Posted by alexandra_k on January 5, 2006, at 16:47:31
In reply to Re: Too afraid to get help » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbix2 on January 5, 2006, at 6:08:52
> > Yes. And it can be hard to watch. Well... It isn't so hard to watch when you don't care about the person... But it can be hard to watch when you do care about the person.
> I don't think the level of caring is an issue I was addressing, I can'measure that, and I suppose if you don't care it wouldn't be so hard, but not getting frustrated, can also be an aspect of experience and education, and have nothing to do with caring less.Yeah, you weren't talking about 'level of caring' I guess I was just talking about how sometimes people do feel frustrated because they care. That wasn't in response to anything you said so much as me making a more general comment. And of course some people don't feel frustrated in response and that does not entail that they care any less. Sometimes... That latter person is in a better place in themselves. Sometimes that latter person has a higher threshold for frustration etc etc there are many factors...
> I did not say he was being judgemental.
I know you didn't say that or imply that at all. I guess I just wanted to clarify that to make sure Larry knew that we weren't accusing him of being judgemental (or thinking that he was being judgemental).
> It was the not taking of the medication that caused the biggest stir.
Maybe... Or maybe it was the repeated pattern of not taking it then taking too much of it...
> The rest of what may help is another topic, one to be discussed with Deneb.
Been there done that. I guess I'll have to see...
> I've had that as well, not with therapists, but I needed people who didn't have there own time frame for me, and it was crucial to me that they didn't express their anger or frustration, that would set me right back.Hmm. Sometimes... Yeah, I hear you. But also... Sometimes there is a lesson in that too that if someone feels a little angry or frustrated then that is not the end of the world. They can feel a little angry or frustrated in response to your behaviour while AT THE VERY SAME TIME caring about you really very much.
I think I hear what you are saying. Disgust... I guess thats my fear... That other people will express or be unable to conceal their disgust in response to me.
I'm not sure about that therapist I saw... In a way... Probably she should have passed me on. Probably she shouldn't have told me what she did. Did it impact on my telling her about my suicidal urges etc? Yes. It did. I'd still tell her I had urges, but I refrained from the graphic details. I learned something there... I learned that my telling her all that... Had an effect on her. It affected her very much. And... Did it benefit me to tell her all the graphic details? Not really. I could convey the same information by saying 'yeah, the thoughts / urges were pretty bad this week' and leaving it at that.
I don't know.
> There were some angels, and they did care, although they didn't get angry, or remind me how much work I was, and that's what got me through.
Yes. I hear you.
But...
I still want to come back to the flotation device analogy...
Sure it helps to know there are people on the sidelines cheering you on...
It helps one not be overcome with despair...
But long term...
It is a 'maintenence' strategy...
It needs to be fairly constant
If there is a break...
Things can fall apart
And...
Why?
Why why why
When one can learn the skills to swim?
And when there is a flotation device right there to help one while one takes the steps one needs to take in order to learn the skills?Maybe...
It is time for me to walk away too.
Not necessarily forever...
But I do keep coming back to the point that...
It takes considerable energy / effort to help / support someone through hard times.
It does.
And I really don't mind doing that...
I really don't mind.
Especially when I can see that my responses are well recieved and that the person benefits from them.
But...
When it seems that the energy / effort is coming from me...
And the person isn't expending energy / effort in taking the steps that would enable them to support themself and learn how to help themself
Well...Then I do believe it is time for me to walk away...
Maybe it is seeing it like that that shows me that...But there it is.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:595104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060102/msgs/595527.html