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Make it an opportunity » Dinah

Posted by littleone on November 18, 2004, at 15:16:35

In reply to I think it was a horrible mistake, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2004, at 8:10:49

Dinah,

Please don't berate yourself. You are doing your very best in a terrible situation. It was not a mistake to get outside help. It was not a mistake to do what you did. They were exactly the right things to do.

You may not have got the result you were after, but you may be able to use this to your advantage.

I am hopelessly naive about your health system and the services available and home care for sick people, but it certainly sounds like your dad should not be where he is now. However, it also sounds like your dad should not be at home. It doesn't sound like a very healthy environment - for him or any health care workers who may come to care for him.

No matter how much he hates being around other people, perhaps it really is in his best interest to be in some sort of hospital or care centre or something where it is hygenic and he can get proper full time care.

I guess I kind of think that it is similar to if your folks were really really really old, they had dementia and alzhiemers (sp?) and disabilities and it got to the point where it was truly more dangerous for them to be living at home where they could burn their house down because they forget to turn off the stove or whatever. There comes a point where no matter how much they hate it, they really need to be moved into a safer environment.

You may find it hard to see because you are in it and living it every day, but it sounds like your dad is approaching or has reached that point.

Even though you don't like where he is now, it's possible that it has scared him enough so that if you can move him into a better place, it won't seem like a bad move. It will feel like a good move for him. I'm sure he'll still b*tch and moan that it's not home, but perhaps inside his heart he'll know that you're doing your best for him and really do have his best interests at heart.

I'm so sorry you have to work through this. Also, I hope you are getting your husband to help fight the authorities. Even if he just goes along for moral support. You shouldn't have to fight this on your own.

Sending kind thoughts your way.

 

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