Posted by alexandra_k on June 2, 2005, at 5:13:15
In reply to Re: I just want to cry, posted by alexandra_k on June 2, 2005, at 5:02:37
and i just wish it would stop
and i could forget about it
BECAUSE THERE ISN"T ANYTHING I CAN DO
and because nothing is going to happen
and i just need to accept that.
and sometimes it isn't so bad and i just feel sad
but then sometimes i feel really bad
and sometimes im so f*cking mad i wont say what im tempted to do...
and i just want to forget all about this
forget it ever happened
forget that some peoples lives are different
and i just want this to go away.
and i don't understand that if that is supposed to be my coping strategy
to just give things a little push and then out of my mind they go...
if that is supposed to be my coping strategy then why doesn't it work like that and why doesn't this go away and why cant i just forget all about this???i feel really scaired because i don't know what is to become of me.
and i understand when people say that they are tempted to do something drastic so that something happens something changes because people just seem to need a wake up call that i am not alright and i need some help.
(not people here and i will be okay but this is what i think sometimes)...
and i can feel myself getting low again...
but I know i just have to get through one more week
and do the marking
cause I've had too much time off this semester already.
but then when the pressure is off i think i probably will lose it or collapse or something
and i have no earthly reason to believe that things are going to get any better for me in the near future. and so in a way i am pretty crazy for thinking about going somewhere to study. to try and make a committment to that. because it is so very f*cking likely that i'll have a breakdown or something and make an *ss of myself and not even complete it. and so what the hell am i doing?????maybe it is time to have a holiday properly.
go on the sickness benefit
and just potter around uni attending whatever...
get that formal letter out of them,
and get the process rolling along...
if all goes well i could get to see someone...
if the inquirey goes in my favour.
two years for the inquirey...
then treatment for how long???
we only asked for one year.And then what?
I don't know
I have no idea
I odn't think i want to be doing this anymore
it is too hard
and i feel sad
poster:alexandra_k
thread:503517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050513/msgs/506716.html