Posted by kara lynne on September 16, 2003, at 1:39:17
In reply to Re: I figured it out, but I wish it helped more. » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 15, 2003, at 21:56:06
Oh fallsfall. This is just no good at all. I don't know why he was bothering to leave me messages. Why did he do that? Why did he leave messages up until a week and a half ago that he missed me very much? And now today I am just something to toss in the recycle bin? I am such a loyal person. I try to take care of my friends, I value my friendships more than anything. I value my relationships. I take them seriously. I am honest, and forthcoming probably when I shouldn't have been, with him. Casting pearls before swine comes to mind.
He did a lot of lip service. It's so obvious now--he's carefully phrasing each word so that I don't think he's trying to get back in the relationship. But what was that all about before? Was it all just complete nonsense? So now he can cut all the ties, since I wrote that letter, and blame it on my misery. He can go to whomever he's had waiting in the wings.
I feel so utterly betrayed. I want to go back in time and do it all differently. I want to take back my dignity--but I want to humiliate myself in the same moment--what is up with that?
So the betrayal means that I don't survive, in here (points to heart of little girl inside).
I don't get it anymore. I don't think it is fair that I should have to be consumed with this, and he gets to detach like I never meant anything. He said I was the *love of his life*. God I wish I had just never ever ever ever beleived it. It would make this so much easier.
poster:kara lynne
thread:260066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/260537.html