Posted by cubbybear on February 21, 2003, at 10:08:55
In reply to Re: For LyndaK--depression emergency » cubbybear, posted by LyndaK on February 20, 2003, at 22:52:35
> > > I had a feeling that might be a fear you were having.
> > How were you able to know or sense that?
> I don't know. Maybe just taking your stated fears one step further (i.e. "what if I can't get the Parnate" to "What if I get the Parnate and it doesn't work?")
That's a major part of my problem, fearing the worst, always thinking "what if this, what if that?" Constant worrying about the future and the most dire consequences. I "learned" this conditioned behavior from my mother, who I think acquired it from her father or mother. In any case, now that i do it so much, it's making my mother nuts (shoe's on the other foot, I guess) and my pdoc sees this as an integral problem in my personality that just exacerbates the depresssion. It creates a vicious cycle. Case in point--last week I went to the dermatologist for that folliculitis. It's a common problem and he said it would resolve itself in 3-5 days. Well it did, but naturally yours truly had gotten into this state of fear that It would necessitate subsequent expenses and hospital visits. In my mind, I made it out to be a whole lot worse than it was.
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> . He has admitted many times to being not a good father and yet has never seemed capable of changing to make up for all the lost love and time.
> I felt the pain-of-parenthood with that statement.
Of course, I never meant to trigger painful feelings within you. I imagine that this kind of thing is common everywhere--lots of people whose parents were not physically or emotionally around when they needed them. In fact, I KNOW it's common.
> I'm not sure that I'm trying to tell you anything here, it just brought forth some intense feelings and memories for me.
Again, I didn't mean to evoke any pain on your part. I just wanted to confide about the pain I experienced in my childhood and adolescence.
> It sounds like you have a very supportive family, Steve. That's a really good thing.
Of course it is. But you've heard only one millionth of one percent of it all. My relationship with my family for the most part has been one of incessant misunderstandings, pain, hard feelings, bitterness, alienation, etc. etc. It's too bad that it has to take a major crisis (i.e. mine) to bring everyone together in a show of unity.
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Received an E-mail from my mother this morning. The pharmacy in West Hollywood informed her by phone that they have the whole Parnate Rx ready for my pickup. Sounds super efficient to me.
Now, let's play with numbers here:
1000 tablets (10 bottles of 100 tabs each) will cost me approx. $680. My math skills are awful, but that comes out to 68 cents per tab, right? Does that sound cheap or expensive to you. How does it compare to the cost of your Remeron? (I have this feeling that the MAOs are a LOT cheaper because the market is so small and the big drug companies are making trillions on the SSRIs, Remeron, Serzone, etc., etc.. I know when I was taking Remeron and than later, Zoloft, I was paying exactly HALF here of what Walgreens was quoting online.