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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 156 to 180 of 233. Go back in thread:
Posted by LynneDa on March 29, 2004, at 12:27:06
In reply to (((Geri))), posted by sfmom on March 29, 2004, at 11:37:23
Hi Geri - it's very good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well.
You are not weak just because you need help getting through this time. I know it feels embarrassing, I've struggled with that thought too. But, I really urge you to contact one of the numbers Lyssa gave you.
Great news that you tried the self-medication route and realized it was a bust. There's nothing like getting it over and done with early in your life instead of struggling with it way into adulthood :-). Please don't beat yourself up over that. It's over and done with. Everyone I know has gone thru some sort of "experimentation" stage. Your sister probably will in college if she doesn't do it in high school.
Your friends. People have a hard time sticking by someone who is going through a hard time. They don't know what to say or do. They may be confusing your depression with stand-offish-ness. They just may not know how to read you or what to say or do. They are dealing with their own issues and may not have any extra energy to give to you. Teens (and people in general) are fearful of people who make different choices. Your choice to party probably did push them away. I would talk to them and tell them you know it was wrong, it was a phase and now you're done with it. You may have to take the first step with this. Sometimes people don't want to be close to a person who is struggling emotionally because it reminds them too much how fragile they are as well. It's like they're afraid it will rub off on them!!
Try not to take it too personally, because you'll only end up being disappointed! I'm not trying to be negative, but realistic. Please realize how strong you are on the inside. Don't give up trying to reach people. Someone will eventually click with you and be able to listen and share their own struggles. You just haven't found him or her yet.
Geri - Can you list out what the issues are right now in your life? Just feeling depressed? But what does it lead to or what are the causes. If we are going to attack and fix ourselves, we have to know what we're dealing with. Feeling like everything you do is wrong? Keep a journal about your decisions and actions. Are they really that wrong? Is there really nothing you do right? Who defines right and wrong for you? What are the motivations behind your actions - maybe those are okay, but they were just misperceived and maybe you can explain or write in a note what you really meant.
These are the kinds of things you can talk over with a counselor, once you've unloaded about feeling blah, depressed, etc. They will take things event by event and help you unravel them. Right now, it feels like you've got this big tangled ball of yarn and it's hard to see where things begin and end and how to get it all straightened out, isn't it?
I really wish I could be there in person to talk to you face to face or take you to someone anonymous! Talk therapy really does help sort things through. It takes the pressure off, gives you something tangible to work on in your life.
Please keep writing. I loved your poem. It hit the nail on the head for many people, I am sure. I'm sorry you feel alone and betrayed. You are not weak, you are wise because of your experiences and introspection. We just have to get you through your agony so you can enjoy these years in your life!!! YOU are important!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on March 30, 2004, at 16:37:37
In reply to (((Geri))), posted by sfmom on March 29, 2004, at 11:37:23
I have had several talks with a few of my friends... The one well she tried to blame the world on me, make it seem like it was all my fault. She told me that i was supposed to be the smart one for them to turn to when they wanted to make a mistake. They wanted to use me as a scapegoat... they don't know.. i tried to explain to them what was going on but she didn't want to hear it. "I'm making excuses for my life that i am ruining". She doesn;t want to listen, she wants to hurt me.
THe other friend, she has been the most understanding. but today when i talked to her she called me a liar and walked away. How can i tell these people when they don't want to hear it.
My sister, yeah well i could tell her but there are many reasons holding me back. She is naive, she won't know what to do, so she will go to my parents. I don't want that, or i would tell them myself. If she doesn't tell them she well say something to someone else. She has done that. My whole "self-medicating" situation, she went and told the whole school. That is what caused a lot of problems.
I don't want to make excuses that is not what im trying to do. They just don't understand.. i can't trust people for a reason.
How can i open up to others when i can't to my dad. I have talked about him before, but things have gotten worse with him. I could deal with him, but my mom can't. She has mentioned divorse and leaving and everything. He doesn't respect us at all... i can't even look at him in the face.Do you know how hard that is.. i hate him soo much that i hate myself. Everyone that i have ever put my trust in has hurt me. I don't want to take that chance anymore. I just don't.
