ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> . He has admitted many times to being not a good father and yet has never seemed capable of changing to make up for all the lost love and time.
>
> I felt the pain-of-parenthood with that statement.
Of course, I never meant to trigger painful feelings within you. I imagine that this kind of thing is common everywhere--lots of people whose parents were not physically or emotionally around when they needed them. In fact, I KNOW it's common.> I'm not sure that I'm trying to tell you anything here, it just brought forth some intense feelings and memories for me.
Again, I didn't mean to evoke any pain on your part. I just wanted to confide about the pain I experienced in my childhood and adolescence.
>
>
> It sounds like you have a very supportive family, Steve. That's a really good thing.
Of course it is. But you've heard only one millionth of one percent of it all. My relationship with my family for the most part has been one of incessant misunderstandings, pain, hard feelings, bitterness, alienation, etc. etc. It's too bad that it has to take a major crisis (i.e. mine) to bring everyone together in a show of unity.
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Received an E-mail from my mother this morning. The pharmacy in West Hollywood informed her by phone that they have the whole Parnate Rx ready for my pickup. Sounds super efficient to me.
Now, let's play with numbers here:
1000 tablets (10 bottles of 100 tabs each) will cost me approx. $680. My math skills are awful, but that comes out to 68 cents per tab, right? Does that sound cheap or expensive to you. How does it compare to the cost of your Remeron? (I have this feeling that the MAOs are a LOT cheaper because the market is so small and the big drug companies are making trillions on the SSRIs, Remeron, Serzone, etc., etc.. I know when I was taking Remeron and than later, Zoloft, I was paying exactly HALF here of what Walgreens was quoting online.
>
Posted by LyndaK on February 23, 2003, at 2:41:49
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 21, 2003, at 10:08:55
<Received an E-mail from my mother this morning. The pharmacy in West Hollywood informed her by phone that they have the whole
Parnate Rx ready for my pickup. Sounds super efficient to me.<That's Great!!
Now, let's play with numbers here:
1000 tablets (10 bottles of 100 tabs each) will cost me approx. $680. My math skills are awful, but that comes out to 68 cents per tab,
right? Does that sound cheap or expensive to you.That sounds VERY reasonable to me.
How does it compare to the cost of your Remeron? (I have this feeling that the MAOs
are a LOT cheaper because the market is so small and the big drug companies are making trillions on the SSRIs, Remeron, Serzone, etc.,
etc.. I know when I was taking Remeron and than later, Zoloft, I was paying exactly HALF here of what Walgreens was quoting online.<Since my health insurance covers all but $10.00 of the cost of my medication (per month), and the pharmacy doesn't print the full cost on any of the receipts/paperwork they give me, I honestly have no idea how much the Remeron costs.
5(?) more days to go?
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 23, 2003, at 7:00:57
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 23, 2003, at 2:41:49
Lynda,
As I type this, it's a bit more than 7 days to be exact. My flight departs Sunday morning, March 2 at 9 A.M. Thailand Time. We're 14 hours ahead of California.
The rest of this letter will be very long and I think, very difficult for you. But you are brilliant and inspirational, so perhaps you can handle it all, and come up with some rational, practical answers to reassure me, somehow. (The letter is also quite incoherent.)For the past couple of days at least, I've been virtually paralyzed and immobilized by my depression. Even lying on the bed wide awake is not helpful. Only sleep takes my mind off the torture. Everyone says that getting up and doing things, i.e. keeping the body moving--is so important when you're depressed. But I feel so utterly debilitated, I can barely move. (Well, I made to the Internet shop, so I guess I'm not totally immobilized). Now I haven't gotten to the really difficult stuff yet.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * *At this point, I need to share with you some of the terrible fears I have.The fears of the future, of the unknown. I've become pretty much "addicted" to the Psychobabble board, and sure enough, I've begun to see some inherent risks. I've actually come across a few postings, and I've also seen one on that recently-established Yahoo group for MAOI med users, (have you seen it?) that there are perhaps a handful of people out there who either had negative results with Parnate or, worse yet, one guy even had a disappointing second trial after his first trial was good. Do you have any idea what reading this can do to me? Should I stop reading the boards altogether? I can't stay away from them because they're so helpful and so comforting (a perfect example is having YOU to talk to), and yet just as it says in the disclaimers, there are things that can appear that could make you feel even worse.
My brain (what's ever left of it) is one huge mass of tangled fears, what if's, and worst case scenarios right now. I fear that I'll have TRD (treatment-resistant depression) my whole life now, (although it was always treatable in the past), I fear that the Parnate will not work (you already know that one), and the latest fear is--it's actually an imagined logistical problem--is this: it will be relatively easy for me to phone my former pdoc in New York once I get to my Mom's house in Phoenix (he's the psychiatrist who has been writing the prescriptions for Parnate for me all these years, and mailing them, long after I last saw him in 1988.)
