Posted by alexandra_k on September 8, 2014, at 3:19:48
In reply to Re: break, posted by alexandra_k on September 8, 2014, at 3:00:52
relaxing enough to be friendly...
i feel...
traumatised. i guess i've felt that way for a long time... that's probably why i suspected i had some kind of trauma disorder...
then quitting smoking... and the sensory world seemed... traumatic. disorganised and overwhelming, yeah.
and weightlifting was organising. when i couldn't focus on much of anything... nothing like a heavy bar on your back to focus you. nothing like fear of... being squashed. to focus you.
and the weight was... soothing. in helping me focus. same for any intense effort, really. bike. or elliptical. or whatever.
tech was traumatising... the kids... playing. mostly... flirting. the idea that what it was about was 'building social confidence'. the aim being to turn us into confident and flirty gym bunnies so we would be most popular so we would attract most clients so we would attract enough clients to be viable personal trainers in the gym.
not me.
skin fold assessments... within the context of flirty... and i couldn't. i just couldn't. i just couldn't.
and then physio... i didn't get started really... but getting a general sense of it. seeing there was a bit of a tension... seeing that the way it was largely going over this part of the world and more especially in the institution i was focused... was more massage therapy customer satisfaction flirty... and again... i just couldn't. to hear the dean be totally dismissive / not understanding of sensory processing difficulties... to have her thinking i was being a whiny little princess.... not understanding... being told that hard or special cases weren't dealt with really until grad school... that of course we had to model for each other because otherwise how would we learn???
contrast: you are asked to consider and sign a consent form to model for other students. if you decline then tutors are not allowed to penalise / disadvantage you.
professionalism: built right in from the start.
so i can relax...
thinking of infants... it being a big deal. me and all the wide eyed only child asian 18 year old boys who have never held a baby... contrast that with the kids with 13 brothers and sisters. many of whom they helped raise 'just get on in there'...
it is going to be okay. if i get a place. i am scared. most important thing: work hard. don't let the stress / pressure get to you. EVERYONE talks about how first year is freaking awful and they would hate to have to do it again... just get through it... do okay... okay... that's all yuo need to do... be persistent and reliable... and it will all be okay.
i think it will be okay enough fo rme to relax a bit. i guess that is what i'm saying. i need friends to have the odd drink with. the odd laugh. i do...
i'm doing okay... but i'm a little bit lonely, yeah. i am. i think that is good. a good thing. yeah.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140828/msgs/1070904.html