Posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 17:45:40
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know! » geri122, posted by LynneDa on April 13, 2004, at 10:29:44
The whole hating my dad, it's just you know you get to a point where hating some one hurts you more then you ever thought. I can't sleep.. im tired all the time but i can't sleep. It is soo hard to keep that smile on my sometimes. I mean how can i? I've lost some of my best friends because of this "problem". I need them because when i wanted to do something bad to myself all i had to do was think what would they do if the found out. I know that won't always work, i mean i have done some things that hurt myself.. but thats life. Now i can't think that because they aren't there. Its hard. i mean yeah you win some and you loose some, but not this way, not now.
You don't know how bad i want to turn to someone, but its not easy. My school and my life isn't what you think. My dad is a well known man, they all know him therefor know me. I turn to them they will go straight to my dad, legal contract or not. My dad can;t and won't know. NEVER! you guys don't know him. YOu don't how many times i wish he would hurt me, hit me, something physical because then i would have a real reason to hurt, a real reason to hate him. How sad is that. YOu guys are prob. going to say i have a real reason to hurt... to me i don't. I can deal with physical, but not emotional pain. THere have been times where it hurt so much i cut myself. I know that that is not a way to help but it gave me a real reason to cry. I sat there and said to myself that is what hurt, i can;t do that emotionally. I tried to drink it away. Make my problems drown away, but i didn't work, made things worse with my friends. but i can't say i won't do it again. THat is scary, I don't want to die. i don't.. but i already have. I have already died inside!
poster:geri122
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040406/msgs/336078.html