I worry about how I will be able to communicate any problems I might have with the Parnate once I get back to Thailand. My pdoc here in Bangkok said that he COULD help me with it, even though it's unavailable here, since he has the appropriate professional books from the U.S. But WHAT IF my dosage has to be raised or the dose schedule changed from what it used to be? How can he render proper medical advice on a drug he's never prescribed? Just going by the book? (I realize that there are countless pdocs out there who don't know what they're doing hafl the time, even with all the education they've had and books at their disposal anyway.)I'm sorry if I'm making it so hard on you now, but my hugest problem is that my mind keep on fabricating what if's, worrying to no end about things or situations that may never happen. Why can't I just live one day at a time? We know that the Parnate has ALWAYS helped, but what's different this time is the sheer magnitude of the depression, the drastic loss of weight, almost total inability to get off the bed--it's so much worse than it ever was, so naturally I can't help wondering if the drug will not be able to take care of it. Or,I worry that I won't be able to get the proper treatment and professional knowledge of dosage this time because the doctor who knew me best, the one who prescribed it, the one who should really be monitoring my response--is not in Thailand, nor in California, nor in Phoenix, but in New York. And, like so many others, he's almost impossible to get hold of on the phone.
Thanks so much for bearing with me--you see what an impossibly difficult patient I am--I've given you the most mind-boggling mess of fears I have, straight from the gut---worrying about the ultimate worst things that may never even happen. You're the only person I can confide these hidden trepidations to, right now.
Maybe you have some practical suggestions about the pdoc situation (phone communications) as well as your usual wonderful moral support. If you can't "handle" the intensity of this note, nor all the questions (many of which are rhetorical questions anyway), then just do your usual best to answer and to help. Whatever you offer is so much appreciated at this time.
Steve
Posted by LyndaK on February 24, 2003, at 1:03:48
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 23, 2003, at 7:00:57
> Lynda,
> As I type this, it's a bit more than 7 days to be exact. My flight departs Sunday morning, March 2 at 9 A.M. Thailand Time. We're 14 hours ahead of California.O.K. Thanks for the correction.
> The rest of this letter will be very long and I think, very difficult for you.I hope that I didn't give the impression that I was bothered by the instense feelings/memories I had in response to your last post (about your dad). It was actually good, in a way, to reflect back on that -- to increase my awareness of the impact I may have had on my children then, and think about what I could be doing now to counter it.
But you are brilliant and inspirational
Now THAT I can't handle; there's pressure to live up to the expectation and I may not be able to do that.
, so perhaps you can handle it all,
I think I can.
and come up with some rational, practical answers to reassure me, somehow.
I'll try.
(The letter is also quite incoherent.)
It wasn't in the least bit incoherent.
>
> For the past couple of days at least, I've been virtually paralyzed and immobilized by my depression. Even lying on the bed wide awake is not helpful. Only sleep takes my mind off the torture. Everyone says that getting up and doing things, i.e. keeping the body moving--is so important when you're depressed. But I feel so utterly debilitated, I can barely move. (Well, I made to the Internet shop, so I guess I'm not totally immobilized). Now I haven't gotten to the really difficult stuff yet.
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * *
>
> At this point, I need to share with you some of the terrible fears I have.The fears of the future, of the unknown. I've become pretty much "addicted" to the Psychobabble board, and sure enough, I've begun to see some inherent risks. I've actually come across a few postings, and I've also seen one on that recently-established Yahoo group for MAOI med users, (have you seen it?) that there are perhaps a handful of people out there who either had negative results with Parnate or, worse yet, one guy even had a disappointing second trial after his first trial was good. Do you have any idea what reading this can do to me?Yes. It totally "feeds into" your fears.
Should I stop reading the boards altogether? I can't stay away from them because they're so helpful and so comforting (a perfect example is having YOU to talk to), and yet just as it says in the disclaimers, there are things that can appear that could make you feel even worse.
I don't know how to advise you on that. I know the board(s) have been a source of support for you (not just me, but many others have responded to you as well), and that's very important since you're feeling somewhat isolated in Thailand with only a couple of friends and a pdoc who doesn't believe in ongoing therapeutic support. So I think it serves a very important function for you.
But, where meds are concerned, you know that just about EVERY POSSIBLE reaction to a medication can be found on this board. That doesn't mean YOU are going to have that same reaction. You are going to be restarting a KNOWN medication (known to you) -- one that you have had a VERY positive response to in the past. The odds are IN YOUR FAVOR that it will work again -- not 100% odds -- but still BETTER odds that it WILL work than odds that it won't. I know it's difficult for you to trust that, but what else can you do?