Yeah i could tell a teacher, but i can't. She has been worried about me for a while. She already expects that i am depressed. She has sent me to the principals office over it. I didn't say anything because i know it will only hurt me. I am trapped, trapped in this world that won't allow me to see good. Im trying soo hard to relize that its not my fault that i fell this way. I don't want to admit to the world that i have a problem because i can't even admit it to myself.YOu don't know how many times i have looked at sharp objects then down at my wrist. Sometimes i feel so dead inside i just need some proof to let me know other wise. I don't want to kill myself... i don't. But sometimes i think about it.. i know that i will never do it.. but i think reall hard. I don't want to run, but im not ready to let them know. Its been over a year and im still not ready. Im trying to fill one gap at a time, but another one just appears.
Writing here does help fill a void... I know that i have lived life a lot more in one year then others have their whole life. I know that i still have a lot og growing up to do, but i also know that i have a lot of living to do also. One of my biggest problems is i don't forget. I often live so far in the past i don't see the present. Im tring i really am.
Posted by LynneDa on March 30, 2004, at 16:57:19
In reply to Re: (((Geri))), posted by geri122 on March 30, 2004, at 16:37:37
Geri - Wow! You have done a lot of reaching out and have been turned down in many ways. I'm proud of you for hanging in there. I know the situation with your Dad is unbearable and I'm so sorry to hear that. Be glad you can get out of it in another year or so. It sounds like your Mom needs to make a choice if your Dad isn't going to change. You are not him, you will make different choices and will conduct your life in a totally different way.
I understand that you don't want to talk to the principal, since he knows your Dad. I understand that the issues are so sensitive and not everyone can keep them confidential. That makes it harder. I hate it that you feel you are stuck.
Question: What is it that your friends don't believe? The reasons why you started partying and/or that you won't do it anymore? Or just that much of your behavior stems from being depressed and you're just reaching out for anything that might make you feel better?
Another question: Do YOU feel like you're doing anything to ruin your life? That is the most important question.
You sound stronger, more sure of yourself. I think you're going to be okay in the long run. You are in a search, a struggle to find your way. Everyone has bumps and bruises, and big gashes even, while they're on the path to adulthood. Like Lyssa and I think fallsfall said - don't grow up too fast. Take it at your own pace. Do what you have to do to get by. Even when it seems like you're miserable and not gaining any ground . . . trust me . . . you are learning and growing and things you go thru now will make more sense later. That's the best I can tell you - a professional counselor would be so beneficial for you at this point! He or she could really help you work thru your issues and determine good, healthy responses to your various situations. I wish there was a way for you to have that.
You're going to do okay, I can feel it!! I wish you peace and love little one, you deserve it!!
~ Lynne
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Posted by geri122 on April 5, 2004, at 16:17:41
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on March 28, 2004, at 19:54:49
I have tried to reach out that is my problem. I try to explain to them what is going on through my head but they don't seem to care. I thought i knew these people, i thought we were friends, but i guess i was wrong.
I only have one more year of this "hell" then i can get away from everything. I know that that won't make the problems go away, but it will help.
I just do't want this to affect my life anymore then it already has!
Posted by octopusprime on April 8, 2004, at 10:42:08
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 5, 2004, at 16:17:41
geri -
reaching out is *never* the problem. you have to do what is best for you, and you carry too heavy a burden to shoulder all on your own.
that said, some people are not strong enough to help you carry your load. and it may not be that they don't care, it may be that they don't understand or they don't know how to show that they care or they don't know what to say or do.
it's hard, it's disappointing, and i have felt that disappointment when i have reached out to others and got the cold shoulder or a blank stare and nod in return. it hurts.
but keep trying. there *are* supportive people that want to help you. we want to help at babble. your teachers and health-care workers want to help. there are support groups that can help you. and your parents might want to help (though family is difficult, they don't always understand either, as you found with your sister)
you're on the right track by reaching out, even though it is hard you. please keep trying and moving forward. we're rooting for you.
Posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 9:34:12
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by octopusprime on April 8, 2004, at 10:42:08
I have heard both the positive and negative sides to turning to someone for help. I know that all of you in some way know what i am dealing with, that is why it is so easy, also, im not face to face with you. I don't know how to say it. I place them into words and give them to someone, but that makes it easier for them to pretend nothing was said. I have seen it all. At the age of 16 i have seen and dealt with it all. Death, rage, hatred, distruction, depression, and yes i have even seen love. When you see life you don't always see it as you want. That is normal. But when you see your life as a thing you don't want to live you have a problem. i know that i have things that i need to face, but there are things i personally need to do before that. I have tried to deny all of this for so long a part of me still does not want to believe. I don't really understand what is going on through my head, i should before i expect others to. No one in life is perfect and i know that, but why do i find myself wishing to trade lives with so many others???
Posted by LynneDa on April 13, 2004, at 10:29:44
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 9:34:12
Geri -
You sound so confused and sad, I wish I could give you a big hug and say something that would make it all make sense to you. Please remember one very important fact: everyone has their demons, some people are just better at hiding it than others. You may wish for another's life, but what you're really wishing for is just the face that the person puts on for the world to see!!!What you need to focus on is: how are we going to get Geri into the frame of mind she wants to be in? How are you going to accept the things in your life you can't change and change the things about yourself (mainly your perceptions and expectations, I think) that you can.
That is the question a counselor can help you with. I so wish you could just go and chat with your school counselor. He or she could give you some directions, some sense of boundaries and can let you know that many of the feelings you are having are shared by many teens your age! You don't have to get into the fact you hate your dad (by the way, most kids your age hate their parents, that is a normal part of human development . . . if kids didn't go through that, they'd never leave home!!!)or the specifics about your emotions. Just telling them that you're confused and in turmoil may help. I know it helped me to talk it out with a neutral professional who helped me to see the trees within the forest - not just the big picture forest that seemed so dark, hurtful & scary.
Can you share with us the things you feel you need to take care of before you can work on your issues? Maybe we can help.
If you're out of denial and recognizing that you have a problem, that is a big step. You definitely are on the next level of getting better sweetie and we're all here for you!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I have heard both the positive and negative sides to turning to someone for help. I know that all of you in some way know what i am dealing with, that is why it is so easy, also, im not face to face with you. I don't know how to say it. I place them into words and give them to someone, but that makes it easier for them to pretend nothing was said. I have seen it all. At the age of 16 i have seen and dealt with it all. Death, rage, hatred, distruction, depression, and yes i have even seen love. When you see life you don't always see it as you want. That is normal. But when you see your life as a thing you don't want to live you have a problem. i know that i have things that i need to face, but there are things i personally need to do before that. I have tried to deny all of this for so long a part of me still does not want to believe. I don't really understand what is going on through my head, i should before i expect others to. No one in life is perfect and i know that, but why do i find myself wishing to trade lives with so many others???
Posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 17:45:40
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by LynneDa on April 13, 2004, at 10:29:44
The whole hating my dad, it's just you know you get to a point where hating some one hurts you more then you ever thought. I can't sleep.. im tired all the time but i can't sleep. It is soo hard to keep that smile on my sometimes. I mean how can i? I've lost some of my best friends because of this "problem". I need them because when i wanted to do something bad to myself all i had to do was think what would they do if the found out. I know that won't always work, i mean i have done some things that hurt myself.. but thats life. Now i can't think that because they aren't there. Its hard. i mean yeah you win some and you loose some, but not this way, not now.
You don't know how bad i want to turn to someone, but its not easy. My school and my life isn't what you think. My dad is a well known man, they all know him therefor know me. I turn to them they will go straight to my dad, legal contract or not. My dad can;t and won't know. NEVER! you guys don't know him. YOu don't how many times i wish he would hurt me, hit me, something physical because then i would have a real reason to hurt, a real reason to hate him. How sad is that. YOu guys are prob. going to say i have a real reason to hurt... to me i don't. I can deal with physical, but not emotional pain. THere have been times where it hurt so much i cut myself. I know that that is not a way to help but it gave me a real reason to cry. I sat there and said to myself that is what hurt, i can;t do that emotionally. I tried to drink it away. Make my problems drown away, but i didn't work, made things worse with my friends. but i can't say i won't do it again. THat is scary, I don't want to die. i don't.. but i already have. I have already died inside!
