Posted by alexandra_k on September 5, 2014, at 17:18:49
In reply to Re: med curriculum, posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2014, at 20:54:08
it made it seem real. that's what it did. it gave some insight into the proper nature of the course... the proper nature of the job... and so some time for me to process things a bit... to also read between the lines a bit... and think about whether i do want this or not. how much i want this...
and i really really do want this. and i think i could potentially be good at it. and if it turns out that the whole whirlwind thing of short rotations and busy hospitals is something i can only do in a time limited sense... then that won't make me oh so very different from all those people who decide that they do want to be GP's in rural communities after all. for the lifestyle. though... apparently that is where the real shortages are... and sounds like people clamor a bit for things like ER in big hospitals.... or maybe it is more about proportions of positions to people applying or something like that.
i think what i liked most was feeling that... concerns i had... were answered. that makes me feel like other students over the years had same concerns as me. about what to wear, whether this or that was acceptable. about placements about whether i really had to go to placement here or there about whether i could swap about whether there might be any kinds of grounds for getting a different placement. about how many sick days you can have and about what hours you are expected to work. all these sorts of things... and about how the pediatrics thing worried me a lot... then the thought of me (or probably a bit of a team of us, really) following along various appointments of a pregnant woman... through delivery... through some childhood development... thinking of holding a baby for the first time in that kind of context... that seems... manageable. i guess i did worry that i might simply be confronted with pediatric rotation early on and simply be expected to pick them up and move them about etc etc. but they don't just expect that. phew. huge load off. i kind of want to say 'of course' but my experience with physio and sport sci has led me to realise that you can't simply expect other people to have similar standards of... what is easy / hard... of... propriety or appropriateness, even... and prescribing... not until very late down the track. and same for ordering labs and discharging and the like. helps me feel... protected, again. makes things feel safer. more manageable.
worst case... you get a nightmare horrible placement for... 6 weeks. that's the longest placement. then you get bundled out of there and moving on... and early on... you probably have other students you can hide amongst... theatres you can go hold instruments in, or something...
i see that it really is a vocation... there is a bit of a tension... the students saying that they are treated like crap here. mostly that junior docs can get more money for shorter hours overseas. the senior people getting better and / or more equipment or support staff who are much happier for their shorter hours / higher pay. etc.
and the government. how it is an honor and a privileged to be selected to train. and this feeling that student docs are asking for the earth, really. that they are already given so very much. the government contributes a great deal towards the cost of the training... most expensive degree for the government (also the student) etc etc.
i think... the biggest thing... the hugest f*ck*ng thing of all... is that there is never any shortage of jobs for docs. i mean... never. that is... the very best job security there is. and the job is about helping people. thinking... government workers have job security. i think... security through changes in government. but a lot of their work is paper shuffling b*llsh*t. i know that a lot of doctors feel that their work is increasingly becoming full of paperwork b*llsh*t... but they do get to do front line stuff. most people... a huge number of people... have some kind of crisis at some point in their life about not feeling like their life has meaning / that they are or can make a difference. i think that medicine... well... it is different, like that. and psychologically etc... it is a wonderful thing.
i see that if you don't know different (if your parents are docs and you go from school to med school to working as a junior) then you might be full of 'buy my parents has their nice house within 20 minutes of the big city hospital before they were 35' or whatever... and if you are young of course you want to go off to do your OE... and of course you want to live in the city...
anyway... rambling... sorry...
it does suck to be starting over... really... it is what i wanted... but i forgot this feeling of... being afraid about whether i had the ability to succeed. i honestly don't know whether i can get the grades that i need next year. that scares me. i guess i honestly did think that i had plenty of general smarts and it would be enough to get me through. because... well... clearly i started spending too much time with the kids at tech and that other university... a more more at home now... and a bunch of kids are freaky smart. possibly... too smart for me (at science). sigh. grading critical reasoning... it comes fairly easily for me... law seems miles and miles and miles and miles harder. familiarity... practice... from where i am... i simply can't comprehend (for example) grading physics tests... and finding them similarly straightforward.
still... this really was what i wanted. i think it is good to take time to be grateful. espcially because... my life is going very well (according to me), actually. it is important to remember that. i am freaking lucky to have this opportunity. i am freaking afraid that i will blow it by not doign well enough... but still... having the opportunity is... well... what i most wanted. in life. to have the opportunity to do this. wish i was a bit better prepared... but in many ways i am... i have learned a lot this year... abotu how i learn and so on... anyway... sorry for the rant... back to the grading...
i'm feeling a lot more empathy for them... especially when (for instance) they do so much worse than chance on certain aspects (like multiguess). that awful feeling of getting all tied up with it... just like how i felt in my last physics test. sigh.
:)
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140828/msgs/1070818.html