Posted by Susan47 on August 15, 2005, at 0:33:50
Tonight, it's warm out and in spite of the slight breeze there's a headiness about the atmosphere, something thick and lovely lies there, like a memory of romance. I loved you so much. I wanted you and I needed you, I did anything and everything I could to have some contact, some small crumb of acknowledgement when what I really wanted was all of you, to be completely a woman, and it will never happen, you don't want me, I'm not good enough for you, and it hurts damn it, it hurts like you wouldn't believe, I feel mortified and embarrassed and I still want you so much, and for no reason that I can fathom other than this feeling, this feeling that is making me a crazy person, this feeling that's controlled me for so long that I'm no longer the person I was before I knew you, I'll never be her again, and I actually think the misery I was living before I met you is better than now, better than having to love you, better than wanting you, your skin touching mine, better than wanting what another woman already has, a woman who would hate what I feel, a woman who would shun me as fast as she could slam a door, a woman who could make me feel like a pure slut for desiring you so much. And you, you who stand by her with all your moral purity; who are you, really?
poster:Susan47
thread:541792
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/541792.html