Posted by DaisyM on June 11, 2004, at 14:06:40
In reply to Re: Racer and Antigua....any better? » DaisyM, posted by antigua on June 11, 2004, at 12:17:51
A-
Don't apologize for "crying" all over me. I like to feel useful. Besides, you should have seen me in Open last night. I signed in with "I'm in trouble"...not exactly gentle.My kids are extraordinary. And I refuse to give my husband all the credit. He had a Beaver/Cleaver household but there were still problems. Every family has them. They just weren't in the same universe as mine. Not that you could tell by looking at us.
<<<<But then again, my husband thinks he's perfect and his standards for me are beyond my capacity at the moment. That sounds strange, but it's hard to explain. He doesn't understand what I'm going through--he really tries, but it's just so foreign to him. He doesn't say, "why don't you just get over it," but he lacks an innate compassion about the suffering.
>>>>TOTALLY!!! I think we all attract the same kind of man. We want someone who has high standards and doesn't go oozing all over the place. Otherwise we might have to share out pain. *sigh* Even if we secretly want to. Add to mine that he is angry at the whole world about how sick he is and he is particularly pissed at me because I don't have the ability to make it all better. And it is my job to make it all better. He often says, "but you help all these other people..." So we are in a double-bind. I don't ask for his help and I can't give him mine. And I don't deal with anyone's anger very well, so I keep banging my head trying anyway to fix everything.
I think it is only one part of me that wants out of all of this so badly. Because one part is mortified that I am so weak as to have even thought about suicide, let alone have a plan for it. And another part reminds me that I'll hurt people, especially my kids, and I simply don't do that. These two parts are yelling at the other part. So I'm tied up in knots and feel like I'm choking on the pain. But I'm still here...
I'm glad you are too. Hang in there, K? You don't have to promise. Just try.
poster:DaisyM
thread:355479
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/355789.html