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Re: Partlycloudy

Posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2018, at 18:02:10

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy, posted by alexandra_k on September 28, 2018, at 17:49:37

the grading thing...

i thought that she was fair minded and stuff but now i guess i see that she just didn't care. just pass them all and they will come back next year and we will get more money. that seemed to be the idea. so they hand in work late, great. i guess that's how they build a solid graduate school of people doing all the crappy jobs nobody else wants for low pay.

i don't trust her ability to be professional and that is sad because I (wanted to believe) that she was professional, before. i don't trust her to be able to sit down somewhere quiet and focused and actually read what i have to say with an open mind trying to understand it. I think it more likely that she'll be multi-tasking and skimming and will jump to a conclusion that i haven't explained well enough if she's missed something.

i think that her skimming largely absent mind will mean she will overly focus on things that are most easy to attend to. that means she won't be focussed on the ideas or on understanding but she will be focused on the superficial aspects like whether there seems to be an appropriate number of references on the page or whether i hvae full stops in the references in teh appropriate place.

i think now about how much time i spent grading. about how i often had the suspicion that i spent more time grading (and writing comments) than my NZ students spent writing their essays. but i alwasy thought: But I'm the one being paid, here, and what are the costs of my being wrong? I was always really very concerned about not crediting a student appropirately for work they had done (e.g., because they had brought in ideas from another course that were hazy to me because I hadn't studied it). I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.

I guess all this means I do feel that I have deserved or earned things that other people have not.

I know some other people don't have work spaces where they can engage in focussed work.

I know some people lack teh cognitive capacity for focussed work.

Some people don't have ideas really, at all. Does that mean I should be failed because it's not fair that I do?

This whole thing is awful.

The Dean was professional. I don't know that I trust examiners / the examination process, though. We learned that my supervsor thought that she basically had the final say and if she thought it should fail then she'd simply tell the externals that and they would collude. Or if it was passed to them they would assume that it should be passed because the supervsior thought it was okay. It turned out that she was... Just passing the things that came to her, in other words. I told her that I passed her undergrads without penalty when they submitted late like she said. Because I was working for her. But it burned, rather, becuase I worked my *ss off as an undergrad to get my work in - on time.

And now I think she's... Experimenting? With this new-found 'professionalism' to... Use her power to... Try and undermine my completing / being done.

I don't know.

I have manged to conduct myself well. Mostly because I've had here to dump on. (((pc)))

I do not think it is a good idea to process stuff with people IRL. I just don't. I think it makes boundaries /professionalism muddy and unclear. I know people here don't trust me because I don't engage in gossip / dumping with them... I thnk their gossiping / dumping with each other IRL means they have more trouble with professinalism IRL, however.

It is the separation....

The veil of ignorance when it comes to getting on with the f*ck*ng gjob and grading things on their merits and so on.


It is hard because I need to hand in something I know is not perfect. The hard thing is wehther the Dean will sign off on whether I have done enough or not. So far I have been impressed by her professionalism. Also her... She's got that other thing where after having talked to her people behave more professionally. My supervisor. Me. I think she's a good one. Yeah. It's just a... Scary time. Yeah.




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