>
> My brain (what's ever left of it) is one huge mass of tangled fears, what if's, and worst case scenarios right now.I think it's important to understand that as PART OF your symptoms/dysfunction (which I think you do). You have done AMAZINGLY WELL making decisions considering the over-the-top fear and anxiety that you've been experiencing every waking moment of every day, day after day after day! I'm SURE that it is taking a heavy toll on your physical health (you mentioned no appetite/weight loss). Our bodies were not designed to be in "fight-or-flight" mode on a chronic basis. It is my hope that this will be one of the first symptoms that starts to get better once you start the Parnate.(?)
I fear that I'll have TRD (treatment-resistant depression) my whole life now, (although it was always treatable in the past), I fear that the Parnate will not work (you already know that one), and the latest fear is--it's actually an imagined logistical problem--is this: it will be relatively easy for me to phone my former pdoc in New York once I get to my Mom's house in Phoenix (he's the psychiatrist who has been writing the prescriptions for Parnate for me all these years, and mailing them, long after I last saw him in 1988.)
> I worry about how I will be able to communicate any problems I might have with the Parnate once I get back to Thailand. My pdoc here in Bangkok said that he COULD help me with it, even though it's unavailable here, since he has the appropriate professional books from the U.S. But WHAT IF my dosage has to be raised or the dose schedule changed from what it used to be? How can he render proper medical advice on a drug he's never prescribed? Just going by the book? (I realize that there are countless pdocs out there who don't know what they're doing hafl the time, even with all the education they've had and books at their disposal anyway.)
>
> I'm sorry if I'm making it so hard on you now, but my hugest problem is that my mind keep on fabricating what if's, worrying to no end about things or situations that may never happen. Why can't I just live one day at a time? We know that the Parnate has ALWAYS helped, but what's different this time is the sheer magnitude of the depression, the drastic loss of weight, almost total inability to get off the bed--it's so much worse than it ever was, so naturally I can't help wondering if the drug will not be able to take care of it. Or,I worry that I won't be able to get the proper treatment and professional knowledge of dosage this time because the doctor who knew me best, the one who prescribed it, the one who should really be monitoring my response--is not in Thailand, nor in California, nor in Phoenix, but in New York. And, like so many others, he's almost impossible to get hold of on the phone.Why can't you stay in the U.S. longer? 3 months? It seems like it would be to your benefit to stay long enough to get stabilized and then go back with some kind of plan to ensure proper monitoring (one that you work out with your U.S. doc.). I know you said something about needing to get back to look for a job, but, really, it seems like your emotional (and physical) health is your number one priority right now. Don't you think? Everything else sort of hinges on that.
7 more days and counting.
I'll keep looking for ya'
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 24, 2003, at 10:20:21
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 24, 2003, at 1:03:48
> Why can't you stay in the U.S. longer? 3 months? It seems like it would be to your benefit to stay long enough to get stabilized and then go back with some kind of plan to ensure proper monitoring (one that you work out with your U.S. doc.). I know you said something about needing to get back to look for a job, but, really, it seems like your emotional (and physical) health is your number one priority right now. Don't you think? Everything else sort of hinges on that.
I will reply tonight to your comments here at the tail end of my last letter. Ideally, it would be just the right "ticket" for me to stay in the U.S. as long as necessary till the meds kick in--whether it's 3, 4, 5 weeks or whatever. But life is filled with some very cruel realities and harsh practicalities. You simply can't imagine the impossibilties and logistics of why I can't stay in the U.S. longer than a couple of weeks on this vacation. There are three:
1) I do not have a house here; I have an apartment. The rent has to be paid monthly. I will pay them for March, but need to be back in time to pay for April. Although the owner knows me well, I simply can't just ditch this place at my convenience for as long as I want.2) I have a work permit that, if not renewed by around March 22, would start incurring fines and that would create a huge can of worms. The Thai authorities can take a simple one-day-late document and give you nightmares over it. I also have a visa that expires around June 8, and THAT will become a major determinant of what will happen then. If God forbid, I'm not well and not gainfully employed by then, (or even before that), I will HAVE to leave permanently, because I couldn't go through thetime-consuming, costly hassle of renewing the visa.
3) The third reason I couldn't stay long at my mother's place is the most difficult and complex of all. It concerns my family and particularly my mother and my relationship with her. An encyclopedia could be written about the two of us, so I'll have to give you the "condensed" version.