Posted by LynneDa on April 14, 2004, at 9:23:41
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 17:45:40
Geri honey - I am so sorry for all your pain!! I understand about wishing your Dad would hurt you so you'd have a reason to cry. I felt that way about my ex-husband. He was very abusive emotionally, but how could I tell my friends I wanted to leave him when he wasn't beating me or anything physical, tangible. It was hard to explain to people. So, I do get that!
I also understand about your Dad being well-known. Information is power and people want to be able to supply information to someone in a power position like your Dad. They think there's something in it for them and you could become a pawn. But, you may get to the point where it will be worth the risk.
The cutting thing - I've heard a lot of people on this board do it to relieve pain & stress. I've never done it, but I know it is more common than I ever imagined. I think it's an addictive or obsessive behavior so please be careful.
Is there any way at all that you could get to a doctor in another town who could prescribe something for you? You are at that point Geri. You need something more than what this Board or your own ability to think things thru and handle things can offer you.
For the not sleeping, this sounds terrible to recommend to a minor, but have you tried taking one antihistamine (like Benadryl) or a tablespoon of cough medicine? They can make you sleepy. Sleep is so important in dealing with stress.
Sweetie, the great thing about life is that you get a lot of second chances. You say you feel like you've died inside. I don't doubt that. But, you can re-create your life and get over the pain of this time. Please just try to make it through this next year. Once you can distance yourself from your Dad, go to college and meet a huge variety of people, you may feel better and/or you can get the help you need. Are you planning on college?
{{{{hugs}}}}
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The whole hating my dad, it's just you know you get to a point where hating some one hurts you more then you ever thought. I can't sleep.. im tired all the time but i can't sleep. It is soo hard to keep that smile on my sometimes. I mean how can i? I've lost some of my best friends because of this "problem". I need them because when i wanted to do something bad to myself all i had to do was think what would they do if the found out. I know that won't always work, i mean i have done some things that hurt myself.. but thats life. Now i can't think that because they aren't there. Its hard. i mean yeah you win some and you loose some, but not this way, not now.
> You don't know how bad i want to turn to someone, but its not easy. My school and my life isn't what you think. My dad is a well known man, they all know him therefor know me. I turn to them they will go straight to my dad, legal contract or not. My dad can;t and won't know. NEVER! you guys don't know him. YOu don't how many times i wish he would hurt me, hit me, something physical because then i would have a real reason to hurt, a real reason to hate him. How sad is that. YOu guys are prob. going to say i have a real reason to hurt... to me i don't. I can deal with physical, but not emotional pain. THere have been times where it hurt so much i cut myself. I know that that is not a way to help but it gave me a real reason to cry. I sat there and said to myself that is what hurt, i can;t do that emotionally. I tried to drink it away. Make my problems drown away, but i didn't work, made things worse with my friends. but i can't say i won't do it again. THat is scary, I don't want to die. i don't.. but i already have. I have already died inside!
Posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 9:08:16
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by LynneDa on April 14, 2004, at 9:23:41
I thought i could trust my mom. Out of everyone in my family i thought i could trust her. The other day i went out to spend the night at my friendsm, just relax. Well come to find out that night she went through my stuff and read my journal. There are thoughts in there that no one knows, now she does. She broke the only trust in someone i had. I expected it from my dad but not from my mom. She knows everything.. and she still thinks i want to talk about it, Is this good. Hell no... my thoughts have been envaded. I will never be able to write anything down again. My head will become even more crazy. What do i do. You know last night i wanted to be mad at her but all i did was think about her feelings. What about mine. Do mine not count anymore. Aparently.
I do plan to go to college and get away. I want to go to Westminster, but now that i look at it, its not far enough away!
Posted by LynneDa on April 16, 2004, at 9:35:39
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 9:08:16
Geri - Your feelings count the very most, you're her child and she's desperate for answers as to what is going on with you and what should she do to help you. I know you feel very violated. I know how my journal reads & I would be mortified if anyone else read it!!! It may take you some time to get over this betrayal and that's okay.
