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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 27 to 51 of 75. Go back in thread:
Posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:37:41
In reply to Re: Thanks everyone..., posted by Dinah on January 16, 2003, at 12:35:21
No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 17, 2004, at 10:14:14
In reply to Urge Plan Tools Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:37:41
> No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
>
>I've babblemailed you. Please answer.
Lar
Posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:48:30
In reply to Re: Urge Plan Tools Suicide » corafree, posted by Larry Hoover on October 17, 2004, at 10:14:14
Lar, I'm sorry but I deleted your babble because I was afraid, didn't know your name. I'll see if it is still in my deleted files. Do you have a problem w/ suicidal ideation (seems like I go 3 to sometimes 4 months w/o), as I do? cf
> > No one here. Panic attack. Pls respond who has experience with sky-high anxiety in response to boyfriend slam door behind him, broken heart, fear, sad, angry, burden on those few left that you love, alone or feeling extremely lonely, PTSD, BpersonD w/o severe psychotic symptoms, daggers of invalidation, inability to learn, consider finished work on earth, too ill now, raised them well to be wise young adults. No crisis lines opens, all busy. Panicking!!!! No med to help. No $ for hospital. Plan, tools, place. Those that identify, show me you are out there please...it's dark here. Corafree
> >
> >
>
> I've babblemailed you. Please answer.
>
> Lar
Posted by Larry Hoover on October 18, 2004, at 19:31:44
In reply to Re: Urge Plan Tools Suicide » Larry Hoover, posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:48:30
> Lar, I'm sorry but I deleted your babble because I was afraid, didn't know your name. I'll see if it is still in my deleted files. Do you have a problem w/ suicidal ideation (seems like I go 3 to sometimes 4 months w/o), as I do? cf
That's okay, though babblemail is about as safe as anything could be.
I do get suicidal, ya, but I was just trying to reach out, once I saw your message. I bet you I could do better than one of those hotline people.
Lar
Posted by rayww on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:10
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:43:36
raised them well to be wise young adults.
You did good then. I read somewhere today that every person has a gift. Every single person. Your gift can pull you through if you let it. I think you know what it is.
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:11
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by rayww on October 17, 2004, at 0:03:49
But it was my life's dream that I would be their rock. I have given, but still want to give to them.
My daughter just had a baby and because I am 'undependable', some days good, some days bad, when I offered to come to her place and care for the baby when she first begins work, she didn't like the idea.
But, but, but ... always some reason for me. Even reading my own writing, I see myself a person who has given up. And there again, so unlike me.
Things have hurt too much. There is so much fear where my heart is. As for love, there is so much in me that it brings tears to my eyes. I've loved everyone who has loved me and been hurt very very badly and laughed 'til the cows come home. I don't know how to spell know.
Am I getting this here?
thank you cf
> raised them well to be wise young adults.
>
> You did good then. I read somewhere today that every person has a gift. Every single person. Your gift can pull you through if you let it. I think you know what it is.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:11
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:43:36
Hi there, it sounds like you are having a hard time of things at the moment. Do you have a clinician that you can talk to - a T or something?
I know that sometimes things can seem hard and that there seems to be little hope that things will improve. I know that when I am in that place the absolute last thing that I want to hear is 'things will get better' as it invalidates my distress. But it is true.
Sometimes all we can do it try to take simple pleasures in the moment, like pets, baths, walks, etc.
I do hope that you hang in there and that things get better for you soon.
You are in my thoughts.
a_k9
Posted by nicolas on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:12
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by alexandra_k on October 17, 2004, at 18:52:14
If you are still feeling suicidal please check yourself into a hospital.
I can't know exactly how you are feeling but I have experienced despair. I have rebuilt my life slowly this last year. Right now, if you are still in crisis, you need to get yourself to a safe place ... given time your agitation will pass and then from there it will be one day at a time. But please, if you are still making plans you need to get in a safe place now.
Posted by rayww on October 19, 2004, at 1:23:12
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » rayww, posted by corafree on October 17, 2004, at 18:28:38
You have the gift of love, and because you love so much, you also feel deep pain. God loves too, and understands your pain. Lean on Him, not just in your trials, but also in your love. I know God lives, and I know He loves each one of us.
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:01
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:48:11
My god...we are here.
I can hear your panic and hope that my little voice can reach you.go to a place in your environment where you feel safe.
Okay, take a deep breath and try to relax your body.
Start with your feet and tell them to let go of all the tension stored in them...let go and breath. then go up to your ankles and do the same. Each time inhaling and picturing yourself letting go of the tension. Go through your body till you get to the top of your head. Pay attention to your face and relax the muscles in your jaw, around your eyes....Okay once you are into being more relaxed.
just breath and know we are here.This helps me with panic, fear and desperation.