She is the stereotypical Jewish mother, meaning, she can be loving, devoted, doting, protective, and caring one day, but the next day, she can be domineering, manipulative, "guilt producing" (as in "Look at all I've done for you and this is how you treat me!"--stuff like that. Besides, she has other negative qualities as well, such as occasionally resorting to hysterics or hystrionics when she can't be in full control of everything, and it finally piles up on her. We have had pretty much a love-hate relationship our entire lives, and it came close to a breaking point last year at this time. Everything got mended, thank God, but deep inside, there is the realization on both our parts that I could never live with her on an extended basis. Even 10 days or 2 weeks is a lot of time for us to be together. Besides, she has her husband, my step-father to attend to, who is about 75 himself. They're both in basically good health, thank God, except for the common ailments of old age and my mother's chronic osteoporosis. At this age, they need to have doctor visits frequently. Having me around for 3 months would be asking more than I think my mother could deal with. It's incredibly complicated. You're not dealing with a person (me) in his/her 20s who's left home, gotten an apartment, and wants to move back with his parents for a couple of months during the summer break from college. I'm 54 and my mother is 74 and, after all we've been through, the family dynamics, physical health of my mother and step-father and the potential clash that could erupt between my mother and myself once again must be kept in mind. I hope you have a little better understanding as to why I simply can't have a really extended visit.
In truth, Lynda, I'm facing THE most critical juncture of my life--taking the gamble that the Parnate will kick in within a reasonable amount of time as I struggle on my own amid the agonies of depression and anxiety physically debilitated, and living in a foreign country that is--to be honest--no place to be when you're sick. Thais are the most uncaring and unsympathetic people on earth. It's a great great place to visit, but the longer you live here, the more you realize that this is a land where the legendary Thai smile is mostly just a big fat coverup. A great , common expression for us foreigners is, "Laugh and they'll all laugh with you, but if you cry, you'll cry alone."
What all this comes down to is that healthy or not, I can no longer harbor the dreams I had as recently as 2 years ago--of living through old age here. So much more, whole volumes could be said, and I've gone way off the topic, which is why can't I stay in the U.S. for about 3 months. Just go back to those reasons relating to rent, work permit, visa and family closeness/dynamics/history.
I hope this will give you a little clearer picture of why I simply can't do what would be the ideal thing to do. Now you can see why I pray every night that the Parnate will kick in before long--otherwise, I'm a dead duck (with a brain like a vegetable) who would HAVE to go back to the great old U.S.A. homeless and jobless. I praying to God with every ounce of my being that such a scenario doesn't happen.
>
Posted by LyndaK on February 25, 2003, at 2:19:15
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 24, 2003, at 10:20:21
>
> I will reply tonight to your comments here at the tail end of my last letter. Ideally, it would be just the right "ticket" for me to stay in the U.S. as long as necessary till the meds kick in--whether it's 3, 4, 5 weeks or whatever. But life is filled with some very cruel realities and harsh practicalities. You simply can't imagine the impossibilties and logistics of why I can't stay in the U.S. longer than a couple of weeks on this vacation. There are three:
> 1) I do not have a house here; I have an apartment. The rent has to be paid monthly. I will pay them for March, but need to be back in time to pay for April. Although the owner knows me well, I simply can't just ditch this place at my convenience for as long as I want.
>
> 2) I have a work permit that, if not renewed by around March 22, would start incurring fines and that would create a huge can of worms. The Thai authorities can take a simple one-day-late document and give you nightmares over it. I also have a visa that expires around June 8, and THAT will become a major determinant of what will happen then. If God forbid, I'm not well and not gainfully employed by then, (or even before that), I will HAVE to leave permanently, because I couldn't go through thetime-consuming, costly hassle of renewing the visa.
>
> 3) The third reason I couldn't stay long at my mother's place is the most difficult and complex of all. It concerns my family and particularly my mother and my relationship with her. An encyclopedia could be written about the two of us, so I'll have to give you the "condensed" version.
> She is the stereotypical Jewish mother, meaning, she can be loving, devoted, doting, protective, and caring one day, but the next day, she can be domineering, manipulative, "guilt producing" (as in "Look at all I've done for you and this is how you treat me!"--stuff like that. Besides, she has other negative qualities as well, such as occasionally resorting to hysterics or hystrionics when she can't be in full control of everything, and it finally piles up on her. We have had pretty much a love-hate relationship our entire lives, and it came close to a breaking point last year at this time. Everything got mended, thank God, but deep inside, there is the realization on both our parts that I could never live with her on an extended basis. Even 10 days or 2 weeks is a lot of time for us to be together. Besides, she has her husband, my step-father to attend to, who is about 75 himself. They're both in basically good health, thank God, except for the common ailments of old age and my mother's chronic osteoporosis. At this age, they need to have doctor visits frequently. Having me around for 3 months would be asking more than I think my mother could deal with. It's incredibly complicated. You're not dealing with a person (me) in his/her 20s who's left home, gotten an apartment, and wants to move back with his parents for a couple of months during the summer break from college. I'm 54 and my mother is 74 and, after all we've been through, the family dynamics, physical health of my mother and step-father and the potential clash that could erupt between my mother and myself once again must be kept in mind. I hope you have a little better understanding as to why I simply can't have a really extended visit.Yes -- A much better understanding. Maybe it would be good to try to contact that doctor in New York and see if something could be arranged in the way of "phone consultations" to monitor your progress.