I'm sure she sees the change in you over the past year or so and is scared to death. It was wrong of her to do it. But, now that the gate is open, what's the next step for the 2 of you? She knows all so what's the point of pretending anymore. The ball is in your court.
I know you're mad at her and I would be in your position too. Maybe you need to tell her what you want her to do to help you. That is what I would want if I were her. This could just be the chance you need to start getting some help sweetie!
You need to keep writing. I know that's what kept me on track when I was younger. If you talk to her about your issues or write things specifically for her to read, she won't feel the need to sneak around behind your back.
Give her a chance. She may be smarter and more insightful than you think. And she loves you, more than anyone else on this planet. A Mom's love is the most powerful and amazing thing I've ever experienced. I would move heaven and earth to help my daughter get better if I knew what I could do. Believe in that, please!!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I thought i could trust my mom. Out of everyone in my family i thought i could trust her. The other day i went out to spend the night at my friendsm, just relax. Well come to find out that night she went through my stuff and read my journal. There are thoughts in there that no one knows, now she does. She broke the only trust in someone i had. I expected it from my dad but not from my mom. She knows everything.. and she still thinks i want to talk about it, Is this good. Hell no... my thoughts have been envaded. I will never be able to write anything down again. My head will become even more crazy. What do i do. You know last night i wanted to be mad at her but all i did was think about her feelings. What about mine. Do mine not count anymore. Aparently.
>
> I do plan to go to college and get away. I want to go to Westminster, but now that i look at it, its not far enough away!
Posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 11:29:51
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by LynneDa on April 16, 2004, at 9:35:39
Im sorry, but right now i just can't do that. I don't care if she was worried or desperate. She broke the only trust in the world i had and she will have to pay for that. Im not going to just forgive and forget. Your right she is my mother and she loves me, but if she really loved me she would have respected me and my personal belongings. She didn't, why should i give her the respect and open up. If i wanted her to know i would have told her, i didn;t therefor i didn't want her to know. She is my mother and i don't want to hate her, but right now... all i want to do is cry.
Posted by LynneDa on April 16, 2004, at 11:42:05
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 11:29:51
I understand. Crying is okay for now! I hope you can get over your pain and anger at her eventually. I also wish I could get a younger person to respond to you; they may have better perspective. I guess the Mom in me gets in the way of remembering how I felt when I was your age. Maybe you should think about why you don't want your Mom to know how you feel - why it wouldn't be an advantage to you in the long run.
Hang in there kiddo! I care what happens to you and will continue trying to think of a solution. Keep posting and we'll see if we can't get you through some of this, okay?
~ Lynne
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Im sorry, but right now i just can't do that. I don't care if she was worried or desperate. She broke the only trust in the world i had and she will have to pay for that. Im not going to just forgive and forget. Your right she is my mother and she loves me, but if she really loved me she would have respected me and my personal belongings. She didn't, why should i give her the respect and open up. If i wanted her to know i would have told her, i didn;t therefor i didn't want her to know. She is my mother and i don't want to hate her, but right now... all i want to do is cry.
Posted by sfmom on April 16, 2004, at 13:29:48
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 9:08:16
Ahhh, that really sucks Geri! I would be furious if my mom ever read my journals. Well, for all I know she may have and I just never found out about it, since she used to even open mail addressed to me! You have every right to feel violated because you have been--both your personal space and your trust have been violated. Go ahead and be mad at your mom right now, you won't stay mad at her forever. But LynneDa is right about a mother's love. It is stronger than almost anything. Yes, your mom crossed a line. But she did it out of concern for you, not to punish you but to help you. Geri, your mom loves you so much that she would be willing to have you mad at her so she could get some insight into how to help you. In fact, I bet your mom would even take your hate if, in turn, you got the help you needed. Moms can't take the pain away from our kids, but if we could, we would endure the pain a thousand times to spare our children. Just keep that in mind.
But, my concern really isn’t with your mom, it is with you. So, can you tell us what happened? Did you get home and your mom confronted you and told you she read your journals, or did you see that someone had been in your room and ask her? Also, what did she say? Was she upset? Angry? Sad? Did she tell your dad? Geri, it’s done now and noone can change that, let’s focus on what we can do to make it better. Now that she knows, do you want to try talking to her about it? If not, I bet you could make a deal with your mom that you talk to a therapist instead of to her for now. Your mom loves you more than anyone, I don’t condone what she did, but I do understand it.
