Posted by Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe on January 8, 2008, at 17:46:19
In reply to Re: I REALLY need your help...almost suicidal (**trigg » Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe, posted by Kath on January 7, 2008, at 20:56:35
> Dear Jay - I am so sorry you're in such awful pain.
>
> I've copied Dinah's post because I think it is SO wise & I totally agree:
>
> What do you like to do? A hobby can give you a group of people to hang out with. If eventually you meet a girlfriend through it, that's a bonus. But if you give of yourself, you'll likely get something back.
>
> A while back, a woman from a group I was involved with died. When she died, she had no family. But there were more people at her funeral than I've ever seen. She'd given a lot of herself to the group, and she was much loved and appreciated.
>
> There are a lot of different paths to a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to get there. Letting go of expectations or the belief that you must have xxxx in order to be happy. In the end you might get xxx after all. Or you might not. But you can build a worthwhile life, either way.
>
> You know, on a dating site, they don't get to know you, experience your vibes, see the sparkle in your kind smile, etc, etc. I think being involved in a dating site might sometimes be almost masochistic!!!! That being said, that's where my daughter met her partner & they're really happy & I know of other such cases.
>
> BUT - hey! - if you figure out stuff to do in real life that you can enjoy, you can be actually doing something interesting WHILE you're in the market to meet someone.
>
> In life, in general, often it's only when I've 'let go' of something & sorta chilled out about it, THEN it's just come along.
>
> Now, saying that, when my ex left, I was pretty frantic to meet someone. I put an ad in the paper; answered ads in the paper. Guess how I met my husband? I contacted some old aquaintances to see if they wanted to go to hear some jazz. That led to going skiing together on one of their daughter's birthdays; that led to hubby & I saying 'hey that was fun, let's do it again' & that blossomed into a fun skiing friendship that extended outside skiing & eventually turned into LOVE!!!
>
> I agree with Dinah's comments Jay.
>
> I send my warmest wishes to you.
>
> Haven't read the rest of thread yet; only the first 2 entries.
>
> luv, Kath
>
Kath:Thanks kindly for the post. One of my problems though is that I don't really have even many 'friends' IRL to go out and do stuff with, or a trip with. One of my last remaining "friends" likes to call me maybe 1 to 2 x's max a year, and avoids me like I am a disease. I think he see's me as being some overweight loser who lives at home (like most do....ha!!!!) I know...actually I honestly admit deep inside myself, I know that what appears is not what seems. I am a very big-boned guy at 5'-11", and yes look like I could lose some, but certainly not like anything "horrific"...lol. I am well off financially, make good money, but am very, very insecure about buying a home or condo until I have *guaranteed* full-time work with my pension plan, benefits, perks, all that stuff. I am within a step of that...and will likely happen this year. I just don't, and won't, be the type of person who goes around explaining myself to everybody! Why should I? Maybe if I was in a long-term relationship. But, I REALLY hate it how 'acquaintances seem to always try to one-up themselves with some kind of bragging, or how great they are because of this or that. I call that b*llsh*tt*ng!..lol. And I smell it a mile away!
Anyhow....hey thanks for the mention of your friend. I can babblemail you my plentyoffish.com info if you'd like. Funny, but most replies I do get are "Interesting profile...but.."...usually followed by a) "I don't want kids" (I never said it was a must) b) "we live too far away" (you said we lived close enough in your profile.).
Maybe I should just put a simple ad up.."Man wants woman. I am a mountain climbing backstabber and will do anything to get what he wants. You will understand and not question this." Ha...
Best,
Jay
poster:Jay_BrAvEsT_FaCe
thread:804721
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080104/msgs/805167.html