> In truth, Lynda, I'm facing THE most critical juncture of my life--taking the gamble that the Parnate will kick in within a reasonable amount of time as I struggle on my own amid the agonies of depression and anxiety physically debilitated, and living in a foreign country that is--to be honest--no place to be when you're sick. Thais are the most uncaring and unsympathetic people on earth. It's a great great place to visit, but the longer you live here, the more you realize that this is a land where the legendary Thai smile is mostly just a big fat coverup. A great , common expression for us foreigners is, "Laugh and they'll all laugh with you, but if you cry, you'll cry alone."
> What all this comes down to is that healthy or not, I can no longer harbor the dreams I had as recently as 2 years ago--of living through old age here. So much more, whole volumes could be said, and I've gone way off the topic, which is why can't I stay in the U.S. for about 3 months. Just go back to those reasons relating to rent, work permit, visa and family closeness/dynamics/history.
> I hope this will give you a little clearer picture of why I simply can't do what would be the ideal thing to do. Now you can see why I pray every night that the Parnate will kick in before long--otherwise, I'm a dead duck (with a brain like a vegetable)You do NOT have a brain like a vegetable (though I understand it might feel like one).
who would HAVE to go back to the great old U.S.A. homeless and jobless. I praying to God with every ounce of my being that such a scenario doesn't happen.
> >
>
I'll pray with you, Steve.
6 days and counting.
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 25, 2003, at 10:05:32
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by LyndaK on February 25, 2003, at 2:19:15
Hi Lynda,
This note will be relatively short, compared to the last few. I don't have much to say tonight that I haven't said before, regarding my depression/anxiety torture. It just seems to be getting worse by the day.I just happened to re-read our entire thread of posts and noticed how we were talking some days back about how I'd feel after I stopped taking the Aurorix. Do you remember? Well, that stuff has been out of my body for about 5 days now (it has an incredibly short half-life of just a few hours) and the bad news is that I DO feel worse than I did when I was on it. (So I've gone from horrible to extra-horrible). That seems to imply that MAYBE the Aurorix helped make my depression worse over the course of the trial, but maybe it didn't. Am I making sense?
The only thing I know for sure, is that I DON"T feel any better after stopping it, as some of the other posters had experienced. (Well, it's "water under the bridge now,"--we may never know for sure.)
I'm now smack in the midst of that transition period without ANY AD med in my system (assuming, of course, that all goes as planned and I start the Parnate next Monday.)
Today, I finished the very last of my chores at school for the academic year--turning in the grades-- and that was it. So now, that the contract is up, I'm technically unemployed. I came home in mid-day and hit the bed, sitting there utterly immobilized and couldn't shake myself to do anything. From there, it was the usual feelings of utter blackness and fear to no end. Even phone calls to my couplle of friends/colleagues did me no good, and I guess they're feeling totally pestered with me by now. And that 17 hour plane odyssey--I couldn't even begin to talk about my fears about surviving that.
You told me that I could post every day if necessary; and so I am.
Steve
Posted by IsoM on February 25, 2003, at 14:27:48
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 25, 2003, at 10:05:32
Hang in, cubbybear. Even if many posters said they felt better after they stopped Aurorix, it's not true for all. Don't know if you remember me mentioning my mood swings & extreme irritability, often rage, on Manerix (Aurorix) but when I stopped it, I went down further. Yes, it did help - but only marginally & only to give me a degree of motivation & energy but directed in the wrong way entirely.
Though you can't take SSRIs, I'm nicely stabalized now & can say for a certainty that the anger I felt wasn't "me". My life & outlook is completely diff now. It will be for you too.
Posted by LyndaK on February 26, 2003, at 0:25:25
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency, posted by cubbybear on February 25, 2003, at 10:05:32
> Hi Lynda,
> This note will be relatively short, compared to the last few. I don't have much to say tonight that I haven't said before, regarding my depression/anxiety torture. It just seems to be getting worse by the day.
