Posted by AuntieMel on April 20, 2004, at 16:49:13
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 18, 2004, at 18:27:40
Jeez Louise. It feels like I'm looking through a looking glass at my life as a teenager.
Want to swap dad stories?
Mine added physical (whipping) abuse to the emotional abuse. The emotional abuse stays with you so much longer.
Sounds like you've got one (dad) like mine. Just no pleasing him so I quit trying. Example - to my sister he would say 'you work hard, too bad you aren't as smart as your sister' To me he said 'you are smart, too bad you are lazy' My little brother didn't have a chance.
It's amazing the kids didn't grow up hating each other, but at least we had a common enemy.
If he's anything like mine, it won't change. Putting others down was his way of dealing with his own insecurities - making himself feel better than others.
It can be adjusted to, though. It takes quite a bit of will power (yea, i know - right!) but what helped me was to remind myself that I don't have the power to changes others, but I do have the power to change the way I react to them. Much easier said than done if you've been made to feel inferior.
I hope things go well with you and your mom, but there's good chance that she, like my mom, is also afraid to speak up. Not fear of being hurt, but (and it's so difficult to explain to someone who hasn't exprienced it) the fear of being manipulated - having your own words turned against you.
Or maybe I'm just spewing with my own experience and it isn't at all like yours.
But, there are so many rays of hope out there. I ended up finally finishing up college after working my way through night school for years. That got me the best job in the world. I've been to some major cool places in my work (Poland, many times, England many times, China many times, Croatia during the Bosnian war, Australia, Italy and others) plus one, in my opinion, stinky place
(Kazakhstan), though I maybe thinking that because I was out in the boonies where foreigners are decidely not welcome.
And with therapy, 30 years later, I'm finally starting to make headway on the "dad thing."