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Re: Just remember to take care of yourself » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on March 10, 2004, at 9:45:56

In reply to Re: Just remember to take care of yourself » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 10, 2004, at 9:25:44

lol. I'm afraid there are no unused rooms. My mother is sleeping in my old room, and there's just the bed (and stuff is actually piled on the bed too) and a narrow pathway around it. And the hygiene is awful. (I hope the dept of health isn't reading this.) She's got three little dogs in there and doesn't clean up very well. As I drove her to the hospital the scent of her room clung to her feet. My brother lives with them when he's in town and has to sleep on the den sofa because his room is inaccessible. My father's room and bath is ok, because he needs to move around. Except for the closet which is piled high. The front half of the den is ok. My dad can go there. The back half has stacks of stuff, bookshelves, and a christmas tree from three or four years ago. To let their big dog out you have to get to that part, and the stacks of newspapers have blocked off wheelchair access. The hall to my mother's and brother's room is half filled with newspaper stacks, leaving only the other half to walk through. Don't even ask me about that bathroom. I make sure everyone in the house goes potty before visiting because I'd rather use the gas station bathroom. The utility room has only space in front of washer and dryer. Most of the kitchen is ok. The living dining room is stacked floor to ceiling so that the doors open only with difficulty, and you can only look across the sea of stuff, not actually wade into it.

It's gotten so much worse since I've lived there. And I lived there for thirty years. I don't know how I stood it. There are roaches everywhere, and I'm pretty sure there are mice in the shut off rooms. I try not to let my son eat anything that comes from there.

I hate to say it, but my parents disgust me. I hate that about myself. I love them, I guess, although I emotionally divorced my mom for self preservation. I know the enormous debt of gratitude I owe them. But it's soooo hard to be around them.

It's not just the house. My mom is a right wing conspiracy theorist and a world class drama queen. It's hard to get a straight story from her. My dad yells constantly and threatens to kill everybody (but doesn't have a gun, so don't worry.) He is constantly telling my brother and mother how totally useless they are and how much he hates them. By contrast I'm treated well by him.

I have this picture of me in a few weeks, with the men from the hospital coming to take me away, and me on the floor blithering "Don't answer the phone! Don't answer the phone! They'll get you!"

I don't take pressure very well still, obviously. I guess my ego strength is still pretty low. Wonder if there's a DSM IV diagnosis for that.

 

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