>
> I just happened to re-read our entire thread of posts and noticed how we were talking some days back about how I'd feel after I stopped taking the Aurorix. Do you remember? Well, that stuff has been out of my body for about 5 days now (it has an incredibly short half-life of just a few hours) and the bad news is that I DO feel worse than I did when I was on it. (So I've gone from horrible to extra-horrible). That seems to imply that MAYBE the Aurorix helped make my depression worse over the course of the trial, but maybe it didn't. Am I making sense?
>
> The only thing I know for sure, is that I DON"T feel any better after stopping it, as some of the other posters had experienced. (Well, it's "water under the bridge now,"--we may never know for sure.)What we DO know is that it didn't HELP, and now that you're completely off of it your downward spiral continues -- probably not helped by the ending of your contract and uncertainty about the future.
>
> I'm now smack in the midst of that transition period without ANY AD med in my system (assuming, of course, that all goes as planned and I start the Parnate next Monday.)
>
> Today, I finished the very last of my chores at school for the academic year--turning in the grades-- and that was it. So now, that the contract is up, I'm technically unemployed. I came home in mid-day and hit the bed, sitting there utterly immobilized and couldn't shake myself to do anything. From there, it was the usual feelings of utter blackness and fear to no end. Even phone calls to my couplle of friends/colleagues did me no good, and I guess they're feeling totally pestered with me by now.When I was deeply depressed my friends couldn't cheer me either and I think that was very distressing to them. With my close friends, I would try, to the best of my ability, to explain what was going on with me -- the ILLNESS that depression is -- and that I held no expectation that they "cheer me up" -- that their PRESENCE (for a time) is all I really needed. I think once they understood that, it eased alot of the pressure they felt about "what to do with me". Of course I was also getting professional therapeutic support at that time (which, I know, is the piece you're missing right now) which also helped because I didn't have to depend on my friends for that kind of emotional support.
And that 17 hour plane odyssey--I couldn't even begin to talk about my fears about surviving that.
Is it non-stop, or do you have one or more stops/transfers on the way?
> You told me that I could post every day if necessary; and so I am.O.K. with me.
Keep hanging on, Steve.
Only 5 more days . . .
and counting.
Lynda
Posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 2:13:57
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 26, 2003, at 0:25:25
Steve,
I was surprised to see no new post from you. Are you still hanging in there?
Only 4 more days!
You can do it!
Still counting (and praying).
Lynda
Posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 2:22:37
In reply to Cubbybear; You O.K.?, posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 2:13:57
Hi Steve,
Well, something has changed on this board because I had to re-enter my password before I could post. Took me several tries to remember it. Hope you didn't forget yours.
I'll look for you again tomorrow.
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 27, 2003, at 3:14:41
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 26, 2003, at 0:25:25
> And that 17 hour plane odyssey--I couldn't even begin to talk about my fears about surviving that.
>
> Is it non-stop, or do you have one or more stops/transfers on the way?
> There's a three-hour layover in Taipei, probably the worst airport in the world for many reasons. So I have to sit around for at least three hours doing nothing. Can't read, can't concentrate on anything, can't eat, etc. Read my answers to your other posts to get up to date on my temporary absence.
>
Posted by cubbybear on February 27, 2003, at 4:31:04
In reply to Cubbybear; You O.K.?, posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 2:13:57
> Steve,
>
> I was surprised to see no new post from you. Are you still hanging in there?
I don't know........You can do it!
Maybe not..........
> Still counting (and praying).
I am too.Lynda,
This will be a long one so PLEASE hang with it and read all.
I didn't post for a day or so because I spent about 24 hours in the local hospital (which isn't really a top-notch place and for all practical purposes, they don't even have a psych dept. ) I went to this one because it's the only one covered by my employer's insurance policy and it's also close to home.
The situation started yesterday morning (Wed. morning here) when I spoke to my mother and she virtually ordered me to get to a hospital to get an I.V. for the fluids and nutrients I've been losing and also something for the constipation, which developed on Tuesday, from hardly eating.
So, from about mid-afternoon until this morning (Thurs.) I was there solely for a kind of physical rest. I got the IV, meds for the constipation (which has since lessened a bit) and I had a routine blood test, which came out OK. Amazingly, my blood pressure remains at normal levels like 110 or 120/70 or 80 amid the gut-wrenching anxiety, heart palpitations, and of course. . .the black hole of depression. So I stayed overnight. I ate a decent dinner there but of course they could do nothing for my mental torture and you can't imagine what it's like to be alone in a hospital with an almost insurmountable language barrier. (My spoken Thai used to be better, but has fallen drastically, since my self-study stopped about 1 year ago).. When I got home from the hospital in late morning (today, Thurs.) I was given a message that this guy Andrew had called. . I phoned him and learned that he was at the U.S. Embassy in Bangkok. My mother had calledthere to find out about my whereabouts so I told him to call her and tell her to phone me immediately.
