Posted by kara lynne on July 18, 2003, at 21:32:35
In reply to Re: He called. » kara lynne, posted by noa on July 18, 2003, at 19:26:43
Well this feels awful after seeing the messages above, but I'm going to say it anyway.
He called again a few times and I finally decided to call him and tell him I sent him an email and there was nothing more to talk about--so he would quit calling me. Because I thought he wasn't getting his email and his messages would go on and on and *they were becoming addictive.
God. I'm just flattened. I don't even know what happened. He sat there talking about how crushed he was-- how I was the only woman he ever loved. He claimed he really wouldn't have known what to say to make things better between us. So I gave him an example. I said, maybe you could have said something like "I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make things work..."
At which point he said, "Isn't saying 'whatever' dangerous?' Then he went on about how many awful things I've said about him since our break up, and how that prohibited him from wanting to come forward in any significant way. And that that was why he thought I wouldn't have wanted to hear any positive things from him--like that he wanted to be with me.
And then, in a dramatic moment of emotion where he said he just couldn't talk anymore because he was so *distraught*-- I realized he had to *go* somewhere---so we got off the phone. He asked if we could continue the conversation tomorrow when he was a little 'clearer'. In other words, when he was less occupied.
The whole time he's telling me how much he loves me, but then there are these little interferences that he's paying more attention to. He couldn't even make the phone conversation a priority.
I don't know what happened. He said my email 'crushed' him. I asked him to please not respond to it, because his emails always hurt. At one point he said I was right, that we shouldn't talk to each other. So now, rather than just having sent the email and maintained a modicum of integrity, I've handed my power all back to him and he can now call the shots.
I asked him *why* he called--just to mess with me? Then it of course became nasty, and a game of whose tone was worse.
I feel really stupid. I don't know what I just did. I may have set myself back in a huge way.
I'm feeling desperate and panicked.
poster:kara lynne
thread:243088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/243348.html