Posted by Dinah on November 16, 2004, at 17:26:33
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone » Dinah, posted by All Done on November 16, 2004, at 8:08:41
At the moment, the good seems to far outweigh the bad, although it might hit me a bit later.
The doctor gave an order for hospice home care for my father. I've contaced the hospice center, and since I have power of attorney for my dad, I'm going to handle everything with them. That way if my mom gets mad at them it doesn't really matter. So it's no longer me alone against my parents arguing for my dad's care. I feel vastly relieved. I'm sure they're used to dealing with obdurate families.
The bad news of course is that the order for hospice care means the doctor doesn't expect my dad to live all that long, although he didn't say so directly. He said that if my father takes an unexpected upward turn, we can stop the hospice care.
My father seems to be ignoring the implications of what hospice care means, although I'm trying (and have been trying) to gently nudge him to take care of his affairs while he can. Heck, I've done that already and odds wise, I'm not expected to die soon.
But to be fair to my mother, she only had one screaming fit today - when my father refused to continue to try to get out of bed to go to the doctor's appointment. (He couldn't make it out of bed, and we had to cancel appt. I spoke to the doctor by phone.) She did her best to clean him this morning. She is starting to understand how weak he is and how so very quickly he's getting weaker. And it only took moderate pressure from me (and actually taking the phone and doing it myself) to get them to hire the three day a week person for five days a week. I was still arguing with them about weekends, but I'm hoping that will all be sorted out now.
So I've got a hideous migraine after all the excitement, and feel sick from it. I'm positive I haven't processed emotionally what hospice means. But I feel like a huge huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't mind doing what I need to do. It was feeling helpless to do what I knew needed doing that was so discouraging.
In the past, these breakthroughs with my parents have quickly reversed themselves. (They never did agree to get the flooring installed in my father's room - it's still half concrete and half moldy carpet.) But that's why I quickly called hospice. I'm hoping when outsiders are involved, the short term changes will be more lasting.
(It really didn't help that I watched last week's ER episode last night and watched someone die of what my father is likely to die from. It looks like an awful death. Maybe I shouldn't be happy my mother was with him when he had that sugar low and went to the hospital.)
Thanks for the support everyone. It's been a real help to me, even if I haven't been around much.
poster:Dinah
thread:415167
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041114/msgs/416801.html