She did, and said that she and my step father changed the plans around so that they would be at LAX airport waiting for me and they somehow arranged a drug shipment so that the Parnate would be shipped insured to their home, so it would be there when we got there. We would be flying there from L.A., a one hour flight. That would eliminatemy former plan of going by bus. God knows how much time and money and effort they have put into doing all they can to help me.
I know it all sounds quite nice, but my mother can't feel what I'm feeling NOW--2-1/2 days before the flight. She wanted my assurance that I would be at LAX, on that plane so she could be assured of our rendezvous. (I hope you're able to follow this).
She's going to phone again tomorrow to get my answer since tomorrow is the last day they can buy the plane tickets. I have to somehow come out and say, "Mom I'll be there," when I myself don't FEEL at all confident that I can do it. That will be the hardest part of the conversation.How in the name of God can I convey to you what it feels like now? I have plunged down so deep, I'm hovering over--dare I say it--vague suicidal ideation.
As I would tell it to a psychiatrist, my conflict and fear is this: I'm terrified of going to the U.S. because I fear that, for some reason, I will not be able to return here, and you KNOW already that I have to. You and everyone else says,, "You'll do it!!". Well, I don't know if I can even hold out this little bit longer and, assuming I do get to the airport here, I wonder if I can physically and psychologically endure the rigors of the trip.
THEN, assuming I get to the U.S., and get my meds, I fear that somehow, someway, it will be determined that I should go to a hospital, where some doctor will insist that I can't/should not go back to Thailand as scheduled. And if such a thing happens, I risk losing all my treasured belongings in my apartment, running out of my supply of Klonopin, and facing up to the agonies of cold turkey withdrawal. Do you see what I'm doing, Lynda? I can't sotop my worst-case scenario thinking I might as well be saying I'm terrified that God will let loose with a thunderbolt upon my head.
I didn't think it would be possible for me to sink even deeper, but it has happened, to such a point that even sitting at the computer--which just 2 days ago brought SOME measure of relief-- no longer does.
The bald facts remain:
If I don't get on that plane here, I'll never get the Parnate. And if I don't get the Parnate, I'm destined to continue going through this hell.
So I MUST go, and yet I'm also terrified of going--caught inside a no-win, no-way out feeling that there's going to be no positive ending to this, none at all, only catastrophe, my life finished.Assuming I get up that last ounce of courage and get on the plane and make it there, I feel I have a moral obligation to let you know I've done it. My mother's the kind who wouldn't want her phone number given out, so perhaps I'll be able to tell you all is OK from my uncle's computer--he and my aunt live 2 houses away from my mother. But we'll keep posting until it comes down to the wire. . .if I can survive the wait.
Oh, how I need God's help with this. I prayed last night, and said, "God, where are You? Please stop hiding from me.Come out and show me your face, show me that you won't let me suffer so much any more." So I keep on praying for a positive outcome,although I feel imminent doom all around me.
Sorry to have to lay all this on you.
But you said you would be here for me and I must cry so hard on your shoulder.
Steve
Posted by cubbybear on February 27, 2003, at 4:40:53
In reply to stopping Aurorix » cubbybear, posted by IsoM on February 25, 2003, at 14:27:48
Dear IsoM,
Thank you for your post. It's easy to forget that other people may be following my long, on-going thread with LyndaK. I'm in a black hole of depression that is like a knife cutting through me every waking minute.
Can you offer your own special brand of reassurance that even when people who feel they're on the edge of a cliff, will survive and get well again?
Posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 22:08:02
In reply to Re: Cubbybear; You O.K.?, posted by cubbybear on February 27, 2003, at 4:31:04
Dear Steve,
I was going to respond to each little piece of your post like I usually do, but then I decided not, because it all comes down to this -- you are SO depressed right now that you cannot make good decisions based on how you FEEL. In my opinion, you should just do what your mother tells you to do (for now). I applaude her efforts and believe she is doing everything she can to help you. The one thing she can't do is make you get on that plane (though I doubt that statement even as I say it -- she could probably figure out a way on that one as well!)
If you can walk, you can get on that plane -- that's all it takes.
If dealing with luggage is too much, then just take your paperwork and yourself.
Don't think about it.
It doesn't matter how you FEEL about it because that's all part of the problem right now.
JUST DO IT.I hope I'm not sounding too harsh.
I do mean to be direct.>
> Assuming I get up that last ounce of courage and get on the plane and make it there, I feel I have a moral obligation to let you know I've done it.Don't put any pressure on yourself. When I don't hear from you, I'll assume that you've made it, and will wait until you're "up and running" again.