Please write soon to let us know what’s going on. We’re pulling for you Geri!!!
> I thought i could trust my mom. Out of everyone in my family i thought i could trust her. The other day i went out to spend the night at my friendsm, just relax. Well come to find out that night she went through my stuff and read my journal. There are thoughts in there that no one knows, now she does. She broke the only trust in someone i had. I expected it from my dad but not from my mom. She knows everything.. and she still thinks i want to talk about it, Is this good. Hell no... my thoughts have been envaded. I will never be able to write anything down again. My head will become even more crazy. What do i do. You know last night i wanted to be mad at her but all i did was think about her feelings. What about mine. Do mine not count anymore. Aparently.
>
> I do plan to go to college and get away. I want to go to Westminster, but now that i look at it, its not far enough away!
Posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 16:50:39
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by LynneDa on April 16, 2004, at 11:42:05
I got home from my friends in the afternoon, went on with my normal buisness, never suspected anything. I went with her to go pick up my sister, We were a little early, so i guess she thought it would be the perfect time. She replied, "I have a problem". Then says i know that you went out parting. i repeatedly asked who told her, then she replied i read your journal. My heart dropped. I don't care that she knows that i went out , its the fact that my heart and soul is in that book. I don't want to talk about it, i don't want to dicuss it. No she did not tell my father and i hope she never does. Maybe one day io will be able to talk about it with her, but i can;t trust her, i can't, im not going to open up to her either, not at this moment at least.
It is hard to sit here and tell you how i feel, because i don't know. Im angry, upset, betrayed, every emotion in the book. I can tell you, but not them, do you know how much that hurts. Do you know how much it hurts to now not only hate my father but my mom. She wants to talk about it, but i don't. Now she might even be punishing my sister in return, not allowing her to spend the night at a friends house. I don't want to go out anymore, im not even going to my own prom. I don't have a boyfriend.. (even thought i like a guy and he likes me back. Even asked me out) because i don't have the energy. I want this all to end! EVERYTHING!
Posted by LynneDa on April 16, 2004, at 17:06:30
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 16:50:39
Big hugs to you honey! I know you're hurting. Let the dust settle, get over this in your own way. Don't make any decisions on how you're going to feel about it or handle it until you've let a few more days pass. I'm sorry you are so hurt and let down. I really hope you come to a point where you can talk to your Mom about your issues. Also, maybe she didn't really read it word for word, just enough to get the gist of what you'd been doing. Hang in there sweetie and talk to you next week. Chin up!!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I got home from my friends in the afternoon, went on with my normal buisness, never suspected anything. I went with her to go pick up my sister, We were a little early, so i guess she thought it would be the perfect time. She replied, "I have a problem". Then says i know that you went out parting. i repeatedly asked who told her, then she replied i read your journal. My heart dropped. I don't care that she knows that i went out , its the fact that my heart and soul is in that book. I don't want to talk about it, i don't want to dicuss it. No she did not tell my father and i hope she never does. Maybe one day io will be able to talk about it with her, but i can;t trust her, i can't, im not going to open up to her either, not at this moment at least.
>
> It is hard to sit here and tell you how i feel, because i don't know. Im angry, upset, betrayed, every emotion in the book. I can tell you, but not them, do you know how much that hurts. Do you know how much it hurts to now not only hate my father but my mom. She wants to talk about it, but i don't. Now she might even be punishing my sister in return, not allowing her to spend the night at a friends house. I don't want to go out anymore, im not even going to my own prom. I don't have a boyfriend.. (even thought i like a guy and he likes me back. Even asked me out) because i don't have the energy. I want this all to end! EVERYTHING!
Posted by fallsfall on April 16, 2004, at 18:45:59
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 16, 2004, at 16:50:39
Geri,
There is no way your mother should have read your journal. I don't blame you for being mad. I'm sure she does want to talk to you, but I also can really understand why you don't want to talk to her.
