Posted by Susan47 on August 15, 2005, at 18:00:50
In reply to Re: Rant » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on August 15, 2005, at 8:37:54
It's been over a year for me and I still yearn for this man. But unlike you, Ada, I never had him. My need is completely and only that; a need. It's wrapped up in love, but it still is need. I feel so terrible thinking that I have nothing to offer but myself and it wouldn't ever be good enough.
Last night I heard the train whistle, and I wanted to die.
Today I came home after work, and I wanted to die.
I still do.
Death is bliss, there's no more pain, no need, no rejection. I know damn well why I'm like this. I know I'm completely in transference with this therapist, I'm glad it's a therapist and not an ex-lover. But maybe an ex-lover wouldn't have been the same gentle, kind, handsome and clever person this man is. And maybe a lover would've been easier to get over.
I really want to die. How sad to wish this life over when it has never really been lived.
poster:Susan47
thread:541792
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/542074.html