Posted by kalyb on June 2, 2003, at 16:12:25
In reply to Kaly , posted by kara lynne on June 1, 2003, at 20:29:23
Hey kara lynne :)
Thanks enormously for responding and tolerating my rambling! I'm happy to have found someone who understands.... thanks. You're welcome to ramble in my direction any time you like, I don't know if it helps you but I feel a lot better today. It was something that had been lurking for a few days and exchanging stories with you really did help!
I think it's going to take lifetime to erase what my mother said. If she only had realised at the time how that would stay with me.... But then, she had problems of her own, and at some point when I was a child/teen (not sure when) I know she was on Valium most of the time, having suffered from depression and anxiety herself for most of her life.
This last boyfriend was quite different from others I've dated. In fact my first reaction, gut instinct, was that he was "out of my class". I know, I know, there is some feeling of unworthiness there but I was vastly different from his ex wife and ex gf. He was different to me because he was much more stable than anyone I've dated for a long time. He did make me feel safe, and I felt I could trust him.
Unfortunately there were aspects I couldn't trust, as I found out - his promises came to nothing. He says he feels too guilty anbout what he did to me, to be friends, which is a greater tragedy, since I loved him as a friend first of all... when I met him I knew I'd have to go a long way to find someone I'd like as much as a friend. It's a bit of a backwater here where I live, and there aren't many people like him, with whom I would have so much in common, never mind single and available!
Anyway that's even more rambling isn't it!! About your situation... I wonder if you would have the courage to sit down and have "that" talk with your man? If there is one thing I would have changed about the relationship I had, it would be to have taken the iniatitive and talked more to him about feelings, as we did in the first few weeks of the relationship. Instead I just went with the flow, which isn't always the right thing to do.
And you mentioned the shame.... oh yes, there is shame.... even despite the enlightened ones among us, there is still somehow shame in not being married or having children, even in today's society. I noticed that only recently. I moved out of a big city to a small town last year - in the city, when people asked my name they would always ask: "Ms, Miss or Mrs?". Since moving here, people are constantly assuming I'm a Mrs. and don't even have the courtesy to ask...
Well anyway sweetie, I'm here if you fancy another ramble, and thanks again for understanding :)) I would say, email me, but I have no idea how one might exchange email addresses securely here.
{{hugs}}
Kalyb xxxx
poster:kalyb
thread:230242
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/230872.html