Tell her that you are angry and that you don't want to talk to her. But do ask her to get you an appointment with a therapist - she can do that without letting your dad know, I'm sure. Or she can tell your dad that she knows that you have some issues, but you don't want to talk to them - you want to talk to a therapist.
You've hesitated to go talk to anyone because you didn't want your parents to find out. Well, they did (at least half of them did). So, please go talk to someone who can help you.
And if you don't like or don't trust the first person you meet with, ask to meet with someone else. There is nothing that says you have to keep seeing whoever you see first. You are in charge here. Take this opportunity and get some help.
Or even ask her to make an appointment with your regular doctor, if you like him/her. They can help you proceed from here.
Please let yourself get the help you need.
Posted by geri122 on April 18, 2004, at 18:27:40
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by fallsfall on April 16, 2004, at 18:45:59
I have decided to talk to my mother. There is no way around it. It all needs to be said, the good and bad, how i feel and what i need. I have to think about myself and my health. I can't run from this. You guys have given me the strength to do this. You have rashionalized my thoughts. Before i started posting here i thought my world had ended. I thought that i was the only one who felt this way. Its funny where some people find their strength. I always thought no one cared, you don't even know me, but yet you know my deepest thoughts. Throught the fights, and urges i had to stop my life from going on you were here. I know that my problems aren't over, and maybe never will, but haveing the knowledge that im not alone really helps. Im not to the point where i can be completely open with the world, but baby steps rights. This has opened my world. There will always be those dark moments, but i will always know someone is out there to help me through it all. If its not those at this site or a friend or family member, someone is out there, and i will find them. Thank you for being there.
Baby steps right.... slow and steady always wins the race.
Posted by sfmom on April 18, 2004, at 20:51:16
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 18, 2004, at 18:27:40
Geri, I am so proud of you!!! I can't really think of anything else to say because I'm sitting here crying, but I am just so glad that you realize that you are not alone. I wish you all the luck in the world when you talk to your mom. It's going to take some hard work, but you will come out the other side of this. Give your mom a break too, if she says or does something wrong. She's never been through this either! But I know that you love each other, and that counts for more than anything. I'm sending you my prayers and my love. Let us know how it goes as soon as you're able to write, okay?
Love, Lyssa
Posted by fallsfall on April 19, 2004, at 7:13:23
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 18, 2004, at 18:27:40
Good for you, Geri!
When you talk to your mother, imagine us standing around the two of you in a circle, protecting you and cheering you on (I'm the one with the pompoms...)
Let us know how it goes!
Posted by LynneDa on April 19, 2004, at 13:08:22
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » geri122, posted by fallsfall on April 19, 2004, at 7:13:23
Geri - I am so happy you made your decision!!! My eyes actually got a little misty with "happy tears" as my daughter calls them! Lyssa's right - it may be a little hard at first to get the words out and explain exactly what you mean. And your mom may not know the exact right thing to say either. But, it's a start and it will move you in a forward direction at least.
Like Fallsfall said, we'll be with you during your talk because we do care. You are so insightful about yourself and have the ability to look at things squarely in the eye and know what you're dealing with. You will get through this.
Let us know how it goes! I feel like we're your 3 fairygodmothers from Sleeping Beauty :-).
Love, peace & hugs,
Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Good for you, Geri!
>
> When you talk to your mother, imagine us standing around the two of you in a circle, protecting you and cheering you on (I'm the one with the pompoms...)
>
> Let us know how it goes!
Posted by AuntieMel on April 20, 2004, at 16:49:13
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 18, 2004, at 18:27:40
Jeez Louise. It feels like I'm looking through a looking glass at my life as a teenager.
Want to swap dad stories?
Mine added physical (whipping) abuse to the emotional abuse. The emotional abuse stays with you so much longer.
Sounds like you've got one (dad) like mine. Just no pleasing him so I quit trying. Example - to my sister he would say 'you work hard, too bad you aren't as smart as your sister' To me he said 'you are smart, too bad you are lazy' My little brother didn't have a chance.
It's amazing the kids didn't grow up hating each other, but at least we had a common enemy.
If he's anything like mine, it won't change. Putting others down was his way of dealing with his own insecurities - making himself feel better than others.