In my personal experience....when hard things happen I need to wait a while to make any decisions...things have a way of changing given enough time.I too have been on that edge.
Please keep reminding yourself that you really don't have to do anything right now.
What's the rush?
Pain is hard to go through but sometimes we just have to let it wash over us and then let it move on.
It does leave...
remember that.
keep breathing into the pain...
just feel it and let it go.Please keep talking and posting.
My thoughts are with you today.
Jai
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:08
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by Jai Narayan on October 17, 2004, at 9:48:07
Tks for the session Nai. For me, being such an extremist, I think I've always tried to inhale too much air. It's better I breathe in a small amount slowly and calmly, yep, works much better,..printing this.
> My god...we are here.
> I can hear your panic and hope that my little voice can reach you.
>
> go to a place in your environment where you feel safe.
> Okay, take a deep breath and try to relax your body.
> Start with your feet and tell them to let go of all the tension stored in them...let go and breath. then go up to your ankles and do the same. Each time inhaling and picturing yourself letting go of the tension. Go through your body till you get to the top of your head. Pay attention to your face and relax the muscles in your jaw, around your eyes....
>
> Okay once you are into being more relaxed.
> just breath and know we are here.
>
> This helps me with panic, fear and desperation.
>
>
> In my personal experience....when hard things happen I need to wait a while to make any decisions...things have a way of changing given enough time.
>
> I too have been on that edge.
>
> Please keep reminding yourself that you really don't have to do anything right now.
> What's the rush?
> Pain is hard to go through but sometimes we just have to let it wash over us and then let it move on.
> It does leave...
> remember that.
> keep breathing into the pain...
> just feel it and let it go.
>
> Please keep talking and posting.
> My thoughts are with you today.
> Jai
>
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 19, 2004, at 1:27:10
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » Jai Narayan, posted by corafree on October 18, 2004, at 18:43:48
Dear Sweet Corafree,
I am so glad you are breathing.
Sorry if my message is...
My heart is in the right place.
I do care.
Jai
Posted by daisym on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:29
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora,
Take it 15 minutes at a time. During those minutes, breath deeply and slowly. Try to empty your mind of these negative emotions, go to a safe calm place in your mind.
Breathe in. Breath out.
Breath in. Breath out.
You do not know that your work is finished, how can any of us know that? Maybe your purpose is to distract me from my own pain tonight...to make me reach out and acknowledge that someone still needs me.Are you still breathing in and out?
I'm going to send this now. Watch for the next one.
DaisyLet me know you are reading, if you can.
Posted by daisym on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:30
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
More...
I have lots of experience with anger being thrown at me. And it sets me off too. You have to learn, like I do, to shield your core vulnerable self from the verbal darts being hurled your way. We can't let our selfworth go up and down based on someone else's mood. I'm telling myself as much as I'm telling you.
I wanted to also say that money doesn't matter at all if you aren't here. You should call 911 on yourself when you feel this way. Hospitals have programs for people without insurance or the means to pay. There ARE people to help you.
In the meantime, keep breathing and trying to find your center. I know you feel all alone in the dark, but you aren't. There are many sad souls with you tonight, each feeling what you are feeling. You just have to make up your mind to keep trying.
Take it 15 minutes at a time. You can do this. Call for help if you really think you can't.
I'm saying a prayer for you. I hope you feel it.
Daisy
Posted by shortelise on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:30
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Hey Cora,
Are you there
Posted by shortelise on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:31
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
I hope you are ok. I am going to sleep now as you are not responding. Take care.
ShortE
Posted by Aphrodite on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:31
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora, It's Sunday morning. Are you there? I hope things look differently in the light. I've been where you are, and it's so painful, but it doesn't last. You don't want your life to end; you want the misery to end, but you're overwhelmed right now.
I hope you're not responding because you've gone to the hospital or at least to friends or family. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:32
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Corafree,
I'm sorry I wasn't around last night. Daisy had wise words for you.
The hospital will help you even if you have no money and no insurance. It sounds like you really needed help last night. I hope that you found it.
Please let us know how you are doing today.
Posted by shrinking violet on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:34
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Oh Cora, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I hope you're all right, and that you received the help you needed. Let us know.
Posted by Poet on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:35
In reply to Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide, posted by corafree on October 16, 2004, at 23:41:40
Cora,
I'm so sorry that you were all alone in that dark place. I'm sorry that I wasn't on line to help you, but Daisy's advice was wonderful. I hope you followed it.
Please let us know that you are okay. Many of us have been in that cold dark place, I know I have. We care about you.
