Posted by ceesea on December 15, 2004, at 7:50:38
In reply to Re: over everything » ceesea, posted by alesta on December 14, 2004, at 3:51:59
hi alesta
my psych was trying to talk me into taking parnate again today. i have a friend in boston who is on it and she has told me her experience with the food and what happens if you cheat. the thing is my diet revolves around cheese - italian, mexican and asian (ok the problem there is soy sauce). while i guess i could try to give it up if i were determined, i think it's too dangerous to put me on something that would make it so much easier to die. it's a big step between jumping off a tall structure, or just drinking a lot of red wine because i don't care enough to want to keep myself alive. does that make any sense? I'm too weak to make such a huge change to my life. my psych sees this logic and is trying other meds now, epilim and maybe later lamictal if we can get around the cost.
the lithium certainly causes hormonal problems, i have to take oroxine now because it made me hypothyroid. if it does that i would bet it affects other hormones too, right?
i'm in a long term relationship which has it's deamons. we are both aware of those and there is stuff we have to work on, but mostly it is ok, on a general level at least. you're right though sorting it out whilst on meds and stable is the best thing to do, i've just never gotten to "stable" before.
i got a job recently which has it's problems, but they are outweighed by the good environment to work in, the security i have and *mostly* the people i work with. the problems are not big enough to warrent changing jobs again.
apart from that bad situations are all in the past, and i try to work on them with my psychologist but it's a long haul.
i don't have a social life at the moment, i keep meaning to join groups/clubs or get back in touch with friends but it doesn't happen. maybe if my mood lifts.
btw i don't find it strange in any way that you suggest things for me, that is why i am here. i know myself often i can help others when i can't help myself. i'm an expert on teaching CBT, but i've never been well enough to benefit from it myself. i really appreciate your help.
i do need biochemical help. the causes of my depression are both biological and endogenous, that's what you get when your parents and entire family are mad and then you get brought up in the middle of it. some bad stuff happenned over the years as well, and i know that my thoughts and core beliefs and stuff are warped. but i also know that it's not just going to go away if i fix those things. i've been depressed since i can remember - my first memory is a depressed one and i was only 18 months old. i didn't get treated until i was suicidal for the first time at 19.
somewhere i read that 85% of cases of depression can be successfully treated. after 4 yrs of it all meds therapy ect and so on i start to think i am one of the 15% though. you know?
sorry this is so down
thanks
CC
poster:ceesea
thread:427677
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041209/msgs/429797.html