It can be adjusted to, though. It takes quite a bit of will power (yea, i know - right!) but what helped me was to remind myself that I don't have the power to changes others, but I do have the power to change the way I react to them. Much easier said than done if you've been made to feel inferior.
I hope things go well with you and your mom, but there's good chance that she, like my mom, is also afraid to speak up. Not fear of being hurt, but (and it's so difficult to explain to someone who hasn't exprienced it) the fear of being manipulated - having your own words turned against you.
Or maybe I'm just spewing with my own experience and it isn't at all like yours.
But, there are so many rays of hope out there. I ended up finally finishing up college after working my way through night school for years. That got me the best job in the world. I've been to some major cool places in my work (Poland, many times, England many times, China many times, Croatia during the Bosnian war, Australia, Italy and others) plus one, in my opinion, stinky place
(Kazakhstan), though I maybe thinking that because I was out in the boonies where foreigners are decidely not welcome.And with therapy, 30 years later, I'm finally starting to make headway on the "dad thing."
AuntieMel
Posted by geri122 on April 22, 2004, at 16:53:40
In reply to Re: Baby Steps » fallsfall, posted by LynneDa on April 19, 2004, at 13:08:22
my mom and i discussed some stuff, got some things out in the opening. THere are still somethings that need to be said that haven't, but time will only tell. Concerning my whole dad thing... i know that i can;t change him, i kno wthat i can only control myself and my decisions. I need to make good ones, i need to get out of here and explore the world. Im sorry that i made you cry... its just you know sometimes the words you see on paper are more real for those who understand. I have tried to say those same words to others and they just didn;t understand. THank you for understanding.
Before i thought my world caved in,i thought that i could not excape, but now that i have seen the world, i've found that i can succeed. My feelings and emotions will never go away, me pushing them away made matters worse. I can;t say thank you enough. I know that you guys will always listen (or read). I know that even if u can't answer them or be here in person i know u care, that is all that matters. U guys are angels from above, without u i don't know if i would be here today. THey say everything happens for a reason... maybe this happened to me to allow me to see outside the box.
Well anyways thanks. thanks a lot
I will write soon. BYES
Posted by LynneDa on April 22, 2004, at 17:02:07
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on April 22, 2004, at 16:53:40
Wow, really insightful stuff Geri!! I am really proud of you for seeing the silver lining underneath the black cloud. You not only got through a very rough patch, but you now realize first hand that growing means you sometimes have to go through a lot of manure first - and you can survive . . . and will actually thrive - I can see it!
You've made the first steps with your Mom. More will come out as time goes by and that's the normal flow of things. I'm really glad we could be here for you. You're a good and precious young woman and I'm very glad you're still here :-)!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>my mom and i discussed some stuff, got some things out in the opening. THere are still somethings that need to be said that haven't, but time will only tell. Concerning my whole dad thing... i know that i can;t change him, i kno wthat i can only control myself and my decisions. I need to make good ones, i need to get out of here and explore the world. Im sorry that i made you cry... its just you know sometimes the words you see on paper are more real for those who understand. I have tried to say those same words to others and they just didn;t understand. THank you for understanding.
>
> Before i thought my world caved in,i thought that i could not excape, but now that i have seen the world, i've found that i can succeed. My feelings and emotions will never go away, me pushing them away made matters worse. I can;t say thank you enough. I know that you guys will always listen (or read). I know that even if u can't answer them or be here in person i know u care, that is all that matters. U guys are angels from above, without u i don't know if i would be here today. THey say everything happens for a reason... maybe this happened to me to allow me to see outside the box.
> Well anyways thanks. thanks a lot
> I will write soon. BYES
Posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 19:27:27
In reply to Re: Baby Steps, posted by geri122 on April 22, 2004, at 16:53:40
Geri,
You have done a really great job. I'm so glad to see some optimism in your post. You do have a wonderful life ahead of you.
It is so true that pushing emotions away just makes things worse. Many people never learn this - it will help you thoughout your life to know this.
I hope that your mom can continue to be a helpful part of your life. And I hope that a realistic view of your dad will make things easier there, too.
You have been through a lot of pain, but you have certainly learned and growed as a result.
My best wishes for your future.
Check in once in a while. I'd like to hear how you are doing.
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