Posted by TexasChic on October 14, 2004, at 22:01:23
In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » jujube, posted by jujube on October 14, 2004, at 17:36:01
I don't guess I consider myself an alcholic, but I do have a big problem with self control. When I do drink, its to excess. In the past year I experienced blackouts for the first time. People would tell me things I said that I couldn't for the life of me remember. There were times I didn't remember driving home or anything else past a certain time of night. The funny thing is I really don't like drinking that much. I rarely do it alone. But when I'm out partying with people, I have no limits.
What I do like to do alone is smoke pot. When I have it, I can't not smoke it. If I want to watch a movie, clean the house, go to the store - hey, its all more fun stoned. When I'm smoking, I feel like I'm going crazy if I run out.
Recently I hit rock bottom: lost my job, put myself in severe financial debt (there's that self control thing again), lost all my friends, and just basically felt like I was losing my mind. Since I don't really drink alone, and I had to stop the pot because of pre-employment testing, I suddenly had no choice but to become sober and face what my life had become. Its been enlightening to say the least. For one thing, I now know I won't go insane if I have to spend time alone with just my own company while sober. In fact, I've learned to relish my time alone. I can't believe how good I feel just to be living life sober and enjoying it. I just don't know how to hold on to this new found strength and enlightenment. I'm afraid as soon as I let my guard down, I'll be back in the same spot. I know the self control problem hasn't gone away, I've been replacing alcohol and pot with binge eating. My apartment is a pig stye and I can't seem to get myself to clean it up. So I know I'm just replacing certain things with slightly less harmful things.
Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this, but I thought I would try to share.
poster:TexasChic
thread:402905
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/403177.html