But we'll keep posting until it comes down to the wire. . .
Yes. We'll do that.
> Oh, how I need God's help with this. I prayed last night, and said, "God, where are You? Please stop hiding from me.Come out and show me your face, show me that you won't let me suffer so much any more."I know you can't see Him or feel Him, but I assure you, He's there.
So I keep on praying for a positive outcome,although I feel imminent doom all around me.
Again, those feelings are part of the bigger problem. When the problem receives the proper treatment, those horrible feelings will begin to subside.
Trust me.> Sorry to have to lay all this on you.
> But you said you would be here for me and I must cry so hard on your shoulder.
> SteveAll I want is for you to feel GOOD again.
Get on that plane.
PROMISE.2 1/2 MORE DAYS . . .
and counting!
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on February 28, 2003, at 8:43:54
In reply to Re: Cubbybear; You O.K.? » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 27, 2003, at 22:08:02
Dear Lynda,
Won't have too much to say tonight. You need a break from me and my long-winded letters. Besides, it's late and I should be getting some food down my gullet right now.I managed to do some major money transactions and other errands today in preparation for the trip, despite the way I feel. In your previous post, you wanted my promise that I'd get on the plane, and I will give it to you. Admittedly, my mother wanted my promise also, and so you're actually the second person to get it. But at bottom, I'm most obligated to do this for myself, isn't that right?
That's all for now. Will try to post one more note tomorrow before leaving.
Steve
Posted by LyndaK on March 1, 2003, at 3:24:18
In reply to Re: Cubbybear; You O.K.?, posted by cubbybear on February 28, 2003, at 8:43:54
> Dear Lynda,
> Won't have too much to say tonight. You need a break from me and my long-winded letters. Besides, it's late and I should be getting some food down my gullet right now.
>
> I managed to do some major money transactions and other errands today in preparation for the trip, despite the way I feel. In your previous post, you wanted my promise that I'd get on the plane, and I will give it to you. Admittedly, my mother wanted my promise also, and so you're actually the second person to get it. But at bottom, I'm most obligated to do this for myself, isn't that right?Thankyou. Yes, that's absolutely right. But if you sense that you're giving up on yourself or losing hope then I would ask you to look outside yourself and depend on the strength and guidance of others. Sometimes a ship that is floundering in raging, storm-tossed seas needs a beacon of light to guide it in to safe harbor.
>
> That's all for now. Will try to post one more note tomorrow before leaving.
> StevePlease know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your journey.
Sincerely,
Lynda
Posted by cubbybear on March 1, 2003, at 3:53:38
In reply to Re: Cubbybear; You O.K.? » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on March 1, 2003, at 3:24:18
> > Dear Lynda,
But at bottom, I'm most obligated to do this for myself, isn't that right?Yes, that's absolutely right. But if you sense that you're giving up on yourself or losing hope then I would ask you to look outside yourself and depend on the strength and guidance of others. Sometimes a ship that is floundering in raging, storm-tossed seas needs a beacon of light to guide it in to safe harbor.
Sounds very poetic, philosophical.. . .Hopefully, it won't get to that--where I start losing hope.
Today, I actually did my packing and got a few misc. other things done. My close friend/colleague, Robin, (who actually lives nearby with a Thai girlfriend), invited me over for dinner tonight, so at least I don't have to go through the hassle of dinner by msyelf. He said he's going to give me a copy of a recent Time magazine featuring articles on mind affecting body.
(I think it's the same one I saw on-line and actually downloaded one article from it.) Anyway, maybe I mentioned his name before. He has survived depression that brought him to hospitalization, so he has always emphathized. Long story here--won't bore you with it.
>
> Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your journey.
thanks for everything you've done and said. I pray that our future communications will be about things that are good or improving.
>Steve
>
Posted by LyndaK on March 1, 2003, at 17:53:27
In reply to Re: Cubbybear; You O.K.?, posted by cubbybear on March 1, 2003, at 3:53:38
> Today, I actually did my packing and got a few misc. other things done. My close friend/colleague, Robin, (who actually lives nearby with a Thai girlfriend), invited me over for dinner tonight, so at least I don't have to go through the hassle of dinner by msyelf. He said he's going to give me a copy of a recent Time magazine featuring articles on mind affecting body.
> (I think it's the same one I saw on-line and actually downloaded one article from it.) Anyway, maybe I mentioned his name before. He has survived depression that brought him to hospitalization, so he has always emphathized. Long story here--won't bore you with it.I'm glad you have a friend there who can relate to what you're going through.
> >
> > Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your journey.
> thanks for everything you've done and said. I pray that our future communications will be about things that are good or improving.I very much look forward to that.
God's strength and peace be with you.
Lynda
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