(((((((Cora))))))))
Poet
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:36
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » corafree, posted by daisym on October 17, 2004, at 0:40:18
Yes reading, trying to calm myself, but distracted by my heart racing...anxiety like a demon choking me so breathing difficult to control. Whoa, and the panic has settled inside me like it's right at home. I will try to think positively and go slowly. I see more posts below and sorry if not replying quickly, but this is kind of difficult. I'll be back. THANK YOU cf
> Cora,
>
> Take it 15 minutes at a time. During those minutes, breath deeply and slowly. Try to empty your mind of these negative emotions, go to a safe calm place in your mind.
>
> Breathe in. Breath out.
>
> Breath in. Breath out.
>
>
> You do not know that your work is finished, how can any of us know that? Maybe your purpose is to distract me from my own pain tonight...to make me reach out and acknowledge that someone still needs me.
>
> Are you still breathing in and out?
>
> I'm going to send this now. Watch for the next one.
> Daisy
>
> Let me know you are reading, if you can.
>
Posted by gardenergirl on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:37
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » daisym, posted by corafree on October 17, 2004, at 19:22:14
Cora,
I'm glad you posted so that we know you are hanging in there. Can you call your doc? Hopefully there is a medication that can help you with the panic. In the meantime, like Daisy said, just breathe. That's one thing you can do that is in your "tool bag". Breathe in through your nose, using your diaphragm, so that your belly rises with each breath in. As you exhale, do it slowly, through pursed lips as if you were blowing out a candle gently. Try to make the exhale part last longer and longer until it lasts for at least a count of four. The more you can focus on and slow your breathing the less panic your body can produce.Take care!
gg
Posted by corafree on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:39
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » corafree, posted by fallsfall on October 17, 2004, at 9:38:19
Hey, sorry not responding, feeling very slow and fearful. I've written a sort of summary of events that led to ideation and how I dealt with it. I just could not afford a hospital bill, not even a $50 one to pay in the future. I want my children to be left w/ as little as possible of my debt, if any. Guess I am not sure how long I can hold on. Again, my anxiety is so high, but you're right, it'll go down sometime, but I need a 'little kudo' to bring me up from someone I know. W/o you all I don't know that I'd be free to take care of myself and do as I need, whereas in hospital care, I would not be allowed to take my pain medication and would be miserable. My summary follows:
Physical pain, rejection, devastation, fear of abandonment, and so sick of this constant reoccurring cycle, feeling that death had to be better. No open lines at crisis. They almost make me feel worse; sharing w/ complete strangers bring out my obstinant behavior. No friend except a nonstop talker who has a bipolar illness.
Events leading to 'NEEDING A WAY OUT':
My only support, youngest daughter, since my dad's passing, out of town. She is my only advocate and validates my mental and physical illnesses.
She and her husband are going in debt for me; physical issues, medicine, transportation. I do not qualify for AHCCCS in my state. I am $40 over the poverty level. I lost 10lbs when dad died, but can't get food stamps, so not gaining back.
My first born daughter kept me at arm's length Thur after giving birth to first baby. I'm in tears believing every hormonal face slap she slings at me.
A new man, I was falling in love with, and the man I thought my father, who passed in Feb, sent me for a 'buddy', walked out on me, slammed door in anger that same evening. I'm dumped again (or did I dump?). Alone. Oh no, not again? I'm always alone again!
After being unable to reach crisis, listening to friend's rapid speech, posting here and there on DB, I resorted to calling the last person available, my ex (abusive) husband. I needed comfort or else! He let me lie beside him, cry about daughter dejecting me for her newborn and the father, cry about no one loving me (not explaining the rejection by the new door-slammer), cry about financial no-win situation and putting my other daughter in poorhouse, cry about growing old alone, cry about being bad. He just said 'it's okay', 'everything will be alright', 'oh, that's not true' as I whimpered like a little dying bird. Tremors, fast heartbeat, panic, and shallow breathing subside. Fell asleep. Upon waking, thankful to be alive and happily not in cervical pain. I know you can guess the price I had to pay for this comfort the next morning?! We'd been married 13 years; children think of him as dad. They really have three, but one is a hermit in Alaska. Such a life worth living?!
Posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:41
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » fallsfall, posted by corafree on October 17, 2004, at 21:15:07
Corafree,
Are you online right now? I am in Open. Do you want to join me? Do you know how to get there? Please post if you need help getting there. We can chat.
I'm going to read your post now. But I wanted to let you know that I'm online.
Falls.
Posted by fallsfall on October 19, 2004, at 1:39:43
In reply to Re: Urge,Plan,Tools - Suicide » fallsfall, posted by corafree on October 17, 2004, at 21:15:07
Corafree,
I sent you Babble mail. I'd like to talk to you.
Falls.
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